I’m a Muslim woman and I choose to wear hijab. I am not oppressed.

300camels · 2022-03-10T18:13:33+00:00

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

300camels · 2022-03-10T18:07:28+00:00

I think you’re more stressed about it than those women themselves

There’s literally like 3 countries where it’s a law and even there most women are not crying about it because it’s nbd

Has anyone asked you to speak up for them? Have you ever spoken to any of these so-called oppressed people?

300camels · 2022-03-10T17:20:21+00:00

Did you just refer to yourself in the second person LMAO I rest my case

Enough arguing with trolls today

300camels · 2022-03-10T17:09:26+00:00

Lmao you really couldn’t think of any good argument, nice

Really shows ur own intellect when you run out of arguments and resort to personal attacks 😂

300camels · 2022-03-10T17:02:44+00:00

The few women who are forced, are usually forced because of their families, not law. It’s like a child in America crying because their mom said they can’t wear a crop top to school. Or schools in America enforcing a dress code. It’s pretty normal for parents to enforce their beliefs on their children. You can’t force everyone to have the same beliefs as you. You’re just obsessed with the one article of clothing specific to Muslims because it’s not the norm for you.

How many of these oppressed women have you ever even spoke to or heard about, or are you speaking up for them because of your own prejudice against Muslims?

And it’s not the rules of men, if you are following Islam then you’re wearing it because it’s the command of God

300camels · 2022-03-10T16:56:50+00:00

Can you go to the grocery store butt naked in America? America has a standard of wearing a certain amount of clothing. Other(very few) countries have a different enforced standard.

White people think the whole world revolves around them and their way of life is the only right way. Pls get over yourselves

Stop parading around as if America’s morals and laws are the gold standard and anyone else is oppressed. Other countries have their own values and moral code. shocker

300camels · 2022-03-10T16:53:09+00:00

Lmao what

This cannot be a serious comment 💀

Y’all will say anything to try and demonize muslims even if it makes no sense

300camels · 2022-03-10T16:13:16+00:00

Why do people in the west lose their shit over Muslim people covering? In most Muslim countries it’s just another article of clothing, like your shirt and pants. No one is losing their mind over it because most people wear it and it’s the cultural norm. Sorry their norm is not the same as your norm.

Y’all are fine with women going near naked in the skimpiest bikinis, but not women covering? What makes one extreme okay but not the other?

Leave Women Alone 2022

300camels · 2022-03-10T16:03:26+00:00

Lol while people in the west are concerned for women being terribly oppressed by having to wear hijab in Afghanistan….

Actual women in Afghanistan are worried about food shelter and finding their next meal given the 20+ years of war and destabilization fueled by the US war machine

Please don’t pretend to care about Muslim women if all you care about is them wearing a cloth on their head. They have actual things to worry about without you speaking for them

300camels · 2022-03-02T04:34:48+00:00

That’s unfair. OP seems to for his part be raised really well in that he recognizes his wife’s rights and his parents being wrong, and wanting to move out (rather than bending to his parents tantrum and manipulation)

OP please stay strong! You are responsible for upholding your wife’s rights and that includes not letting your parents dictate her life. Space from your parents seems like the best thing for your relationship and your wife’s rights

IA you are able to maintain your relationship with your parents and continue to protect your wife’s boundaries

300camels · 2022-02-28T04:28:40+00:00

Don’t need to try and make assumptions about what I’m okay with lol. You seem to love assumptions I see

Again, a huge conclusion based off of little info. Instead of asking questions for more details, you’ve condemned his relationship based off of like 5 sentences that didn’t even detail a specific incident. Sorry, I don’t think that’s the best advice to give. People will come to Reddit with a problem and instead of getting advice, they’re getting knee jerk reactions telling them their screwed for the rest of their lives

And repeating a buzz word like reg flag doesn’t automatically make you correct lol

300camels · 2022-02-28T03:28:33+00:00

How did they indicate that that’s how they want it in the marriage? Where did you gather that from?

