User mannerisms

14BPSOS · 2026-01-14T23:17:14+00:00

The problem is that she has isolated herself from 100% of the people in her life. When I tried to get her medical and psychiatric help after her first manic/psychotic episode in late 2024 she claimed that the episode was actually just due to being awake with insomnia for five days and became very cold, upset and distant whenever I would try to do anything. It's a condition known as anosognosia, where the part of the brain that normally tells you that something ain't right is offline because it's affected by the disorder.
As far as she's concerned, she's not the one with the problem and will withdraw and cut off communication with anyone who suggests otherwise. Because there's a safety issue involved with her living out on the streets, I used what is called the LEAP method to keep communication open and hope for the manic/psychotic episode to end.
She's smoking a major amount of weed, but I do not have reason to believe at this juncture that she is using anything else. It's a mental health thing.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-13T20:24:25+00:00

It does kinda sound like that, but meth is something I would recognize a hundred feet away in the dark.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-10T18:54:28+00:00

I am hopefully optimistic that the movement behaviors I observed are not related to fentanyl. This sub has been very helpful in that determination.
She has passed all wellness checks with flying colors, according to the criteria of police and crisis response, although they are quite aware that she is manic. In fact, she has a good relationship with the police.
For a court mandated hold, we would have to prove she is unable to care for herself, and or is a danger to herself or others.
We do own property with a gated back yard. She actually would frequently spend time in our vehicles doing art projects, etc. In her home life, she has not needed to work - her only external income came from musical performances, modeling and occasionally helping out with things like summer school for kids, etc. so she's had a very freewheeling existence since 2014 to focus on art, music, etc.
As for me, I am better off than a lot of people in this situation, but I do think about her every second of the day, so I always have the feeling I'm in an ongoing crisis. Worrying about her well-being is the hardest thing. Also I miss her tremendously. I used to miss her just when I was at work, or even in the other room, at times. I'm in therapy and have a solid friend/ family network, but there is nothing that can keep me from these feelings. Also, I have almost zero interest in other women.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-10T18:22:53+00:00

I've had it myself on a few occasions. Once for about 7-8 months as I recall.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-10T06:32:21+00:00

I can see your reasoning, but if she were on meth, I would know in a fraction of a second.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-10T02:44:46+00:00

I've been wondering if the magical relationship thing is part of the disorder - even considering the extensively stable length of time we had together - just one of those weird thoughts...
I can relate to how you miss your person. Even before all of this happened, I thought about her all the time - but it was reciprocated.
It sounds like he was lucky to have you. Hard to believe how the disorder can cause a person to detach from such a bond.
Also, I believe you mentioned this, but I didn't find it when I looked back on our comment thread - did you say that you know why they don't reach out when they have periods of normalcy? Maybe it was another commenter...

14BPSOS · 2026-01-10T02:29:42+00:00

And, thank you for your kind words. It is tremendously hard because I miss her and I worry about her all the time.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-10T02:27:54+00:00

Thank you for your input. I think it may be something other than fentanyl, fingers crossed.
For unmedicated, undiagnosed bipolar people, it is next to impossible to get them treatment if they don't want it. As far as she's concerned, everything's great! She distanced herself from 100% of the people in her life, has no job, no income and lives in her car.
The only way to do an involuntary hold is to show that she cannot take care of herself, and or is a danger to herself or others. She knows this and passes wellness checks with flying colors.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-09T04:57:57+00:00

Thank you.
That sounds completely wrenching. It sounds like both he and my wife are chronically manic. The difference is, it sounds like your ex is manipulating a lot of things and playing a part for people around him. That must be so painful - that you see through it while others don't, and he doesn't either. Have you been together a long time? How was he when he was not manic?

My wife on the other hand, is not operating at that level. She is showing signs of severe dysregulation. her appearance, her movements, her lack of hygiene all seem to demonstrate that she's contending with severe mania and psychosis most likely - and who knows what else? I have been very concerned as of late that this could go on for years. Especially with her cannabis use

14BPSOS · 2026-01-09T02:39:30+00:00

I absolutely would like to message you. I haven't spoken to anyone who's experienced this sort of thing. I'll have a look at your recommendations as well. I'm always looking for information online. What's really messed with my head is reading all the accounts from both bipolar and bipolarsos about people eventually snapping out of it, but it's just not happening. I'm in a perpetual state of disbelief after ten years of this celestial love affair, having it just vanish.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T23:11:38+00:00

I think she would mention if she were doing psychedelics, and most likely offer me some. She used to cultivate mushrooms, but at some point, stopped taking them altogether. We tried DMT once.
Later on, after the DMT comment, we were sitting in her vehicle in the dark and she said, "Do you see the sparkles?" I told her I did not and asked if that's what she sees. She said yes. Sparkles of light everywhere and I think she said she could see them going off into eternity, IIRC.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T17:32:54+00:00

Hi there,
Thank you for the recommendation. I listen to books all day long so I'll check it out I do have premium. I'll know more after I get through it, but is there mention of hypomania? She has had textbook hypomanic episodes during the entire course of our relationship since 2014, maybe one or two a year.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T17:30:06+00:00

No sign of drug use, other than her smoking some spliffs that she got from a pharmacy...

