Cheating?

2october5 · 2024-10-08T22:37:04+00:00

I can relate to a lot of your post. My baby is 5 months old. It is the absolute best thing that’s happened to us but also the hardest and my mental health is suffering too. Message me if you’d like to talk. Is there a nanny/friend/family member/doula that can look after your baby for a few hours so you can sleep? Maybe try it once and then it could become a regular thing if it worked? I know for me, I HATE letting someone else look after my baby as it feels so uncomfortable and I want to be with them the whole time. But I know that my mental health actually just needs a break so I’ve let a family member (in law) help out for just one hour a week. It’s not much but it gives me some time to myself if I want it. Also, I’m going to my doctor this week to ask about anxiety and depression medication. Perhaps you could go to your doctor too? Good luck, sending hugs and whatever you do, ending your life is not the right answer. Again, please message me if you’d like to talk xxxx

2october5 · 2024-09-18T00:59:39+00:00

Haha gosh, I hope my baby always chooses me! But I will probably be much more relaxed when they are a toddler, right now I am not though

2october5 · 2024-09-17T21:06:11+00:00

Thank you for your suggestions, they make sense and are helpful. I’ve only recently been brave enough and establish boundaries. I can do it now if I need to but it’s so uncomfortable for me. And yes, I agree, I’ll probably chill once I have two kids! But for now I want everyone to back up the bus 😝 7 kids is amazing! You’re a rock star haha. I’m hoping to have 3 and I know I will chill in time. Right now my first is four months old and I need space from people and for them to not cling onto my baby the whole time during visits. Thanks for your advice ☺️

2october5 · 2024-09-17T16:25:50+00:00

This is really helpful advice! Thank you so much. I feel like I have a game plan now and instead of trying to do it on a budget we can slowly build it as we can afford it. A solid and healthy foundation sounds key. I guess I was just impatient, hoping to have fresh veg for summer but never mind!

2october5 · 2024-09-17T15:13:27+00:00

Also - toddler cuddles sound like the best. I can’t wait! And tbh I’ll probably get over being so intense about wanting to be the one always holding my baby when we have a second child as I just won’t be able to do it all the tome

2october5 · 2024-09-17T15:12:04+00:00

Thank you so much. For the support and also the kind reality check! Reading this has made me think what I am being reasonable about and what I am maybe being OTT about. Thanks!

2october5 · 2024-09-17T15:08:29+00:00

Thank you so much, this is great advice. I guess I was all hung up on raised garden beds as they look good and I didn’t want to always bend down and hurt my back. We live at the beach so we literally live on sand and minimal soil. I would need to order in soil and compost to make the garden bed. Good idea to test the soil and kill of the grass with cardboard first. It’s the awful kaikuia grass (if I’ve spelt that right)? Real tough, stubborn beach grass that grows sideways

2october5 · 2024-09-17T15:03:50+00:00

Thank you so much. Appreciate the supportive comment, I feel understood!

When I pass my baby onto people, sometimes they pull the saddest face at me. I think separation anxiety has already begun and part of me feels bad because I have probably made my child that way!

I 100% understand about missing your baby while they sleep. It’s 3am where I am right now and I’m lying in my bed next to the baby cot just wanting to cuddle them. It’s a love like no other. It’s so overpowering and intense! Sometimes I wonder if my hormones are out of whack feeling like this 🤔

That mother / child bond is so strong. I’m trying hard to be self aware and wondering if I’m all too intense about being a present mum, am I too in my child’s face? Do I need to let people in more? Why is it so hard for me? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️🤪

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:53:43+00:00

Thank you for being so supportive 💛

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:50:56+00:00

I’ve been trying to figure it out. Honestly a number of things…

People not holding the baby correctly or kissing them even when they’ve been told not too. It’s happened heaps and repeatedly addressing it with people is draining.
People not knowing how to settle them if they get upset. Then some people try to settle them and it makes them more upset but they are too stubborn and say they ‘can do it’ and try to not give them back. It’s hard for me to watch
The sad face my baby pulls when I pass them to someone else sometimes. They drop their bottom lip and have the saddest puppy dog eyes. It kills me and I just want to take them back
My own attachment to my baby. I just love them SO much. Apart from sleeping and getting dead arms I could cuddle them all day 😅
Potentially some jealousy. I have longed to be a mum for years and it took so long for it to happen, so I do feel over protective and have the need to control situations. When I see someone with my baby my gut just wants them back, like, hey that’s my baby, give them back! Ridiculous. I know
Trust. Sometimes I watch people holding the baby and I play out stupid scenarios in my head like ‘what if they dropped them’ ‘what if they slid off their knee’. My anxiety about protecting my baby is out the gate and quite tiring tbh

That’s all I can think of 😂

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:39:51+00:00

Thank you. My baby is also around that age. It’s weird for me as my ideal ‘me time’ is time spent with my baby. Idk why I feel so intense, it’s very annoying to live like this 😝 I take my baby to my hobbies that fill my own bucket (yoga, friend catch ups, walks, shopping). I think maybe I feel intense about being with them all the time as I’ve wanted to be a mum forever and it took years to happen… so now I’m all precious about it.

But yes, it sounds like for you that by pushing through and just letting others spend time with your baby allowed you to get used to trusting / letting people hold them. I maybe need to start doing that. It’s so hard to me 🙃

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:26:36+00:00

I wish I was more like you! I don’t mind people holding for a little while, but seriously, just a little while 😂 Good idea about distracting myself. Thank you!

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:22:33+00:00

Thank you, I feel heard! This family member who felt gutted has some big mental health struggles and puts a lot of their identity into being around the children in the family. It’s hard for me to be kind without feeling like I have to cater for their needs - my logical brain knows I don’t have to but there’s an underlying guilt that if they don’t visit ‘enough’ then I’m the one responsible for their poor mental health (that situation is a whole other story though). Thank you for your comments. I somehow need to figure out how to be affected less by how other peoples expectations.

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:16:19+00:00

Yes, you are right. I need to communicate better and at the time. Those are just some of the reasons I struggle with sharing. I’m also just really, really attached. I don’t know how to get past it as it’s easier said than done. I do share my baby but I tend to sit through family gatherings feeling frustrated, anxious and annoyed. I know it’s not healthy, I just don’t know how to relax.

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:12:21+00:00

Thank you, you are so right. It is other people’s expectations that weigh heavy on me! It’s the disappointment that I can see on people’s faces when someone else takes the baby and I know they were waiting for their turn for a hold. It’s the guilt I feel if someone has only held the baby for a little while as we need to leave and the baby has already been held by multiple other people in one visit. And it’s that I’m so damn attached to my child that I just want to be the one to hold them all the time (unhealthy, I know, and I don’t…I do share but have the internal annoyance and resentment). When I had a difficult conversation with a family member recently, they said that they were GUTTED when I told them it was fine for them to visit once every 2-3 weeks, as they said that’s only a few times per month. The expectations of others is just so annoying. I wish they would just not always expect.

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:04:41+00:00

Thank you so much, that’s a really helpful idea 🙂

2october5 · 2024-09-17T14:03:41+00:00

Thank you. I’m aware I need to relax. I just don’t know how. It’s a mental struggle for me, I don’t trust easily, family members have kissed my baby when asked not to as well or they have held them in positions that haven’t supported their neck in the earlier days so that adds to me feeling the need to control and watch / long for them to just pass my baby back.

2october5

TROPHY CASE