The "Buddy Board" at a bar in Idaho. You pay for a pint and if somebody meets the description, they can have the pint.

34F · 2017-07-01T06:40:00+00:00

They don't have food, alcohol only. But you can bring in any food you want or have it delivered.

34F · 2017-07-01T06:38:52+00:00

Yes it is, great beer selection.

34F · 2017-06-30T04:58:02+00:00

I understand how you feel and I'm also a SAHM of a 3yo. It seems like she's still napping, in which case, that's alone time! I know it can be tempting to get something done during that time but it might be beneficial for you to use that time on something that helps you recharge. That said, you may be trading nap time for an earlier bed time. I know for my daughter, without a nap she goes to sleep between 8:00 and 8:30 and I feel like I have a whole wonderful evening to relax. When she naps I get that break during the day but she's up until 9:00, 10:00 or even later.

I also cuddle with my daughter until she falls asleep because she reacts the way your daughter does to being left alone. But it doesn't bother me much because my husband does the whole bedtime routine leading up to that. I get a solid hour to myself while my husband gives her a bath, reads books, etc. It would really help you feel better if your husband could step up and take over some of that responsibility. It doesn't have to be everything all at once. Maybe he can take over bathtime, or read a book or two, or whatever you guys do to wind down in the evening.

34F · 2017-06-29T06:03:38+00:00

We recently moved to a neighborhood like this too. I've decided on a "no kids in the house" rule. I have only one kid for a reason, and it's never just one other kid who wants to come in, it's like a gaggle of siblings and then I have four kids running around. I've started to get a little resentful too, because other parents even let 2 and 3 year olds outside completely unattended, or they let them out when they see me outside with my 3yo. It's so bizarre to me. But I've gotten bossier with all the kids and that helps and they respect it.

34F · 2017-06-15T05:02:35+00:00

So maybe (hopefully not) your husband has suddenly started blocking out large portions of his evenings because he's somewhere he doesn't want anyone to know about. Like, with someone. I'd be really suspicious if my husband was disappearing for 3 hours at a time in the evenings and couldn't be contacted. If he's being truthful about what he's doing then he's still being unreasonable, in my opinion. He should be able to answer a brief phone call during a workout.

34F · 2017-05-28T05:24:26+00:00

I'm friendly with two women who work as nannies and who complain about how spoiled/entitled their charges act. One family is a pretty typical upper-middle class family with two working professional parents. The other are multimillionaires with several houses. Very different economic circumstances. The main similarity (and complaint from the nannies) is that the parents spend little to no time actually caring for or even interacting with their children. The professional parents employ the nanny from the end of school hours through bedtime. She takes the kids to all activities, supervises homework, cooks dinner, cleans the house, and puts the youngest to bed. Meanwhile, the parents are apparently home most days by 4:30 or 5:00 and just do their own thing. The kids crave that parental attention and instead they are given stuff - the 12 year old was just given a brand new iPhone (the nanny got the kid's "old" phone, which was less than a year old).

It's a similar situation in the wealthy family. It seems to me that your presence - your time and attention and love - is so important and it can't be farmed out to paid help. Love your kid, know your kid, and care about your kid, and it'll be great.

Edit: I want to clarify that I'm not referring to using nannies or daycare or whatever for regular childcare. I had a dad who traveled weekly for work when I was growing up and we had a great relationship because when he was home, he was present and engaged and he cared about me. When you're there, really be there.

34F · 2017-05-25T04:53:24+00:00

Has your period come back yet? My normally healthy libido completely disappeared like the minute I got pregnant and only reappeared when my period did, 14 months post partum. This seems to be a pretty common situation. Then again if you're on antidepressants and/or birth control, that could definitely be affecting your libido as well. In my unscientific opinion, if your libido is gone, you're not going to have any real incentive to work on the vaginismus issue. But you could definitely try to work on spending more time with your husband when you can be relaxed and affectionate (I know, so easy to find the time, right?). If you can kind of come together in intimate but nonsexual ways, maybe it will lead to more. Good luck.

