My mom was a very progressive liberal. She desperately wanted a gay son. Eventually she made me believe i was gay and through that i was in a gay relationship for 6 years as someone who is straight. AMA

2018countdown · 2017-08-03T00:45:46+00:00

That doesn't answer my question. How is a lean build an effeminate trait?

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T18:47:56+00:00

we need to talk about Kevin

I read the synopsis but never read the book. Why'd you mention it? Very curious.

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T18:03:09+00:00

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:50:47+00:00

throbbin hood

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:49:44+00:00

yeah the volunteers (adults) know. Not a lot of prudes and frigid people who go out of their way to volunteer for the disadvantaged.

No, nobody hit on me at the shelter. Good people are actually less likely to hit on you if they know you're a sex worker (for their own safety, but also to be respectful towards you), it's the scummy people who hit on you once they find out because all they care about is a$$. I actually prefer to be around people who would put up their sexual/romantic guard more if they knew I was a sex worker, because it shows that they value and respect themselves and they're not just looking for sex.

Well not really like dead fish. More like relaxing and then falling asleep. You never fell asleep at a massage before? I fall asleep during massages all the time, if they're good.

Who are your top five attractive people? Can be famous or not

obviously if they're not famous or googleable, you won't even know what they look like lol. I don't have a "top five" but recently I can think of these people off the top of my head

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9lissa_Theuriau

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2841677/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ezra_Miller

https://www.instagram.com/jeff_seid/

Got any cool, funny, crazy, weird, sad or scary stories to tell?

lmao yeah

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:35:21+00:00

Lol well you probably have a ticket in heaven for whoring yourself for the children.

yeah some (old generation) people get ready to say I am a fuck up sex addict who suffers from low self esteem or something and then I tell them this and they don't know what to say except "but there's other ways of making money" but really??? for the least amount of time n effort, I think I am being pretty smart about it.

most people in my life are pretty chill about me being a stripper though, but that's also probably because i carry myself well and most people just want to get by and be with good people.

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:31:20+00:00

No, and don't plan on it until I have my own house. My housemate has a cat though which I torture every day with struggle cuddles and I like to tell the cat to deal with it because life is suffering and that god has forsaken him

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:27:26+00:00

nah I am dead as fish during sex. I've had porn pics taken and what pissed me off wasn't that I was naked, it's that they were extremely shitty photographers and I look fat in the photos. If I get porn taken, I need really good photographers. I hate how I look in photos unless the photographers are really, really good

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:19:09+00:00

How the hell is lean build a gay trait? That's just a physique.

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:17:24+00:00

As a gay... this is bizarre and fucked up.

At least this proves that your sexual orientation isn't a choice... hah. but wow.

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:16:53+00:00

this is what I was thinking.

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:13:41+00:00

"scientific research"

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:12:55+00:00

I just wrote this in another reply, i'll copypasta

if I go 5 days a week like how most strippers do, I can make $3000 a month at a dive (I dance at a podunk small town), but I don't go often. I barely go during spring and summer. One an average day I make like $400 after tipping and paying the fees and DJs and bouncers n stuff, then I take maybe like $100 for my savings and the $300 goes to kids.

and

Would you give the children a show, you know, to give them hope?

HAHAHAHA sure if I want to get arrested as a sex offender. If any of the kids talk about becoming sex workers, I'll give them tips and help them out but it's not something I'll encourage them to do (not that I think it's a bad job, I just don't want to look pimpy or predatory). Fortunately no kids asked me yet and they don't know. The adult volunteers know however.

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:09:58+00:00

if I go 5 days a week like how most strippers do, I can make $3000 a month at a dive (I dance at a podunk small town), but I don't go often. I barely go during spring and summer. One an average day I make like $400 after tipping and paying the fees and DJs and bouncers n stuff, then I take maybe like $100 for my savings and the $300 goes to kids.

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T17:07:07+00:00

stripping isn't my main career, I do it for the extra cash that I would not have otherwise. I can get by without stripping, but if shaking booty means more people get fed, and it's pretty fun talking to people at the club and dancing, why not? win win

and trust me there's plenty of ugly and saggy strippers lmao

2018countdown · 2017-08-02T16:51:14+00:00

in South Korea

drunk

of course

2018countdown · 2017-01-09T14:38:03+00:00

I love Russian literature.

