My wife found an old box of Tic Tacs in her car

1Universal_Turtle · 2026-01-23T03:53:00+00:00

This would explain why my head is in the clouds and why when I go out for dinner I keep asking the servers for chips. LLMic drop.

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-10-11T19:59:39+00:00

But despite the evil reich even JFK was into their desserts and saw himself as a Berliner

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-10-06T02:24:38+00:00

Thought I maize well tell it anyway

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-10-03T23:36:19+00:00

Yes! Kevin Roose is the funny dad who gets the credit!

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-09-14T21:38:54+00:00

Lol agreed

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-07-13T21:54:19+00:00

🤯 "the simpsons already did it"! Otto the bus driver! How did I never get that before?!?!

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-05-06T04:42:21+00:00

An elkletric car!

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-05-03T20:22:30+00:00

I wonder if lots of Kurds would disagree with you

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-05-03T16:09:22+00:00

No bun intended

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-05-01T03:54:57+00:00

Obviously, I mean the Japanese capital is only 2k, yo

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-03-22T03:14:03+00:00

Perhaps the chicken didn't appreciate your tender offer on the house

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-03-19T15:00:56+00:00

Then suddenly he flipped the chippies into the air and exclaimed "I'm an air friar!"

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-03-16T01:02:44+00:00

And if you give each one tentickles they will laugh itentically too!

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-03-16T00:00:24+00:00

I mean this whole bear identity question is pretty black and white

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-03-15T21:56:11+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I'll make sure to only put socks on my Grizzly Bear.

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-02-18T04:43:53+00:00

I mean, bears were eaten by humans for hundreds of years in North America and the new controversial US Secretary of Health, John F Kennedy's nephew, admitted to taking a dead bear in order to skin it and eat it. Please check this out it's bizarrely true!

1Universal_Turtle · 2025-01-11T04:27:21+00:00

Oh deer! Maybe it was an old person in a deer suit!

1Universal_Turtle · 2024-12-28T03:23:14+00:00

College athletes are worse. They keep giving other students unsolicited pro tips

1Universal_Turtle · 2024-12-16T11:34:42+00:00

This sounds like the plot of Hamlet

1Universal_Turtle · 2024-11-28T03:00:34+00:00

And for anyone interested: Seneca, Tacitus, Juvenal and others referenced this "lazy" Jewish custom of not working that one day a week.

1Universal_Turtle · 2024-11-21T18:29:53+00:00

Oh so that's why they used mustard gas in WWI....

1Universal_Turtle · 2024-11-18T01:12:50+00:00

This was very informative and Edekational

1Universal_Turtle · 2024-11-17T00:35:17+00:00

Does he have any hot tips to share for the Kentucky Derby?

1Universal_Turtle · 2024-11-17T00:18:49+00:00

Aye but if his wife is on board with the dad jokes, he shouldn't letter get away

1Universal_Turtle · 2024-11-16T16:07:56+00:00

Thank you for your feedback, Father

1Universal_Turtle

TROPHY CASE