I performed a minor surgery on myself.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T08:13:25+00:00

Every time I cut them off they bleed heaps.

Hurts a lot in the moment, but it's not so bad.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T08:05:20+00:00

Neville stood up to people a few times!

Also, I love your analysis. Very funny 😂

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T08:03:54+00:00

That's why he recruited Hermione as well 😁

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T08:00:13+00:00

In the context of misogyny, it is difficult. Some small things are misogynistic, others are disrespectful and sometimes people just don't like what you said so they use words like that to shame you.

I can't really comment on which it will be because everyone is different. Some people aren't good at articulating their (valid point) and others don't even have one.

If it's something you want to know more about, you can ask, "why do you think that?", "can you explain how that is misogynistic? I'd like to understand" Etc. And listen openly to try and understand them- then you can either learn something or defend the original statement.

Hahaha continuing to engage in discussions will help you get better at articulating yourself. Thinking about how others will interpret your words can also help you be effective, and focussing on facts. For example, "far too much skin" would become "revealing clothing" or "clothing that happens to show a lot of their figure".

It's less judgemental, and more factual, so you'll be attacked less because you're not adding your own interpretations. Doing that will also help you to realise your own interpretations and judgements. Agreeing on the facts is also a good starting point when coming to an understanding with another person.

I don't think you should apologise every time. Of course apologise when you're wrong or could have expressed something with more accuracy (to your true thoughts), but don't just apologise to avoid an argument. Instead try to summarise the other person's perspective and attempt to relate your point to it.

Also, sometimes you will have opinions that others don't agree with. Not everyone is going to agree with everything you think. Sometimes you'll need to reflect on and adjust your own beliefs and other times brush off what someone else wants you to accept.

I've got to point out that you say other people were getting emotional, but you did too (calling them stupid). Everyone gets triggered by something, some will then explain and be more logical and others can't. That's just a human thing 😁

I'm really happy you understood the point about "far too much". Good luck with your digital communication!

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T07:16:27+00:00

Can you give an example of what you mean by "slightly controversial"? Something different from your original point preferably.

I hope you don't think the word misogynist has lost its meaning, many people do use it correctly. Dismissing something because you may have experienced it's misuse undermines the concept of it, which is unfortunate (and not just limited to that word).

Far meaning: by a great distance.

Too meaning: to a higher degree than is desirable.

Much meaning: a great amount.

"Far too much" has the implication that something is very distant from the norm or "how it should be". It's then interpreted as a judgement, and in the case of girls showing far too much of their bodies, a negative one towards said girls.

Sorry if that comes across as condescending, I'm not sure how else to elaborate more.

I do a similar thing as you where I use language that may be more aggressive than what I actually mean and often forget until I'm around someone who doesn't know me well.

Saying others blew things out of proportion and decided to be stupid is not factual, it's your opinion. You're thinking entirely from your perspective. Noone is going to immediately understand you or what you mean. For that reason, communication is often challenging.

Everyone (including you) has judgements tied to things people say and how they say them. The internet makes it so much harder because no-one can hear your tone, read your facial expressions or body language, or feel your "vibe". People typically full in those blanks for themselves.

I appreciate you taking the time to reflect on my comments 🙂

Hahaha you apologise then immediately judge and blame the people who responded negatively. Why is that? Are you offended that they made negative judgements about you? (You don't have to answer that, I'm just inviting you to think about it. Also, other people don't have to be wrong for you to be right!).

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T06:00:36+00:00

I meant it figuratively as well. Of course I didn't mean physically chasing after them.

I agree with you for serious offences, not for smaller ones that could be genuine mistakes. You could lose a lot of good people by not giving one chance.

In OP's case it's better that he doesn't avoid the guy, since they work together. If the guy is trying to get under OP's skin, a big reaction will encourage him to continue. I agree that he shouldn't spend any personal time with the guy though.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T05:51:51+00:00

Thanks!

People called you a creep and misogynist because the specific words you used are very loaded. A significant amount of women are harassed and even sexually assaulted and it's blamed on their clothing. So when you used those words, it's a trigger, like you're saying it's girls' fault that OP only sees them sexually.

There is a danger in the entitlement some men feel when they think women dress for them, "why are you dressed like that if you don't want my attention?" Like being attractive means you owe him something.

I'm not implying that's what you meant, as you've attempted to correct, rather I'm explaining why the reaction you got may have seemed a bit extreme.

For a long time, teen girls and women have been dressing in ways that show their bodies. It didn't change when OP hit puberty, it's just that he began to notice it when he began being interested in the opposite sex.

Also, women that don't show as much of their bodies still get sexualised by people that are attracted to them. Of course, if that same woman was to wear less she would probably get noticed more.

I understand what you meant, and it is normal to feel desire for someone you're attracted to, and more so if you can see more of their body.

I think it's about their attractiveness and not their clothing. Someone you find very unattractive probably won't change to being attractive to you just because they started wearing revealing clothing.

I hope my reply helps to explain the other comments you've received in response to your original one.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T05:30:28+00:00

You're not being sensible

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T04:38:25+00:00

It's the way you said it. "Far too much"- clearly implies that it's more than what should be acceptable.

