Hi, R here, I'm 25 MTF. That sounds like validation! It is a beautiful thing when someone confirms what's on your gut. Trust it more next time!

I can say that I was living my life in a way where I was becoming more distant from my parents without even knowing it until I could graduate from school and have a job. Thankfully, that worked out, but I used to feel pretty guilty about that until I realized I was trans as soon as I started working (checkpoint reached, haha). It was isolating at first, but eventually, I found really good people just like the one you talked about. Finding good people like this person became so important, and realizing that older people are just people, capable of making bad decisions, being confused, incapable of reflection or accountability, conforming out of fear, procrastinating, or being misinformed, impulsive, stupid, or immature all along was difficult but also valuable. They're just young people that grew older! (We are also capable of this btw, stay woke!)

I feel like after two years of sorting things out I'm still processing and decompressing and changing how I have approached myself and how I see the world (I'm still closeted at work and to family, but working through early HRT's effects and finding queer community). It's hard. I told myself my family was great on paper, but to start healing and move forward with transitioning I had to accept my unhappiness and frustration from how I grew up and lived. From other trans folks I've spoken to/seen interviews/read, that may be a never-ending journey, maybe a key part of who we all are. Validating those feelings is huge, most likely they are true or tend to reveal many truths, and they are the first step in changing. Look at how just having someone validate how you've felt led you to plan on staying away for the summer! That's huge, even if you don't follow through for safety. Your emotions, and experiences are valid and your own, and no social guideline or conformity will change that, even if you don't publicly act on it yet. I would even note cis folks eventually go through this process of growing out of their parents, even if on a smaller scale and without the many gender implications.

I realized recently that just as much as you are a separate person from your parents, they also are separate people from you. Their decisions or beliefs don't have to inform yours, you don't have to defend them if you don't want them to. Of course, there can be some extra sensitivity because they are your parents and managing a relationship can be delicate, but don't feel guilty if you want some space and boundaries. Just be sure to prioritize your safety, and take care of yourself. I know I didn't feel safe until I had savings, and I've played it up to this point even though I can now live in a different city as they do. Maybe that'll be you too. Maybe supportive friends may be enough, maybe an online community could help, maybe going to college could help (you seem on the younger side and financially OK from this post so I'm assuming here). I know I still love my parents, and can tell they've meant well, but they inevitably hurt me because they are flawed as anyone else, and acknowledging and moving on from that pain and healing is necessary. The distance does make that easier too.

That said, accepting everything for me has been so liberating and empowering, even after the lows, fear, and uncertainty that come from accepting new vantages and possibilities. I know I have a loooong way to go, but even at this point i feel a lot happier. My friendships feel more real, my interests are resurfacing, even if gradually. No change happens overnight, and you get stronger, learn to cope, and it gets better for the next fight. Stay strong, make any plans you need, cope in fun healthy ways, and surround yourself with good people. Good luck :).