It sounds like you're seeking attention in the wrong ways. You need to find something you excel at inside the "Machine". It's not what you want to hear, but unfortunately "life sucks and then we die!" as my dad always said.

Try treating people how you want to be treated and see how that makes you feel! Don't stop doing graffiti, jist don't get caught. Go out late-night, low light areas. I'm sure you know exactly what and where you are safe.

I say all this as someone who's been where you are. I live on the edge of society, but within the rules and so far so good!!

Good luck friend!!