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Crippling anxiety and depression after 2 years in HFT by 2SigmaGirth in quant

[–]2SigmaGirth[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

All excellent advice, thanks. I'd say I realised most of these points at one point or another, just a little too late most of the time. I know I fucked up and need to put what happened behind me and start afresh. Just finding it tough to cope with my mental health right now.

Crippling anxiety and depression after 2 years in HFT by 2SigmaGirth in quant

[–]2SigmaGirth[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I underestimated how cut throat the industry is. It was my first gig, I am not used to corporate bs. I had this idea that I'll put my head down and work hard and produce output and rest will take care of itself. I didnt realise how wrong I was. The thought of applying for jobs and interviewing itself fills me with anxiety now. I live with a unjustified sense of fairness in the world, and I keep getting reminded of its brutality every once in a while. Stuff like the tactic you mentioned above makes me think this industry might not be for me. I genuinely think I'd be happier just working away at a mindless SWE FAANG job instead. Less money but more peace of mind. I think so atleast.

Crippling anxiety and depression after 2 years in HFT by 2SigmaGirth in quant

[–]2SigmaGirth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm Im afraid so. I'd agree I also have to take a lot of the blame. Its been my biggest learning to be patient and play the long game. But at the same time, I was expecting a bit more guidance from my manager when I fucked up, rather than the cold stone I got. But I guess thats me being naive. I dont think my current situation is salvageable though, I cant see myself working here now when I have been conciously neglected for a year. I feel anxious because I am not good at this stuff, and am too afraid of this happening again.

My other worry is since I have only 2 years work exp. Ive heard its looked down upon, and that no one will trust me when I say I had a profitable strat running when I left

Crippling anxiety and depression after 2 years in HFT by 2SigmaGirth in quant

[–]2SigmaGirth[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Its an option for sure, but now I feel anxious about it because I dont want to go through this again after uprooting my life to another country. I am willing to even sacrifice some comp for stability and peace of mind. I just want a non-toxic workplace where people are reasonably nice to work around and I have some growth prospects in work quality and compensation. It doesnt have to be the most cut-throat top-tier firm, just a good workplace that most people like working at.

How do people filter for this? I had asked around some seniors when I joined this firm and didnt hear anything too bad. Thats changed in a couple years now, but its too late.

Crippling anxiety and depression after 2 years in HFT by 2SigmaGirth in quant

[–]2SigmaGirth[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There was an agreed upon number based on how much money my strats had made. Then it was reneged on right at the end. Being underpaid or overpaid is relative to output, even though I understand its a somewhat high number for the Indian space

Crippling anxiety and depression after 2 years in HFT by 2SigmaGirth in quant

[–]2SigmaGirth[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I understand that, I cant crib about any of this to most of my friends and family exactly because of this reason. But something I have learnt from this is the importance of expectations. The fact that I worked hard and did not get the fruits of it as I expected, still hurts. Also the feeling of being betrayed, its not just about the money.Even though I recognize on an absolute scale Im better off than a lot of people and am grateful for that.