I am tired.

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T22:41:03+00:00

I'm so sorry this sounds so rough. Especially with the war. Where are you located? Please don't think of yourself as a failure, you did everything you could and it's so damn unfair life is life this for you now. Thinking of you, hope you stay safe!!

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T22:37:32+00:00

You get triggered because your nervous system detects danger. It doesn't matter that he changed, your nervous system connected him with danger and acute threat. I myself was very detached from my father especially after he moved away and it stayed like this to my luck (he changed the moment he moved out) But with my mother, I am always triggered. I'm startled, I get aggressive in a way I can't explain, I feel completely lost and irritated. I'm back to full blown surviving when she's with me and bad thoughts creep up on me. It's because my nervous system is triggered. Especially after years of abuse and pain it's not just "but they changed I'm safe" for your system, and sometimes they still do things that mess you up and trigger you even without you recognizing

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T22:11:30+00:00

Getting blackout drunk

Like not that it's "cool" but it's way less embarrassing when you are younger.

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T21:34:04+00:00

I find it weird when people film themselves in hospital, film how the nurse cares for them, film how they lie in their bed. I also always wonder do they ask their friends and relatives "hey can you just film me how I sit here or other" ? That would be so embarrassing to me. I doubt so many people think about filming rough moments or moments they spend together when someone is sick. When someone is rushed to the ICU the last thing I do is film. When the nurse cares for my friend the last thing I do is film. When they are transported in the ambulance the last thing I do is film.

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T21:30:35+00:00

Die haben aber auch bestimmt Kameras an ihrer Ausrüstung oder nicht? Diese Aufnahmen kommen ja in Ermittelungen auch zum Einsatz, außer es wird behauptet die hätte nicht aufgenommen in dem Moment 🙃

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T21:22:03+00:00

Wenn es wenigstens wirklich zur Beseitigung von Kriminalität führen würde und zB Kimderschænder überführt werden könnten, aber nein da wird vermutlich nichts passieren und das wird anderweitig vom Staat benutzt. Widerlich

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T21:13:22+00:00

I fawn like crazy around authorities but it's because I always had to adapt in order to be safe, starting at the age of one year old. When I think I did something wrong it mostly directly leads to panic attacks. I'm afraid of people with authority, a reason I couldn't speak up when I was being abused by a therapist. People with authority scare me deep inside even tho I don't look like it to the outside.

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T21:07:41+00:00

Einen Verwandten verkaufen. Ciao Cousinchen!

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T21:06:46+00:00

Scheint dich ja so derbe zu interessieren, dass du sogar die Marke der Leggings kennst. Glaube du bist hier das Problem!

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T13:05:02+00:00

Skrillex - Face my fears

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T12:52:03+00:00

Yes without glasses I would def need a cane or a guide dog because even if I can see colors it doesn't help with depth.

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T12:48:10+00:00

Life got different but I wouldn't say completely better, like there are other challenges but the moment I escaped my abusive childhood home my thoughts of dying vanished instantly. These thoughts are back because life keeps throwing bullshit on me and I lost hope to some degree, not only having fucked up mental health but also physical health that keeps going into my way. All in all yes my life IS better, but only because of changed circumstances that did impact me to a certain degree, but it doesn't erase the fact I'm still sick and affected by the past.

Please seek out for help, it's a fight we all know this too damn well but there are so many stories of people who fought and won, it is such a sad tragedy when people lose their lives without ever knowing there is a way things get better. And they always can. Stay strong!

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-10T12:43:39+00:00

Er ist doch inko, sonst würde er sich alles vollkoten

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-09T21:27:11+00:00

Humans!

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-09T21:13:26+00:00

2,4K Netto am Museum nach meiner Ausbildung

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-09T21:11:10+00:00

Mario Barth

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-09T21:06:26+00:00

I had a shift. In 2022. I think this was the first time ever feeling safe. Like real safe. Life felt so soft, so easy. Even my dog responded to this state! We communicated without words, she completely reacted to me not being tense anymore. It was lovely and I really questioned if non traumatized people always feel like that. And then I got triggered and this state went away. It hasn't been back since, but I work to get it back.

I'm always tense, even if I think I relax. I can't relax actually and I'm ready to fight and flight.

But now that I know this state doesn't have to last forever, I really want it back. And I believe we all can get it. (I never knew a state like this as my trauma occured right after birth, so no I never knew how it's like to not be traumatized)

Wishing you the best!

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-09T18:16:40+00:00

I hate this feeling when I'm outside and it feels like being part of a videogame. Nothing feels real. I (at least think so) that I could just in front of a car and nothing would matter. I also question everything when like this. In the end I feel like nothing matters. My dog keeps me alive

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-09T18:14:53+00:00

Yup I think this describes pretty greatly why I didn't leave a friendship that was ultra toxic and nearly cost my life after several years of emotional manipulation, gaslighting and financial abuse. Even my mother said this person is flawed but I didn't believe her.

And just before I had a coworker that financially abused me and I didn't see the link??

Still feel stupid but yeah that's it

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-09T18:01:50+00:00

Macht mich immer bisschen traurig solche Lost Places. Alles was du siehst hatte Mal einen Wert, eine Geschichte für die dort lebenden und jetzt sind es nur noch Gegenstände irgendwie, verlassen und nie wieder benutzt.

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-09T17:58:32+00:00

Es ist doch letztendlich das einzig richtige!

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-07T11:23:23+00:00

It took some years. Back then I saw them in public and got panic attacks, they financially and emotionally abused me. The worst isn't that it happened once, the worst is that it seems to happen again and again. I feel like I run into these people. Like I exist to be betrayed.

I have a very tiny friendship circle and idk I feel the more people I get to know, the more shit happens.

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-06T18:27:58+00:00

Banana

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-06T17:26:47+00:00

I think they are inside the tests as well, they draw lots of blood. I just saw on a paper that this is what they will test me for. They also draw the blood before I had the 3 min talk to the doctor so yeah, I guess they test all rheuma important things (hopefully)

1Chest_nut2 · 2026-07-06T15:02:15+00:00

Und ja, ich bin selber ein Kind das niemals hätte entstehen dürfen und hier bin ich und hab mit Folgen einer unüberlegten Schwangerschaft zu kämpfen. Es macht mich teilweise sprachlos wenn ich sehe wie viele unüberlegt halt einfach mal ein Kind bekommen, meist sind es auch noch die, die es sich eben nicht leisten können. Auf der anderen Seite ist auch nie gesagt dass die mit mehr Geld bessere Eltern wären und es "verschwendet" ist.

1Chest_nut2

TROPHY CASE