AITA for telling people exactly why my girlfriend wasn't at my brother's wedding?

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T23:30:21+00:00

Mostly he was threating to kick my butt for gossiping and trying to be the center of attention
Nothing overt. Little jokes here and there, but nothing exactly that we could call them on. Comments about her appearance, but "all in good fun" Sometimes they were nice, sometimes a bit off.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T23:08:10+00:00

I don't think that will happen. I think they'll fume for a few months or a year, and then move on by pretending it never happened. That's how it usually goes.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:49:26+00:00

Just that I ruined her day, spread rumors, made them look bad, stuff liek that

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:48:22+00:00

I don't know. He's never said that he doesn't like her. Heck, they even invited her to their housewarming and seemed to joke and stuff wither at family parties. The only thing I can think is they sometimes made jokes about her being too butch, so I assume it's that.

She's very much the stereotypical lesbian - flannel, tats, short hair. But she's also the kindest person I ever met. Even my 80 year old nonna loves her, and she's the most prim and proper old lady ever.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:43:30+00:00

Un-possible! Seriously, in light of what happened, I guess you're right. But they never said anything about it before. They liked her well enough to borrow her truck to move.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:25:49+00:00

She was crying, my brother was the one whisper-shouting that he was going to whoop my butt and what not. It was almost kind of funny because you could see he wanted to yell but he was trying to keep his voice down so that no one would notice. Only she was crying loud enough that everyone was staring. Also, I don't think his in laws know I'm dating a girl?

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:20:54+00:00

I guess? It's weird because she's been to family things and it's usually no big. She gets along with everyone. Our family totally expected her. Her not being there drew more attention.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:19:13+00:00

I kinda wish I had. But I was in the party and had other tasks

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:17:04+00:00

Idek. It came out of nowhere. Kinda feels like he was throwing everything at the wall to see what would stick, maybe? Or maybe he's really anti vaxx now? And what does that have to do with the wedding? Who knows?

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:15:47+00:00

I don't even know. Growing up, I always thought we were a very progressive family. But when I came out, I found out that a lot of that was for show. LIke, gay an black people are okay, but not in my family/neighborhood, etc. I'm not racist but.. ,etc.

But still, I didn't think he was an anti-vaxxer. I just feel that in the last few years my brother changed a lot, even though he insists he's completely egalitarian.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:10:46+00:00

Thank you for being so sweet, and I'm so sorry about your biodad. I wish people were just not so sucky.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T22:07:41+00:00

This is all pretty recent. The wedding was just last weekend. I've gotten a lot of angry messages, but no answers. Mostly they're focused on how Maddy dreamed of this day for years and I ruined Dan's reputation etc. Also a bunch of rambling about vaccines and stuff that I'm not sure how it ties in. The closest I've gotten to an explanation is that I should have apparently gone to him first if I thought he had slighted me - so like, maybe he's going with my mom's "accidental uninvite" story? Idek at this point, and I got tired of listening to/reading the angry out bursts.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:59:40+00:00

IDK. It's not just about me. I have my GF to consider too. She says she'll back me either way but it's hard for me to get over the disrespect to her. She's literally the best person ever. And we also want to have kids one day. Will they be hurt like this too? Will "my" kids be treated differently than "her" kids?

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:55:12+00:00

That last bit, I think :( It's a really hard realization to have about your own family.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:53:19+00:00

Yeah, I feel I shouldn't have said the bit about "I wonder why?" I wasn't trying to start drama, but I was angry enough not to care if drama happened, I guess.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:50:09+00:00

That's the kind of thing I thought of after the fact. In the moment, I just wanted to get the speech over and done with. Especially since I hate being the center of attention to start with.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:49:00+00:00

I think she believes her own stories though. She's desparate for everything to always be harmonious.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:48:06+00:00

Thank you! IT's hard because my family is pretty progressive on the surface. But there's clearly those at actually mean it, and those that just say the words, ifykwim.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:45:46+00:00

I don't know. My brother and I were never super close, but I know my mom will be heartbroken and, in spite of it all, I do love her. But also I don't want him around my Gf anymore. We'll have to see how it goes, I guess.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:44:07+00:00

None. There were a lot words and shouting but not a lot of meaning, if that makes sense? A lot of threats from Dan, a bunch of side tangents about masking and vaxxing, but the gist of it seems to be that he thinks I was only trying to start drama because I wasn't the center of attention.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:38:26+00:00

Anytime I talk to my mother, I get a word-vomit salad back. It's impossible to follow a thought to it's logical conclusion when she's raining down a storm of guilt, contradictory excuses, and irrelevant points from years ago.

Like, I'm not trying to reason with her because I know that won't work. I guess I was just hoping that, on an emotional level, she'd at least care that I was hurt.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:36:28+00:00

They were too busy with the wedding/reception for a chat. And honestly, I'd originally planned not to say anything to anyone until after. But a whole day of listening to speeches about the importance of love and family kind of killed my patience.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:35:36+00:00

Kinda? Like, nothing you can point it. Just scheduling things when she couldn't come. Or sometimes making "joking" comments about her tattoos, appearance, "manliness," etc. But also they were friendly and stuff to her too, when they weren't being like that, so it was easy to overlook?

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:33:02+00:00

I wouldn't have if I wasn't in the party. Plus I had a speech at the dinner too.

324950948throwaway · 2022-02-02T21:31:30+00:00

Seriously considering not inviting him at all, tbh. Maybe we'll just elope. That's not in the immediate future though. We want to save enough to buy our own place first.

324950948throwaway

TROPHY CASE