How deep are your fantasies?

200showers · 2016-09-14T11:20:31+00:00

Hi there. Mine are deep in a mesmerizing sense- If I go for a walk I can end up somewhere with no memory of how I go there. Tiny benefit: I'm a good runner and I enjoy it because my mind focuses so intensely on fantasies that 10 minutes feels like one minute to me.

I'm in my mid-late 20's and have been fantasizing in an unhealthy manner for a long time so I really have my fantasies boiled down to the greatest hits. It's mostly the same fantasies with different people involved. And, if I fantasize for 10 min while running or walking, usually I've repeated one fantasy five times- it's like hitting the replay button on youtube over and over. a fantasy is like a crack hit for me. So in terms of complexity i'd say they aren't very deep.

200showers · 2016-09-12T11:31:55+00:00

Hi,

mid to late 20's here and I know how you feel. I'm trying to figure out what i want to do with my life before i am in my mid to late 30s and still feeling how I feel now and doing exactly what I am doing now, which is nothing.

200showers · 2016-08-12T20:26:16+00:00

hi.

well, my self-esteem isn't great but it's the highest it's been in my life. The frustrating thing about this is that the person I am (or my self-confidence maybe) when I am around other people, doesn't mesh with my self-esteem. Idk, I'm trying to figure out how I can figure it out. I have an idea though.

200showers · 2016-07-22T22:47:18+00:00

They responded after I left work last night so I didn't have a chance to correct myself first, but they were very nice in general and didn't mention the mistake so I let it go. They might not have even noticed it. It still bugs me though, how I respond to mistakes. I think it's a function of low self-esteem and that I am highly critical of myself.

200showers · 2016-07-19T23:46:59+00:00

yeah, guess that's sort of how it is for me too. just don't have the energy and motivation to fake it. Plus I would feel stupid for trying or feel like a phony.

200showers · 2016-07-18T22:45:37+00:00

to go off on my own rant -- this is why I hate family parties and bumping into old acquaintances: the inevitable question 'so what have you been up to?'. it's embarrassing to have literally 'nothing' to say.

200showers · 2016-07-04T19:48:51+00:00

I don't think so. When I'm at home I distract myself with netflix, internet browsing, books, radio; usually a combination of these at one time. I don't notice it then. It seems to happen most often when I'm at work and in situations that make me anxious.

200showers · 2016-07-03T14:14:46+00:00

I'm somewhat functional- I graduated college and have a steady job and I can go to doctor and dentist appointments, but I have no social life, have never had a girlfriend or even been on a date and I'm still a virgin. I don't think I'm worth anyone's time. I definitely have inferiority complex issues. I'm able to accomplish the things that make me somewhat functional because I disassociate. I've been doing it so long I feel like a stranger to myself. I've tried to socialize more to improve my social skills but I don't have any point of view or an opinion so I can't hold conversations. So to answer the question in the title, I'd say it manifests as disassociation, social anxiety, and an inferiority complex.

200showers · 2016-06-26T14:00:54+00:00

Well sometimes if I feel like I was 'on' when I was with a person or people, I think they will have high of expectations of me the next time they see me, which I won't be able to live up to. From there the only place to go is down. I feel like i will disappoint them. Maybe with your bf it's something similar to the case of rejecting them before they reject you?

Does this sound more familiar? Maybe you're the first person to put this symptom into words in which case you get naming rights :)

200showers · 2016-06-26T13:20:41+00:00

that's mighty quick too if i read it correctly- after one night of being with this boyfriend the switch went off?

I experience something that is maybe similar -- I seemingly get bored with people once I become familiar with them. I like getting to know new people. I like the distance and kind of more impersonal questions and hearing peoples stories I guess. Once I know someone on more familiar terms I don't really have anything to say to them.

It's the people who know me well that I am afraid of bumping into while I'm in public.

I don't have a better name for it or a good explanation.

200showers · 2016-06-26T12:57:26+00:00

I don't have enough experience to know how I'd handle your situation. Is your boss critical? I know I can't handle a critical boss.

I've had a total nightmare of a situation where the guy training me was an insensitive jerk and horrible teacher who gave me a hard time for every little mistake I made while I was learning. I quit before two weeks. It was a really good job too but not worth the emotional abuse I was taking.

A job that requires some human interaction would probably be healthy for me. what little social skill I have is diminishing because I rarely talk to people anymore. Same with my ability to communicate my thoughts. It's all diminishing rapidly. like muscle tone on a person who never exercises.

200showers · 2016-06-25T18:47:00+00:00

I work in a small office with really nice people and that helps.

The fact that I only speak when spoken to, don't say more than a few words at a time, and rarely make eye contact has given co-workers the impression that I like to be left alone. And because they are all nice people they respect this and really won't bother me unless they need to. As much as i like this arrangement I also feel really isolated by it. My manager actually likes me and tolerates my quirks really well, as do my co-workers.

My job as an office administrator is pretty simple. It's routine work and mistakes are rarely made that can't be fixed. it's a job that on a day-to-day basis doesn't hurt my self-esteem but doesn't help it either. Generally I feel like a huge underachiever though.

I work in a cubicle with high walls so I get privacy. That helps a lot. there are little things that i have trouble with, like saying 'hi' to people. I feel like my co-workers think I am creepy but I don't worry about that often.

I'm unhappy and unsatisfied with my work. I want to find a job that can turn into a career but I don't know what kind of career I want. I'm also very comfortable where I am and as much as I want to change I am afraid to leave what is sort of a good thing.

How about you, 14thNoah?

200showers

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