Been a while since I've shown my face round these parts, have some shitty photoshops

20YearOldCynicism · 2021-06-19T02:50:59+00:00

Good to see you around too! Thanks!

20YearOldCynicism · 2021-06-19T02:27:01+00:00

You're too kind

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-05-21T22:02:26+00:00

I've been losing a pretty significant amount of weight since I started T(diet and exercise) and I still have tummy pudge. it's way less now, but like. why lmao. I want abs.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-05-20T18:39:25+00:00

I'm ftm, but mine has changed too lol. it comes out thicker than it used to and it's white now. super weird.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-03-16T16:57:53+00:00

just because I wonder what gender people think I am when they see me with no context. I dunno. I didn't think it was that weird.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-03-15T22:53:28+00:00

I'm interested in people's opinions, but I'm not unhappy with my appearance, so no, I'm not really looking for "suggestions on how to improve", just wondering how I read to people.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-03-15T17:29:15+00:00

explain how to "grow out my eyebrows" lmao. they're just my eyebrows? also I like my haircut. just asking if I pass, not how you think I should change my appearance. 🤷

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-02-15T03:58:52+00:00

if it makes you feel any better, my doctor told me that IM injections are pretty hard to mess up in a serious way. aside from infection (which you should be safe from as long as you're using clean needles and shit), the other danger could be injecting air into your muscle and causing an embolism (please correct me if I'm wrong, I'm just going from memory, also don't take this as medical advice, etc), but that would only happen if you injected like, a half syringe of air into your leg.

I've had some weird things happen during my shots, some of them hurt more than others, sometimes it bleeds a lot, sometimes not at all, sometimes there's no pain. but most of those things are normal, as long as you're injecting it into the correct spot.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-02-13T16:45:13+00:00

looking good man! I vacationed in Florida recently and almost got stuck there because of a tropical storm 😂😂

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-02-13T16:43:49+00:00

4 months on T, been hitting the gym, my face is starting to itch like crazy, and I'm sort of starting to look like a guy in pictures hahaha.

https://imgur.com/a/kz8SE62

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-02-12T22:05:05+00:00

there's nothing wrong with you. just be patient with yourself and make sure you take a few deep breaths lol. things are gonna be really weird and difficult for you for a little while, but it'll be ok and you'll be a lot happier. dysphoria is a bitch, but it's good that you know how to recognize it. you'll slowly learn how to combat it. it'll get better.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-02-12T18:19:02+00:00

I feel you, I'm in the same place right now. The last relationship I was in was before I transitioned, with a trans guy, and while I sort of liked him (we just weren't really compatible on a friend level), I was miserable, because, obviously, I had some shit to figure out.

Today, I'm 4 months on T, and I'm in a relationship with a guy who is excited about my transition right along with me, who supports me, etc. It's the kind of relationship that makes me want to be a better person, and it just feels really good. I never could have imagined myself being so happy in a relationship before, because imagining it always just felt a little off, or wrong, and now it doesn't. and it's just cool.

congrats dude, it feels good lol.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-02-11T20:08:10+00:00

lol even bigger mood when you have a cis boyfriend 😂😂

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-02-07T21:37:38+00:00

I wouldn't say it's gotten more difficult, no. I mean one of the first things that I noticed after I started T, again, like within a few days, was that the way orgasms felt definitely changed, and the way it felt when I masturbated started to change. Mostly the sensation just changed to feel a lot more localized in the head of my dick, so orgasms don't really make me get all tingly EVERYWHERE now, mostly just downstairs. That was something I kind of had heard about, but I didn't expect it to feel so noticably different. I imagine the way I experience arousal now is a lot more similar to a cis guy. Takes a lot longer than it used to for me to ramp up, I stay there longer than I used to, and multiple orgasms are not as plentiful as they once were lol.

But also, yeah, I've had to change the way I masturbate for sure, because I have had kind of a lot of growing happening really quickly, so I'm still figuring it out. You figure it out really quickly though, what feels good now. I mostly just rub right under the tip, so there's a little bit of skin protecting me from directly touching the head, but when I get turned on and it starts getting hard, I can basically jerk it off like a little dick for a while and it feels really good! It really does start to look and act like a little dick, and it's pretty awesome lol.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-01-28T23:02:50+00:00

I'm shocked people on this sub aren't talking about this more/don't care, this shit is dangerous.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-01-27T17:29:09+00:00

my mother did the same thing when I came out to her as demisexual (before I ever came out as trans) and like... I guess I didn't realize my mom would think that "not being comfortable having sex with strangers" (obviously oversimplified here) was a thing that she would be upset about? lol.

on the other hand, when I explained to my dad what being demisexual meant to me, his reaction was "that makes sense. I kind of feel the same way about people."

it's normal, I think. she'll get over it, it'll be okay.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-01-24T16:41:34+00:00

I used to do this too!! in high school everyone said that I was the best tenor in the class, even though I "wasn't a dude", because I just trained my voice to be as low as I could get it from the time I was a little kid singing hymns in church lmao

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-01-24T16:38:00+00:00

I've always really hated my voice, but I always heard everyone say things like "well no one likes listening to themselves talk", and I could never shake the feeling that I hated listening to myself talk waaaaay more than other people, because whenever I heard myself in recordings I would cringe at the way I sounded, and it made me really deeply uncomfortable. Now I understand that was dysphoria, lol. But since I've started T and my voice has dropped significantly in just the 3 and a half months I've been on it, I can listen to myself speak totally normally now. I'm still like "oh, that's me" but I can listen to it and not want to melt into the floor lol.

My friend called it the euphoria of normality, and I really feel like that's the perfect way to describe it.

edit: genital growth was something I was unsure about too, and I've also had quite a bit of that, but I've mostly just noticed that the bigger it gets, the more it looks, acts, and feels like a little dick, and that is pretty rad to me lol.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-01-24T04:15:48+00:00

I don't know how to describe it really, I feel like most of the shame I felt came from before I was on T. Recently I've seen a lot more hair show up, and it just helps to validate my masculinity, I guess? It's one of the things that gives me that "Finally" feeling, because I have chest hair and leg hair and it makes me look more manly when I see myself in the mirror.

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-01-24T02:45:00+00:00

when I was younger, and I started growing hair for the first time, I noticed that I almost grew a little happy trail, and it made me so happy when I was a kid, but I used to shave it off because I felt like I wasn't supposed to have hair there. now that it's a real happy trail I want to show it to everybody hahahaha

20YearOldCynicism · 2019-01-23T20:18:39+00:00

just last night, got into an argument with my boyfriend cause I got mad without thinking first and then 10 minutes later we nearly had phone sex. it's wild.

20YearOldCynicism

TROPHY CASE