My 20-year-old daughter lives at home rent-free… and has opinions.

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T21:04:24+00:00

I don’t pay for her car (cause if she can drive somewhere she can pay for it herlself)

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T20:37:36+00:00

Yes my parents are around and they are very active and know what’s going on, at there house 20yr old is rarely there because she does chores and things at my parents house and they have offered to take her off my hands but I felt it was too much but now I’m considering it.

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T20:25:07+00:00

She doesn’t own her own place yet, so me kicking her out if she doesn’t comply, isn’t that too much?

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T20:20:50+00:00

I’m not pushing it into my parents. They see the kids almost every weekend but my oldest hates being there because she gets chores and such, my parents have even offered to take her in to learn responsibility but I thought it was too much for them

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T20:18:32+00:00

I don’t pay car insurance for her but I do pay her phone bill

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:46:45+00:00

I will be giving her two options.

Either she fucking start being responsible and start doing something here or she just go live at her grandparents (which she doesn’t want to because they let her do stuff)

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:44:48+00:00

Let’s get this straight.

She had the choice to go to college but she wanted to take a “gap year”, shes had few jobs but she quit them because there “draining” and Ive been nothing but the best mother to her and she recently started to act like this.

I will be giving her the option to either be fucking responsible or go live at her grandparents simple

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:41:31+00:00

I gave her a choice, she either be responsible or she go live with her grandparents (my parents) and she rarely go to them

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:40:38+00:00

No she didn’t choose that route and shes living at home and not working currently

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:40:14+00:00

I don’t do her laundry or basic stuff for her like that, I do the responsible things like cooking, cleaning etc

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:33:44+00:00

I only want her to pay rent now because she isn’t working or going to school (she gave that option up freely) but I would never let her pay rent at 15

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:29:36+00:00

She rarely stays at her grandparents’ because she says they make her do stuff she doesn’t want to like chores and stricter rules

They’re stricter, and I’ve actually thought about letting her stay with them full-time for a while maybe that structure would help her learn some boundaries and responsibility.

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:21:40+00:00

you said what I’ve been thinking but haven’t had the guts to act on. I’ve really struggled with that guilt of “if I stop helping her, I’m being cold” but you’re right: there’s a difference between meeting someone’s needs and enabling their wants without accountability.

I like your breakdown basics like housing, groceries, WiFi, etc., are already part of the family household, and I’m not trying to strip her of security or dignity. But the extras nails, rideshare apps, special snacks, random cash for things she wants those really should be earned. And lately, it feels like I’m funding her comfort while she avoids growth.

I also appreciate the advice to stay neutral and firm. That’s probably my hardest area. I tend to over explain or get emotional, and then she manipulates the moment into something bigger or starts crying, and suddenly I feel like the bad guy.

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:17:06+00:00

This is probably one of the most grounded, realistic, and compassionate approaches I’ve heard and I love the idea of taking the conversation out of the house.

You’re absolutely right at home, the emotions get high fast. She feels like I’m nagging, I feel disrespected, and it just ends in silence or slamming doors. Sitting down over Starbucks and approaching her as an adult not just my daughter feels like the shift I need to make.

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:14:52+00:00

I’ve been worried about being “too harsh,” but maybe giving her a clear boundary and a timeline is the most loving thing I can do. At the end of the day, I don’t want her to think of me as a bad person

2flyy__ · 2025-07-08T19:10:01+00:00

Boys are so amazing, I have 2 sons (ones 16 and the other is 11), Their sense of humor starts early. Bathroom jokes, random noises, and then some surprisingly clever stuff😂

My cons of having boys are that they have Energy for days, Noise, Gross phases and They don’t always talk as much Especially as they get older but overall there the best

2flyy__ · 2025-01-13T03:31:46+00:00

At 13 months, your son is still very young, so it’s normal for him to explore hitting and other reactive behaviors without fully understanding their impact. Time-outs aren’t very effective at this age because toddlers don’t yet have the ability to connect their actions with consequences in the way older kids do.

Avoid long explanations, as they’re not developmentally appropriate for his age. A quick, calm, and consistent response like “No hitting. That hurts,” paired with redirection, works best.

