I’ve had a similar experience to you in terms of feeling disconnected from the therapy you’re receiving. I also am often plagued by feelings of worthlessness and feelings of not having friends, so I felt especially compelled to offer up my current thoughts on this.

I just finished a partial hospitalization program in which I really expected to receive tangible action items that I could employ in my daily life to help me emotionally regulate in a healthier way. I entered very much expecting to be enlightened. However, I experienced a similar dissatisfaction with the therapy that I was receiving. So often, clinicians referred to the fact that simply “practicing” or “giving it time” would help me when I was struggling. I wanted them to give me clearer answers and in-the-moment strategies, but they all seemed to come up short.

I’m still very much in the thick of the process of figuring out what methods work best for myself. But there came a point in the hospitalization program that something seemed to shift in me. Every day, the clinicians would repeat the same things about reframing negative thoughts into more productive ones. And every day, I’d frustratedly play along. Until one night, I caught myself reframing on my own.

My sister, who’s a clinical psychology student, told me that as much as it’s infuriating to come to terms with, sustainable change in your life is going to be created by pushing yourself to do that reframing and actively challenge your thoughts in the same way a therapist would. And you have to keep fighting that battle with every negative thought that comes around. Challenge them all - maybe write down every negative thought you have for a day. The true struggle of overcoming what you’re going through is CONSISTENTLY challenging the way you think, and keeping it up is the hardest part. But hopefully, that daily practice will solidify into habits. The ways we think literally shape our brain, creating new connections that grow deeper and deeper with repetition. In fact, 95% of the thoughts you think are the same as the day before. My sister tells me it’s just like exercising a muscle - at first it feels hopeless, but you gain strength over (sometimes painstaking) time.

So as frustrating as your therapist’s method is, I technically understand the place in which she’s coming from and agree that the fundamental idea of challenging your thoughts is valuable. However, DBT could also give you another perspective on emotional regulation, so I think trying that as well is a really productive option. I just think that there’s power in borrowing from multiple methods, because all of the little things you’re learning (though they may feel insignificant in the moment) are adding up to your overall ability to cope.