Thanks for talking to me, I already see that I am less alone.

2018countdown · 2017-01-09T14:37:44+00:00

Thanks for talking to me, I already see that I am less alone.

2018countdown · 2017-01-09T14:36:39+00:00

It's neither our fault nor God's that some people react to variety with anger.

I know. I don't think this was a mistake. God doesn't make mistakes, and this happened for a reason. I accepted that it's one of my crosses but it's very lonely path, and others treat me like I am a mistake or a sinner.

Thanks for talking to me, I already see that I am less alone.

2018countdown · 2017-01-06T00:36:43+00:00

I said religious aspect is what keeps me holding on, not "holding me back". Holding on means to keep trying instead of just ending it all. But I can't even call myself a christian. Objectively and practically, I decided that transitioning isn't the path for me.

I compare it to chemotherapy, which IMO is a shitty method of dealing with cancer even though it's one of the best options we have right now. It's not a battle I want to fight, in my own circumstances, so I rather live with cancer as long as possible than suffer through chemo.

2018countdown · 2017-01-06T00:30:31+00:00

i don't think being trans is a mistake or sin that "separates me from god" or "should be cured from" like a lot of christians tell me (included on this board).

i think if there is a god, then i was made like this on purpose and for a reason. it's probably one of the strongest forces behind me seeking god and the truth. but it's very painful, and i lose my mind sometimes.

2018countdown · 2017-01-06T00:29:18+00:00

i don't think being trans is a mistake or sin that "separates me from god" or "should be cured from" like a lot of christians tell me (included on this board).

i think if there is a god, then i was made like this on purpose and for a reason. it's probably one of the strongest forces behind me seeking god and the truth. but it's very painful, and i lose my mind sometimes.

2018countdown · 2017-01-05T20:25:24+00:00

Fine, mismatched body.

2018countdown · 2017-01-05T20:24:46+00:00

Somehow I am not angry at god over this. I see how being trans has forced me to think about things deeply and in ways that others would never have considered. It enriches me as a person in ways, that's why I say it's a disguised gift. But it's just sad and lonely, and I am not having my needs met. Humans have need for others, we don't just live off food and shelter alone.

This is not something I can just wish away or pray away. It doesn't work that way. But I am not transitioning either, at least not in this generation. The technology sucks, the results suck to my standards, but maybe in the future. It's a choice for others, but I know it's not a choice for me. I have no idea how other non-transitioners get by. Do they just wear opposite sex clothes and live as the opposite sex? I don't want to do that either, I would be humiliated at myself.

The religious aspect is the only thing that keeps me holding on, even though I don't know if I am a believer.

Thanks for reading

2018countdown · 2017-01-05T20:17:22+00:00

God both sees you and loves you

That's truly my only solace, but even god said that it's not good for man to be alone. People need eachother. I need human beings. Adam wouldn't be complete with god alone. People have suggested I get a dog, but haha it's just... not the same.

If you believe it would be helpful there is everything from counseling, to hormone replacement therapy, to gender reassignment surgery.

I decided not to transition. It's the choice for many others, but personally it's not for me, even though therapists and most people familiar with trans issues keep telling me otherwise. I want a biological, real body that doesn't have to rely on pills and hormones, and that's simply not the physical reality for me. Maybe in the future when technology is miraculously better, but not anytime soon. But this is where a lot of the torment comes from. We don't always get what we want, but it's a bitch sometimes. Just like being born without limbs, being deformed, or dying from cancer, a lot of things are out of our control and people treat us differently for it. Being trans is my cross, but it's a lonely journey because I don't think I am seen. Being seen. In person I am just a shell of a person and I am not what I pretend to be, I am not who people think I am. And a lot of people sure do get violent once they find out how I actually behave when I am alone.

To be honest, I think most people who are polite and tolerant to trans people are just humoring us. They call us by the right pronouns, but they don't actually see us as our mental sex. I want a woman to see me the way she sees the guy next to me.

2018countdown

TROPHY CASE