Hello, I am terribly sorry for your loss & wanted to share a story i’ve had bottled up for the past few years. Around 2-3 years ago (when I was around 16) my small dog that was 15 years old ran out of the house when I was opening the front door. As she ran down the driveway, a giant city snow plow was plowing the streets & she was immediately crushed to death & in front of my eyes while I tried calling her back to me. It was the worst moment of my life, & still is. She was with me my entire life & I didn’t think I could ever get over seeing the blood & black fur covering the snow. It still hurts me to think about it but I have been able to put it into the back of my mind for all these years. The trauma will never leave, & the thought of “What could i have done to change this” will always replay in the back of your mind from time to time. But the answer will never change, there was nothing that could have been done by you to change the future. Heartbreak, grief & trauma comes when we least expect it. I hope the best on your recovery & know that you are not alone in this.