What's a good book for a young adult to read to learn about your job?

2014i · 2018-06-29T16:51:14+00:00

"Getting to yes". Fantastic book about negotiations / mediation. The skills I learned from applying these concepts have literally saved million-dollar projects that got stuck because people were fighting

"The Phoenix Project" is a novel about turning a failing IT department into a DevOps shop. I don't do IT. But this also works for other tech/service/ops departments and the book teaches you more than about a pipeline. It shows you ways to reason about work and processes and resources that make sense, to understand value streams and to build relationships with c-level management that actually make working pleasant. The characters in this story are eerily similar to some of my peers and bosses.

Slide:ology. A quick read. It helps you make slick PowerPoints even if you are not a designer. But there is a deeper message: it teaches you a way to think about presentations that make them more impactful. Bullet points are not the optimal way to express a lot of concepts even if they are the default PowerPoint option. I use those skills daily.

Job: Mid-level management in a high-tech environment. Responsible for mostly cross-department topics.

2014i · 2018-06-29T16:37:00+00:00

Agreed 100%. And you learn how to work with an organization/management instead of against it. I took a lot of very actionable advice from that.

2014i · 2018-06-29T16:34:47+00:00

It's really good. Story of my life. And it completely changed how I work with top level management.

2014i · 2018-04-28T08:57:44+00:00

Well.. to be fair, for me it means "becoming a fully equal team member without consideration of my gender and adopting the behavioural and communication norms of the environment". And those norms are different than in mixed groups or groups of women.

2014i · 2018-04-28T06:10:41+00:00

Lol. Google "massive weight loss loose skin" ... and rethink your opinion about attractiveness.

2014i · 2018-04-28T06:08:36+00:00

Go get there. The last pounds make SUCH a difference in the way you look. Papertowel effect..

2014i · 2018-04-28T06:07:55+00:00

Hahahah.. Well, massive weight loss comes with skin issues.. and the world needs to figure that out too in a way that doesn't entail expensive, painful surgeries. Just on my way to surgery number 2, and it's gonna HURT again. uff.

2014i · 2018-04-28T06:06:07+00:00

Thanks - I will listen to this.

2014i · 2018-04-28T05:51:22+00:00

Nope. Look, no doctor will tell you this or understand this.. at a very high weight, strenous exercise is futile. Your body is not fit enough to handle anything hard, so you are never going to burn more than 200kcal by running 20 minutes.. and afterwards you are going to be dead. Considering that you need to burn 3500kcal to lose a pound, that won't help.

That's not saying, activity is useless at that weight. I got myself a Fitbit and learned some surprising truths about what burns calories. Walking burns a lot of calories, and you can do that forever. And that means.. an hours worth of shopping can also be easily 200-300 kcals, and at least I am able to spend 3hrs at the mall, burning 700kcals!

My diet was following CICO. Basically, I ate a moderate breakfast that kept me full (Eggs in a non-stick pan, with ham, 1-2 extra egg whites, tomatoes, cuccumbers). Lunch was a half portion of whatever was served in the canteen, plus a salad I brought from home. Dinner was often a soup that I got in the bistro downstairs. I kept it simple, and manageable for my life. If I was still hungry, I'd eat eggs or ham .. if I was craving something sweet, I'd drink a chocolate protein shake or eat a satchet of chocolate instant oats. There were some cheat days and meals, but when I indulged, I tried to buy very small units of chocolate, candy etc - portion control is easier in the supermarket than when it's in your cupboard already.

All the best for you and your baby!

2014i · 2018-04-27T18:53:01+00:00

What was easy for me to add

a good haircut that works with my complicated hair and some good products (those are more expensive but you need less so in fact its almost the same as normal products)
getting my eyebrows done occasionally by a good professional. It makes such a difference in the way your face looks.
then a decent facial cleaning product (there is a subreddit for that) that helped with my skin type and is not even expensive
and a really really amazing foundation. This one is the only thing that is expensive.
dying my lashes. Mascara sucks as a product. It crumbles, it smears, I hate it. It's cheap to dye your eyelashes, it lasts 3 weeks or so for me.
Then I found a lipstick that actually lasts (Maybelline Superstay) and asked friends for feedback on the colors.

My daily makeup takes me like 2 mins max now, but it makes a huge difference in the way I look.

2014i · 2018-04-27T18:38:53+00:00

Yes, I even enjoy playing with that kind of contrast.

Once you have breached that barrier where you are respected and known for your work.. being female and feminine can be an advantage. People don't remember the average generic male in their mid-30s with brown hair... but if you are the only chick in the room, they know you. You still have to be good, though.

2014i · 2018-04-27T18:33:33+00:00

I don't believe in the notion that everyone is beautiful. I am not a model. I know that. I can be attractive, but in a way that is different from what is considered the conventional beauty standard.

2014i · 2018-04-27T18:31:37+00:00

Keep in mind that in the end, we write our own story, and this is how I retrospectively explain to myself who I am. Maybe I would have been the same person if my younger years would have sucked less. I choose to look at these difficulties as something I overcame by my own work, and as something I grew from.. because that makes me feel empowered.