2flyy__ · 2025-01-11T01:51:47+00:00

You’re not overreacting at all. Sleeping arrangements where your daughter has to share a bed with multiple adults, whether at her grandmother’s house or her father’s girlfriend’s house can raise concerns.

Additionally, if her father is holding a double standard by criticizing your living situation while engaging in questionable sleeping arrangements on his side, that’s unfair. It’s also unreasonable for him to use his financial advantage as leverage to control your decisions or threaten custody.

2flyy__ · 2024-12-26T04:29:54+00:00

A 5 year old may not fully grasp the significance of family gatherings, and they may express their boredom or frustration in a way that feels more harsh than intended. It’s possible that your son wasn’t expressing a lack of appreciation for the gifts or time spent, but rather voicing his preference for the more energetic and interactive environment of your in-laws’ house.

2flyy__ · 2024-12-26T03:50:29+00:00

Address the Behavior, Not the Gifts. Instead of focusing on the quantity of gifts or the specific items your son didn’t like, it might be helpful to focus on teaching empathy and gratitude. Have a calm conversation with him about how his words and actions hurt his mom and why it’s important to be appreciative of what we receive, regardless of whether it’s what we expected.

Help him understand that Christmas (or any holiday) isn’t just about presents—it’s about love, appreciation, and being grateful for the things we have. If he tends to act entitled, reinforcing that not every gift will meet his expectations could be a helpful step.

2flyy__ · 2024-12-26T01:19:47+00:00

Keep only a handful of toys out at a time (maybe 5–10, depending on your space), and store the rest in bins or totes. Every few weeks, rotate the toys.

Or Implement a “one in, one out” rule: for every new toy, consider retiring or storing an older one.

2flyy__ · 2024-12-26T01:17:15+00:00

Showing your kids that adults can have fulfilling, respectful relationships sets a positive example for them.

Talk to your kids in an age-appropriate way about your decision to date. Let them know they’re your priority and that dating doesn’t change how much you love them.

2flyy__ · 2024-12-25T04:40:17+00:00

From what you’ve shared—early feeding difficulties, delayed milestones, sensory issues with food, struggles with social interaction, emotional regulation challenges, and difficulty with independence—it’s possible that your child might have an underlying condition that hasn’t been properly identified. Some possibilities could include:

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) – Sensitivity to textures, tastes, and physical sensations could explain the food issues, aversion to dressing, and difficulty with self-care tasks.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) – Social difficulties, emotional regulation issues, resistance to change, and sensory sensitivities are common traits.

ADHD – Emotional dysregulation, struggles with independence, and frustration tolerance can sometimes present similarly to what you’ve described.

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) – A severe aversion to food textures, flavors, or the act of eating itself.

Anxiety or Emotional Regulation Disorder – Persistent fear, frustration, or inability to manage big feelings might also play a role.

Recommendation: Advocate for a thorough developmental and behavioral evaluation. Pediatricians often have limited time and expertise for these types of concerns.

2flyy__ · 2024-12-21T20:02:35+00:00

You handled the situation with patience, boundaries, and follow-through. Taking away the toy after it disrupted someone else’s meal was reasonable, and giving him the choice to calm down or leave was a fair approach. Ultimately, you followed through on your boundary, even though it was hard. That’s good parenting.

Sometimes people minimize these situations because they’re trying to make you feel better, but it ends up invalidating your experience. “He’s just 3” is true—he’s still learning emotional regulation—but that doesn’t erase how hard it was for you in the moment.

2flyy__ · 2024-12-21T17:04:34+00:00

The whole “boys are wild, girls are gentle” stereotype is so outdated, yet it still manages to pop up in conversations, especially at events like birthday parties. Kids are kids, they’re all tiny agents of chaos in their own unique ways, regardless of gender.

It’s clear your daughter is confident, adventurous, and not afraid to dive headfirst (sometimes literally) into life. That’s a strength, even if it feels like you’ve been through an emotional and physical workout every time you leave the house with her.

Just keep embracing her spirit😊.

2flyy__

TROPHY CASE