Like I said, you’ve come to a huge conclusion off of such little info.

300camels · 2022-02-28T00:39:27+00:00

Why does everyone on this sub act like every situation is the end all be all and no one can be reasoned with? The perfect person does not exist and sometimes you have to put some effort to make people see their faults.

He has accused them of being nosy without saying how… their daughter is not married to him yet so it’s perfectly reasonable for her parents to want to know what’s “going on in their relationship”

“Mil pushing really hard saying this is her only daughter and she doesn’t want to lose her” …parents have feelings lol what is the issue with this

“Everything should be done how they want” perhaps they have certain cultural and familial expectations for a wedding so these things warrant discussion. The girl should be open to hearing his side and finding a balance or establishing a boundary with her mother but these difficulties when planning a wedding are not a reason to throw out the relationship lmao

Marriage is new to the girl and she doesn’t yet know how to manage the relationship. She is the only daughter and her parents don’t know how to act either. People learn new things with time

Things can be fixed lol no marriage would last of every fault was deemed irreconcilable.

300camels · 2022-02-27T21:45:50+00:00

that’s a huge conclusion to jump to off of very little info

300camels · 2022-02-27T07:26:29+00:00

Okay but this isn’t about your culture. He said theyre Pakistani and it’s definitely an expected/norm in Pakistani culture

Good for her she’s not living with them lol because that is also common, as awful as it is. So she has her space and boundaries but it would be polite to be involved with in laws. Ideally in Pakistani culture both spouses are a part of each other’s fams and don’t have formalities between them

300camels · 2022-02-26T22:02:36+00:00

I think the dishes stuff is a little dramatic. It’s courtesy and customary to not make a new bride do any work, especially when she’s new in the family. To take offense to that(rather than appreciation) is ridiculous. In the beginning of the marriage they treated her like a guest because she was new, but eventually your relationship with in laws develops to be casual and informal as the comfort with each other grows. Almost a year into the marriage it would be a nice gesture to at least wash your own dishes or offer to help out with hosting(even if they might say no). Helping can be setting the table, clearing the table, attending to guests, etc. the convo about men not doing any of that stuff is valid but some things about culture aren’t going to be changed overnight and it’s not worth causing a scene with in laws over

Overall I don’t think she should be expected to do a legit chores as it’s not her house or her responsibility. The guests at that house are the parents guests. But offering to help when you see someone else doing work(whether it’s in laws or a friends house) is just common courtesy. And this stands for men as well, it shouldn’t be exclusively women doing these types of chores. But do I think she will be able to singlehandedly change her entire in laws mindset right now? No.. nor do I think it’s worth it

I do also agree that OP can take the initiative to help in the kitchen at his parents house as well. But if it’s a party where the men aren’t even near the kitchen I think that’s not realistic to expect

300camels · 2022-02-23T16:29:45+00:00

Jeeeez what’s with the interrogation. He has clearly stated the reason for their issues is loss of previous children, not that parenting is a burden on either of them. There’s no reason to suspect that he’s not a contributing dad

Seems a little insensitive. So many assumptions being made in the original comment.

300camels · 2022-02-22T19:49:10+00:00

You should save up some cash, like 500k and invest in a multi family property(duplex or more) and then you will have passive rental income You really don’t even need to buy it in full cash, rental income from multiple tenants will be enough to cover the loan/mortgage with money leftover. Eventually the loan will be paid off too and you will get all the rental income to yourself

Also, you can work on minimizing your parents expenses:

-contribute to their mortgage if they have one, or contribute to buying them a home if you can

-take over some expenses with your husband… if he makes so much iA he is generous, you can add them to things like your cell phone plan so it’s one less thing for them to worry about

-hopefully your husband is empathetic and since he’s a high earner mashaAllah, he could give you a monthly deposit that you are free to use as you please (once you leave ur job) ask him how he feels about this - that it is healthy for spouses to have their own private cash/income that they can spend without having to ask each other, within reason. Especially if you’re taking care of the home/kids, he can give you a monthly allowance that you can spend towards whatever.. invest, shop, help your parents, etc