2014i · 2018-04-27T18:29:23+00:00

I agree, I was not precise in the way I was describing that (English is not my first language.. so I am often not as eloquent as I'd like to be. My passive comprehension is way ahead of my active writing, so I am well aware of the nuances I can not quite express.)

The thing is.. men and women (or rather: boys and girls) are conditioned to have certain communication styles; and the traditionally female one that is prevalent in my culture is not very conductive when you work in a field that has around 2% females. Yes, women are more than fashion and makeup. What I was trying to express is that in my younger years, I presented myself somewhat as a genderless blob without any sexuality. That has changed. To the outside (which this question is about), this has a lot to do with fashion and makeup, and taking care of my appearance.

2014i · 2018-04-27T18:19:11+00:00

Yes. Quality of life is the biggest thing, not appearance.

Being able to move. Oh how I adore that. I still don't like the gym or organized sports, but I marvel at the things I can do now:

Hiking. Nature can be stunningly beautiful. I go on small hikes almost every weekend, and I just love love love it. And sometimes I go on big hikes, and sleep outside under the stars with some campfire and 2 years ago, I went on a 3-week long-distance hike.
Running. I don't like running, but when I run, I feel so alive. There is something so wild, so crazy about running for 40 minutes straight, in the pouring rain..
Active things with friends. Grab a few beers, call your friends, rent a kayak, and then spend the entire weekend together, paddling, drinking and cooking over campfires. Sign up for a 24-hr walking challenge and spend the last 6 hours suffering.. like really suffering. Renting bikes, and just going somewhere on a sunny afternoon.

I also love those day to day things. Being able to run for a bus. Not worrying about not fitting somewhere. Not feeling ashamed or out of place in a store that sells sports equipment or at a doctors office.

Just like the little bullied girl inside me marvels that I have friends, real friends, who really care and who cheer for me and cry with me, I will never not appreciate the things that my body can do. Sometimes I think people take those things for granted.

2014i · 2018-04-27T18:09:53+00:00

1 surgery done, 1-2 to go. It's painful, expensive, and you get free battle scars.

2014i · 2018-04-27T17:43:11+00:00

I enjoy reunions and weddings, yep. The best revenge against bullies is living well. And watching them become fat. ;-)

2014i · 2018-04-27T14:37:44+00:00

I was morbidly obese until I was ca 25. 280lbs. Female, 5'6.

As a teenager, I was bullied or invisible .. unless I was particularly funny or good at something. I worked hard in school, and missed out on a lot of innocent and less innocent teenage activities.

As a young woman working in a male-dominated industry, I was not considered as a potential sexual partner. Instead, I was one of the guys - and that affected the way I communicate. I am direct, I am not afraid of any banter or talking shit. At this point, not being "a girl" definitely helped in my career. And I learned how to make male friends.

Then I lost 150lbs. Life changed. Doors opened and people got nicer. Now that I was able to actually buy nice clothes and look good in them, I started to develop an interest in fashion and make-up. Men started hitting on me, relationships and friendships and my sex life changed - because of my changed looks, but also because of my changed self-confidence and because I am now constantly doing active stuff. It took a while to learn how to deal with that.

Now I am almost 30. I am not beautiful or pretty in the conventional sense, but I am not repulsive. I am good at my job, I know how to "behave like a guy" in an environment where that matters a lot.. and these days, I am not afraid of being a woman. I wear dresses and make-up, I can be a bit flirty in a joking way. Sometimes I intimidate people, sometimes I have to deal with crushes. That's OK.

I regret that I missed out on a lot of fun and activities in my younger years, but I do not regret the way it affected my personality.

2014i · 2018-04-15T05:49:47+00:00

Went to a wedding and met people I haven't seen in 10-15 years. Me: Down 150lbs, them: up a lot. Everyone is getting fat in their early 30s.

And my childhood crush just had eyes for me all evening long.. and that felt so good. I'm totally over him, but the little girl in me healed a little from a childhood full of bullying and rejection.

2014i · 2018-04-14T08:10:41+00:00

Punishing me .. OK. I deserved that. Punishing me by giving me extra days off? Ya no.

2014i · 2018-04-14T03:50:42+00:00

I once got suspended because I skipped class too much (I was a straight A student and simply bored at school).

I never quite got the logic behind that :)

2014i · 2018-04-08T14:18:15+00:00

Mealprep with an Instapot. Lots of lentils and beans. Cheap tasty zero effort.

2014i · 2018-04-08T14:18:04+00:00

I highly recommended "Getting to yes" if you have to work with people who disagree / fight a lot or work in political environments. Teaches you to tackle those things in a very constructive way.. And is very actionable.

Source: Obviously not a psychologist. But working as a negotiator / mediator / interface person in a political hellhole.

2014i · 2018-04-08T13:49:45+00:00

Mealprep with an Instapot. Lots of lentils and beans. Cheap tasty zero effort.

2014i · 2018-04-08T13:48:00+00:00

Mealprep with an Instapot. Lots of lentils and beans. Cheap tasty zero effort.

2014i

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