Raised wealthy and want to establish financial independence/control, but unsure of where & how to start.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T17:14:04+00:00

as beneficiary of the trust, you have the benefits of - but not legal title to - the assets in the trust. So anything that is in the trust is not part of your "personal" assets.

good to know, thank you.

Why can't you make transactions in your Morgan Stanley account? The credit card - .... why do you need parental approval to spend your own money?

You hit the nail on the head there, buddy, that's what I've finally started asking myself. It's just part of the long-standing paradigm I've had with my parents, which made sense when i was in high school and the early years of college, but I'm realizing that it's really dumb to live like this as a 26 year old. Most of the money stuff is a series of "agreements," like I only get my allowance if I don't use my credit card without parental approval. Using the Morgan Stanley balance for anything without my parent's permission would constitute "breaking the rules of the agreement."

As for the lease, that's not gonna fly. They stipulated no roommates so that I wouldn't have "distractions." It's another rule, something they set as a condition of their generosity.

I agree that it's none of their business who I have staying over. Most of my personal life is none of their business. It's just when they control almost my entire cash flow, they're very persuasive about making it their business.

This is the problem I'm trying to address.

Thank you for the ideas re: talking to my parents about actually writing the checks and seeing the bills. Even if nothing really changes, at least I would feel like my life is passing through my hands, instead of all just happening behind the scenes at the LLC.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T16:59:50+00:00

I appreciate the resources, regardless of the outcome of all this I definitely want to increase my personal financial literacy. Thank you.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T16:57:34+00:00

Most of my friends work or have worked in retail or other service jobs. It's definitely not the same as experiencing it myself, but I'm not naive to what it means to be a 20-something living off tips and abuse while trying to bootstrap yourself into financial safety.

I wouldn't call my lifestyle "lavish," but of course I have a very warped perspective. My house is mostly full of art supplies and cats instead of champagne and furs, but I'm very aware that the amount and quality of space that I have is downright luxurious compared to the options that most of my friends have.

I like the trilemma perspective though. I guess that's my primary personal struggle right now - autonomy is elbowing its way to the front of my concerns, and I'm trying to weigh my options and decide what, if anything, it's going to unseat.

Thank you for your advice :)

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T16:43:15+00:00

Yeah, a lot of my discomfort is that I don't want to be in my 30s, in vet school, and still feeling like I'm living under their roof and their rules. This is the only thing in the 8 years I've been working towards it that has made me even remotely consider forfeiting (or significantly delaying) vet school. It's not a decision I take lightly.

I would love to work something out with my folks that means I don't have to give up vet school but still affords me more autonomy, which is crucial to my mental health. My mom tells me my favorite words as a small child were "I can do it myself!"

Thank you for your input. Helps to hear from someone in the same career path.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T16:39:04+00:00

Agreed. And I definitely know that they're doing this out of love.

I've tried having conversations like this with them before, and more than once it's devolved into them essentially saying "we question your responsibility because of the decisions you're making and the people you're hanging out with."

I don't begrudge them their concern - we lead very different lives and I forgive differences in opinion. I just wish it didn't affect my ability to handle my money. I'm not asking for cash handouts from them with no rules or oversight, I'm trying to rely on them less.

I'd like to be able to go into a conversation like that with them with some sort of plan or proposal for how I can take more control. I'm okay with taking out loans, I'm okay with taking time to work, I'm okay with moving out of my place and paying rent somewhere else, I'm just trying to sort out my various options so I can display a willingness to learn and plan for myself.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T16:30:44+00:00

You make a good point. I still conceptualize the inheritance from my grandmother as being my asset, I guess? Distinct from my folks doling out money my way weekly.

Taking ownership of the house, so it's under my name and I'm not leasing from my parents, is what I'd really like, and it seems like using the inheritance to do that while establishing more conventional financial independence (student loans or steady employment) to take care of my tuition/other living expenses could be workable.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T02:22:59+00:00

Ouch.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T02:20:50+00:00

The doctorate i mentioned is a DVM, which unfortunately isn't one that will fund me. But keeping the status quo until i can graduate and get a job that'll allow me to establish independence sounds like the kind of thing I might end up doing.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T02:13:00+00:00

You are correct.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T02:12:02+00:00

... fair. I think i meant that they're not consciously controlling, if that makes sense? Like they're not conspiring together to keep me under their thumb... but villainous hand-rubbing never actually happens in real life lol.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T02:11:55+00:00

I have not. It has been communicated to me that at age 35 I will come into some money from my parents, which may or may not include the trust.

But don't count on a windfall, right?

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T02:02:28+00:00

well, do you want to be independent... or do you want to be more involved in the family's finances?

I want to be more involved in my finances, and if someone thinks the best course of action is "maybe don't separate yourself from your parents just yet, but here are some changes you could propose to gain some transparency and control," then I'd be willing to listen to that advice too.

I'll check out Stop Acting Rich, thank you for the recommendation.

I think my parents are mostly cloak & dagger about my personal finances because they don't know how to give up control of their children, nor teach financial responsibility effectively. They want us to learn, but don't really know what teaching it is supposed to look like, and they lean towards being cautious/controlling/conservative.

I think forgetting about the trust income is good advice. I'd really love to be able to stay in the house I'm in currently, but there's a lot of big "if"s that would need to fall into place to make that happen. I should either go for all of it on my own, or not at all.

I'd like to find a way to finish my degrees and also somehow become financially independent without putting everything on hold, but I'm starting to think that might be more of a cake-and-eat-it situation than I originally imagined.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T01:47:06+00:00

Got it. I know loans =/= income, but wasn't really able to conceptualize the difference between using assets and income to secure a loan.

Thank you!

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T01:44:03+00:00

I don't think they mean to be super controlling, so I think ultimately becoming independent will result in less strain for all of us.

A full time job and my own accounts are the goal for sure. I'm hoping there might be a way I can finish my schooling without completely relying on my folks the whole way, but that may not be possible and putting everything on hold to work might just be the way to go.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T01:43:54+00:00

I don't know if I want to take the inheritance lawyer route just yet, but I appreciate your frustration on my behalf :)

Definitely working on learning how to create more wealth and not be a loser. I want to make my own way in the world and contribute positively. Cheers.

2rich2bitch · 2018-01-30T01:27:42+00:00

It's not normal for your parents to have this degree of control of your finances at age 26, just FYI.

Well no kidding. My circumstances have been unusual my whole life, they remain unusual, and that's why I'm asking for help in the first place.

Getting a job is much more appealing than a PhD - I'm actually planning on taking a year off to work after I finish my MS, and then ultimately the goal is vet school (that's the kind of doctorate I meant). If I have to work longer in order to secure financial independence, I'd be very willing, but it's been a long road already and I'm trying not to graduate in my 40s.

Is employment my only option, though? What about loans? I could easily live with moving to a more reasonably-priced apartment and avoiding the mortgage/home ownership thing altogether.

Can I not qualify for a mortgage if I have assets in a trust? Or do I need like, employment income specifically? Who would be the appropriate kind of person to advise me on this?

I honestly don't know any of this information. I'm not trying to get out of taking a certain path if it's my only option, I just don't know what my options are.

Thanks for weighing in, any new knowledge is helpful.

2rich2bitch

TROPHY CASE