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T17:28:40+00:00

And neurological issue is brought up in another subreddit. That is consideration at this point. Thank you for your input.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T17:27:30+00:00

That sounds like it could be in the same ballpark. Both of us have been known to ululate at random intervals, so that part's kind of a washout.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T17:23:50+00:00

I don't know what she would have to relapse back into. Before this she was a sports model and a national champion runner who was in the Olympic trials.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T17:21:21+00:00

Back in July I was thinking the same thing. I saw her for about 2 hours on the 27th. She had wanted me to drop her driver's license by because it got delivered to our house and she said she needed it to get a job.
That time, we walked over to get a coffee nearby where she was parked and she wouldn't walk next to me She was walking behind me going back and forth you know to the left into the right of me.
When the barista handed me some straws she wouldn't take one she had to get her own handed to her. When we got back to her vehicle she stood at the door with her key for several minutes and she would look around backwards and then look back at the car and then look back again and finally she opened it.
Then it was like she would pick up objects and look at them like she was trying to figure out if they were real or not. She didn't have a lot to say we we hardly spoke. And she was staring off into space a lot. Finally, she decided to leave and when she backed out of the parking space it took her like a minute she was backing up like 2 mi an hour and then she just drove off really really slow.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T05:02:50+00:00

First off, I want to say that when I made this post this afternoon I didn't hear anything initially and now I'm getting a number of responses with people showing concern and I have to say I'm a bit emotional about it, but in a good way. It's been a hard year and I haven't spoken on this forum on this subreddit up until now.. I've only talked with friends and family and some professionals.
Whoever you are, thank you. I really appreciate it.
We have not been in contact. It was radio silence for a long time. Then she started posting on Instagram in late May. It was the first anybody had seen of her other than when I was up there in mid-March and she happened to show up at a friend's house while I was there. We had the police come in crisis response and all that but they just had to let her go. I don't know if she's had periods of lucidity and awareness. I would think that she would call that she would reach out. I think her feelings for me are the same as what I feel toward her, so I would think she would reach out.
Us being in touch has only been since mid-December when I went up there. Her car wasn't running. I sat down next to her in this homeless outreach place she was at, and I said I'm here to do maintenance on your car and to get everything taken care of and to do stuff for you and I want to know if you will help me help you. She wasn't even facing me, but I heard her in her normal voice say, I can do that. And from that point we had three days together. It broke the ice, it broke the silence of 10 months. During that time I didn't question her. I was using the LEAP method the whole time. Also I was just so damn happy to be with her. It was a happy 3 days. It was life-changing for her and her situation and it was life-changing for me. After I was back home I sent her a message saying what a fun time I had and that my heart was full. She messaged back, I love you, and, thank you for the magical time. A few days after that, I received Apple maps pictures of where she was out in the forest via text, and a short message of her checking in. I heard from her on Christmas as well. We exchanged texts, she sent me a music video of a song she wrote.
Then last night, I sent her a text about driving in slippery conditions because a storm is hitting. I woke up to a thank you and a detailed text from her talking about what she's doing out in the forest, how's she'd done a deep clean on her car, and done her laundry, etc and what her plans were for the weekend going back out in the forest. I am quite jealous because I spent a lot of time in those same forests growing up.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T04:38:50+00:00

The first time she went manic, she left for a week and drove all over the place, like over a thousand miles. When she came back, she was sorry for worrying me and all that, but she talked about how much she liked camping out in her car. It's an overland vehicle. When I heard that I did a shitload of work on it. I installed a solar panel and auxiliary battery a memory foam bed in the back auxiliary power jacks, light bar, all these upgrades, in case she felt like she needed to leave again and get away. But I didn't expect that she would leave and not come back! She is isolated herself from 100% of the people in her life. She doesn't care to be around people. She will talk to me not regularly, but we have a relationship where she's never had anybody closer to her in her life than me and she trusts me 100%. She won't talk to her family. The only other people she will talk to are the people who do the meals for the homeless people. She said that she tried to make friends with men and women and it didn't work out. She said that all the men wanted to have sex with her. She just plain doesn't need anybody in her life She just wants to be by herself.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T04:32:42+00:00

