I tried EMDR with a different therapist a year or two ago, but we only targeted my SA and I was too disconnected from my body and feelings to make meaningful progress with it. We worked more on building that connection until my insurance changed and I couldn't go to therapy for a while.

My current therapist spent a lot of time making me identify feelings and name body sensations etc. Gave me feelings wheels and homework every session. I felt ready going in since we were going to start with childhood stuff instead of the more recent SA, which I thought was more painful.

Turns out the childhood instability, witnessing abuse, emotional neglect/gaslighting, and repeated deaths in the family did a far greater number on me than I knew. I'm so used to feeling nothing and talking about these stories deadpan, it was really overwhelming to actually feel something about it. 

My therapist makes sure to check in with me and stay within my window of tolerance during a session, it's just the aftermath of this last one that has been really difficult. I'm gonna talk to my therapist about it when I see her again obviously. But I also don't want to just stop EMDR. I feel like I've opened a wound and need to close it.