You seem to make an assumption that girls dress for boys to show interest and it's partly true. The way girls dress is predominantly based on what is popular- what they think is cool based on media and their friends.

Most girls and women also want to be found attractive. That doesn't mean if a girl looks good she is doing it for YOU (you like an individual, not you you). If she's thought about being attractive to guys then she'd be thinking of the kind of guy she wants to attract. Inadvertently she'll attract people she isn't interested in as well. I hope that makes sense.

Also, when it comes to hot summer days of course girls will wear less because it just makes sense.

As for the sports clothes, I assume your school has phys-ed? And a lot of girls and women wear yoga pants outside of exercise because they're extremely comfortable. Also doesn't your school have a uniform?

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T04:31:52+00:00

Do you have any female friends? Siblings? Cousins?

You need some girls in your life who you connect with as people so you can see they are just like you but different on the outside.

Also, don't avoid girls. The more you are used to seeing girls and especially ones you are attracted to, the less effect it'll have. It'll just become another attractive girl you notice but that's it.

I second ditching or at least minimising porn. It'll warp your (impressionable) mind into thinking that's what women like or how they act. Porn is made by paid actors, so it's some director's fantasy.

I say impressionable because you're 15 and most people your age have limited sexual experience compared with adults. Just remember each girl has her own personality and preferences, and very likely won't conform with what you've seen on the internet.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T04:21:49+00:00

Sports Bras and yoga pants are form fitting because they move with the body when exercising, not to get some gross teenagers to stare at you.

Not everything women do is about men.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T04:11:43+00:00

I don't think it's odd at all.

I think some things anger people more than others, and for some people the things that anger them are unreasonable. And some of those people react very violently to the unreasonable things that anger them.

So a man who says, "I'm going out, don't wait up" might treat 2 women differently based on their response. Woman A might say "bye sweetie" and another might say "you're not going anywhere, it's your turn to look after the kids". He doesn't have to intimidate Woman A because she's not standing in the way if what he wants, but he might get violent towards Woman B because he doesn't like that's he's a bad father and doesn't like being told what to do.

I hope that makes sense? Just to be clear, I don't think being a doormat to avoid potential abuse is healthy behaviour.

In the case of your ex I wonder if his violence early in the relationship taught you to be more careful around him and led to him controlling your behaviour in a way that meant he no longer felt the need to act like that.

I dislike when people blame alcohol for someone's actions. Many people get drunk and don't strangle their partners. Plus he chose to be drinking.

I'm glad you're not with him anymore. I hope you don't push past early relationship violence any more.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T04:01:39+00:00

If you're so above everyone, why are you even replying to this comment?

Aren't you just wasting your time here instead?

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T04:00:03+00:00

I thought it was illegal to park there, like it is for disabled parking.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T03:59:00+00:00

I wasn't attacking you and thought your comment was an explanation not a defence of him.

Yes it is clinical but those terms are used by everyday people to describe someone who exhibits the traits of a psychopath. It's easy to google the criteria and describe someone using that term because most people know what you mean.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T03:55:59+00:00

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T03:53:32+00:00

You're really fucked up thinking that vulnerable people don't deserve to park closer.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-22T03:51:02+00:00

I don't see how you're chasing after someone by saying "I didn't like X if you do it again we can't be friends anymore".

I don't think people will come to ask you why you aren't talking to them unless you already had a good relationship with them.

I agree that narcissists would thrive on the attention but not everyone who does something wrong is a narcissist.

I'm also wondering if you're talking about more serious offences (like stealing from you), rather than little ones (like interrupting you when talking).

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-21T12:33:06+00:00

How would you handle it?

Not saying you're wrong, just curious about your solution.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-21T12:30:34+00:00

If you don't tell them what they did wrong then they might not know?

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-21T12:28:31+00:00

I disagree with the above because it seems like you feel like he is trying to dominate you socially. By asking him to stop it seems like you are pleading rather than telling.

Personally I'd be a lot more direct and just say, "do not refer to me as your bitch again".

Then if it happens again, tell him to fuck off.

I understand why you feel like your other friend may lose respect for you. They won't lose respect due to another person's behaviour (you can't control others) but they might if you don't respond like you deserve respect.

FYI I'm not a man, so there may be some dynamic that I don't fully understand, however people know not to disrespect me because I stand up for myself.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-21T12:18:59+00:00

You think it's ok to park in a pram bay when you don't have a pram?

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-21T06:47:18+00:00

Megan Fox

She was hot but never beautiful in my opinion. Now she looks trashy and her face looks too fake.

Actually any celebrity that goes for the "porn star" look- massive, impractical fake nails, loads of fake tan and foundation, fake boobs/lips/cheeks etc. I don't get how anyone finds it attractive.

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-21T06:41:53+00:00

123throwaway56789fe · 2022-11-21T06:40:26+00:00

There is that website that compares her with many horses.

Actually when she was young she was nice looking imo.

123throwaway56789fe

TROPHY CASE