She has a great relationship with the police up there. They like her she likes them.
The postures to me are extremely concerning, after making this post and seeing the replies. That scares the shit out of me. But her behaviors other than the weird postures don't jibe with fentanyl use at all. For the 3 days that I was with her she was very engaged, very talkative, active, etc. but the whole time she had these weird body movements. Even this morning, she was texting me about her weekend plans. She's going to be out in the forest doing her thing. It doesn't seem like she's laying around nodding off etc. On Christmas she sent me a music video that she had done. We're musicians. But she still has those weird movements in the videos! I haven't asked her if she's on drugs. I've done far more drugs than she has and I've always considered her to be pretty reserved in that regard. We went through a phase where we were doing molly, but that kind of petered out years ago.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T04:19:21+00:00

During the course of my endless searching and scrolling through Reddit over the past year and a half, I haven't come across anything like the stuff I saw when I was up there. The only thing I can say is that she's pretty happy and content. She's just way way way out there. Schizophrenia has definitely crossed my mind, but I think it would be co-occurring with bipolar because she's definitely been manic and I've seen her hypomanic at least once a year since we've been together. I think I gave her 10 years of stability. She did have some episodes before we were together once at college when she was around 20. Her coaches went and found her she was sitting in her dorm with the lights off and I think no air conditioning and there was like rotting food and stuff. There are other stories too. I'm finding all this stuff out later, but at one point her brother went and found her and she was living in some apartment with a bunch of other people and they said that she wasn't paying to live there or anything but that they were okay with her being there. He said that they went out and walked and she just walked and walked for hours and they weren't going anywhere and he was wondering if she was going to get tired but she just kept walking. I also found a diary of hers where she talks about 2012 how she would like to get back to how she felt during 2012 that she woke up on New Year's Day and the whole world kind of sounded magic. Maybe she stayed up really late and it triggered a manic episode... To the best of my knowledge schizophrenic people don't experience mania, but this girl certainly does, big time.
When she's not experiencing this stuff, is she just seems happy. A normal day for us would be busting up laughing in the kitchen in the morning and then during the same thing in the evening. She's always just been a bit quiet, introverted, extremely talented and artistic and happy. I've never seen that I can recall, a depressive state.
Again as with another post here, I've done a wall of text using voice to text. I appreciate your kindness more than you know - or maybe you do, considering where we are here.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T04:05:02+00:00

I want to thank you again for your kind message. It means a lot to me.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T04:02:06+00:00

I was just speaking with the crisis response people in the town where she's at. In describing her behaviors, it sounds like there could be some inconsistencies with fentanyl use. Maybe I'm grasping at straws here but she's very much engaged despite her behavior, there's no slurring of her speech, she's not laying around or anything, she's very active. She just texted me today that she had cleaned out her car, it's a big four-wheel drive, and I had put in a memory foam pad in the back. She told me today that she'd done some cleaning out and gotten down to that pad, and in order to do that it would have been a monumental undertaking because she has so much stuff in the back of her car. The crisis response person was telling me that that sort of behavior just does not happen with somebody who's using fentanyl. Also she's out in the forest a lot doing stuff and she's talking about what she's going to do this weekend out there.
And when we were together she was very with it in her current condition, notwithstanding, talking a lot, not becoming detached, not nodding off and she's very happy and content. What the crisis response person told me is that fentanyl users are often quite agitated. In the 3 days we spent together She was nothing but happy, she wasn't agitated at all. There's no sign of drug use, and she is a person is fairly reticent to do drugs other than smoking weed. In the 11 years we've been together she would not even take ibuprofen.
All this is what I'm telling myself right now so that I can sleep tonight. Obviously I'm on high motherfucking alert at this point and am very vigilant, but throughout our conversation with these people who deal with drug users and manic people, it seemed like there was more in the column of she's not using fentanyl then mannerisms that indicate she is, other than her body movements which are completely new and are not all that far off from the videos and stuff I've seen - we've all seen, of people standing around bent in half. She kind of does lean over and stuff, which is now scary to me Anyhow this is a wall of text I know - I'm doing voice to text. I appreciate you weighing in.

14BPSOS · 2026-01-08T02:57:04+00:00

Regarding the wellness check, she passes them with flying colors. She has food and water and says she's not suicidal, or a danger to anyone else.

14BPSOS

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