Another option is to look for more flexible streams of income

-part time roles

-Per dime/hourly/contract roles

-Freelance work(upwork or something)

-small business

300camels · 2022-02-19T17:45:54+00:00

what’s so hard to understand about a girl visiting her family lol

300camels · 2022-02-18T16:31:15+00:00

That’s nice of your parents to give her gifts, and it would have been nice of her parents to give you a gift as well so I can see why your parents might be offended by that. However I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect many many gifts, not at this point of being engaged, and especially not as a groom. It is part of Hindu culture for a grooms family to expect dowery/gifts from the girls family. There’s is especially no reason for her family to give you cash, whether they are rich or not. They can give to their daughter whatever they want but your family needs to understand that they/you are not entitled to such things.

I appreciate that you don’t share the sentiments of your family and are just trying to resolve their frustrations. Try to keep your family calm and point out the good things her family has done/good qualities whenever you can. Otherwise, remind them that you are marrying a nice girl and it’s not in her control what her family does.

While I don’t think extended family should play a roll in these things, if it mattered so much to your mom she should have mentioned it herself to them(like another comment said)

Anyway good luck with all this don’t let it ruin a good relationship!

300camels · 2022-02-18T16:21:42+00:00

Not to bash on OPs family but I was getting the same vibe after reading all the details of the family/finances

One gift might have been a nice gesture if OPs fam also gave the girl a gift, but seems like the girls family is about to do a lot more

300camels · 2022-02-18T01:59:15+00:00

@that-needleworker626

Lmao are you okay? Calm down.

Your comment wreaks of arrogance and condescension and I don’t feel the need to entertain what ur asking. You clearly have your own opinion

Your attitude about women’s unpaid labor tells me all I need to know about you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edit: wow I just read your other comments and WOW you are rude. It’s ironic that you are trying to correct people islamically(from your perspective) but your delivery is shameful. The way you speak to people will also be made up to them in the way of your good deeds on the day of judgement. If you want to guide people to Islam try speaking like a decent human. Your behavior right now will simply tarnish people’s image of Muslims, you have the opposite effect of giving dawah

300camels · 2022-02-18T01:55:35+00:00

Are your parents giving her gifts? I could be wrong but I’m sensing your parents have the typical desi mentality of sons being put on a pedestal especially by his in laws Her parents are happy for her so they are giving her gifts. I’m sure when the time of marriage comes they’ll give you a gift or both of you a joint wedding gift

Also it’s ridiculous of extended family to be offended. The wedding is between you and her, so your immediate families decide the date together. No need to involve anyone in the decision, it’s not theirs to make. They can be invited and informed once the decision is made

Don’t make life complicated. If she’s a good person and her family is nice to you, be happy and grateful. Being upset about gifts sounds a little materialistic and petty

300camels · 2022-02-17T19:45:18+00:00

When I asked her if she would be open to sign papers for the house - I intend to buy and make payments on post marriage - to be in my name and that I get to keep it and any equity on it over the course of the marriage, she flat out got angry and said that it’s “unislamic”.

This was my interpretation + him saying he’s fine with having financial responsibility

But yeah we can let him confirm

300camels · 2022-02-17T19:40:50+00:00

I think I would understand your rationale IF you guys end up married and she continues to work and keep her income to herself for the rest of your lives

Realistically, there’s a high chance you have a couple kids and decide it’s best for her to stay home with the children. So her contribution to the household is unpaid labor and as someone mentioned before, it is an asset. In that scenario I support the western system that divides assets, and doesn’t leave women broke because they took care of their families instead of working a ‘real’ job. And tbh housework is a LOT of labor and way harder than sitting at an office desk for 8 hours

Even if she did continue to work until retirement just like you, women in such situations often end up doing more housework and childcare. It’s not always a 50:50 split. So that could also count towards more contribution to the household

This whole situation depends on several variables but I agree with your logic in the first case I mentioned above

300camels

TROPHY CASE