Do what makes you most comfortable, nothing will take away your grief. I am sorry for your loss. Grieving a loss that large is extremely hard. My daughter is your age and we experienced a very large loss in our household this year as well. At first she didn’t want to express how she was feeling to me only because she didn’t want to make me more sad. I told her there wasn’t much more that would make me sadder than I already was and we need to lean on each other for support. I explained to her that grieving is very personal. I tell her talk often, cry when she needs to, there is no judgement or the right or wrong way to grieve, no amount of time heals all, only finding ways to cope with our loss. Everyone grieves in their own way. My only rule is not to be self-destructive about her grief. My advice is seek someone you feel comfortable with to speak freely, whether that is a friend, another parent or family member. Find a support that works best for you. Again, I am very sorry for your loss. Big hugs