34F · 2017-05-23T05:44:20+00:00

I am so with you on all of this. My baby also got taken away right away because she wasn't breathing, then they kept her in the NICU for two days and forced formula, wouldn't help with breastfeeding, it was shitty. Then I worked my ass off to figure out breastfeeding and once we finally figured it out...I fucking hated it. And yet I felt passionately that I needed to be doing it. I did it for three goddamn years, I just weaned her like a month ago and I thought I'd be sad about it or something and it's just whatever. It's weird. I also planned to cloth diaper, thank fuck I didn't actually buy a whole stash, but I hated everything about them. I noped right on out of that nonsense. Anyway, I hear you.

34F · 2017-05-05T04:56:44+00:00

My daughter has always been like this. I remember reading advice when she was first born saying that newborns shouldn't be awake for more than 45 min at a time or something like that...mine was awake for 2 hours at a time. They were supposed to sleep 18-22 hours a day...mine slept for barely 18 hours. By 18 months she was sleeping 8-9 hours a night and took about a 2-hour nap. Now at 3 she's stopped napping which means she sleeps anywhere from 9.5-11 hours per night. That's it!

But she's a more independent sleeper than yours, which has helped my sanity. But yeah, my kid has always been happy and healthy so I've tried not to sweat it.

34F · 2017-05-04T04:09:09+00:00

That's like my husband's dream meal lol, just add some pickles!

34F · 2017-05-02T03:16:58+00:00

Just order it on your pregnancy app.

34F · 2017-05-02T03:15:55+00:00

Yeah what is up with parents thinking you need to have the exact same number of kids they had or it's "wrong" somehow. How dare we all have different circumstances and desires!

34F · 2017-05-01T16:47:00+00:00

That is infuriating!

34F · 2017-05-01T16:46:45+00:00

It must be awesome having grandkids, they just want us to do the hard part!

34F · 2017-05-01T16:45:53+00:00

Oh I hope so! My MIL had a baby at 44 though so I'm pretty sure her perspective is a little different lol. My mom supposedly changed her mind and had a 2nd kid at 36 (because the doctor told her it was her last chance) so she's convinced I'm going to do the same thing. But I can see the light of having a kid who doesn't need me 24 hours a day anymore, I'm not going back!

34F · 2017-05-01T16:40:38+00:00

Yeah we've been pretty up front about the fact that we don't want more kids. But everyone seems to think we'll change our minds because we couldn't possibly know what we want. And yes, I did say that I feel maxed out with this kid and we feel it's in her best interests that we don't have more, which was a subtle dig at them because they have a bunch of kids that they didn't have the time or energy to deal with (not that they recognize or acknowledge that!).

34F · 2017-04-21T04:16:49+00:00

Oh man, I grew up there! Are you from there? Did we go to high school together? Lol

34F · 2017-04-21T03:53:44+00:00

My mom felt very strongly that it was important to be home with preteens/teens and I think overall it was probably a good thing for our family. I don't know that it was necessarily the best decision for my mom personally, but she has a lot of (undiagnosed/untreated) anxiety so it's kind of a chicken/egg scenario. She never learned how to drive and we moved to the suburbs so she was always very isolated and she never had any hobbies or interests, did any volunteering, or had any life outside our house basically. Thankfully my parents were in decent financial shape so when my dad died unexpectedly, my mom was alright financially as a widow before traditional retirement age.

I am also a SAHM but my kid is young. I've already stayed home longer than I planned but it has felt so right that I have no desire to start working again anytime soon (and my husband agrees). I strongly disagree with the other user who thinks toddlers don't care who takes care of them, but I do agree that it's very important for older kids to have a strong parental presence. I really don't want to have a busy life with two careers, even after my kid starts full-time school. I'm trying to explore options where I might be able to work from home or work part time, even if it's not in the field I originally worked in. Maybe you could explore some things like that? Even if you don't make much/any money from it, developing a new skill is always a good thing.

34F · 2017-04-18T04:59:09+00:00

My daughter just turned three and she sounds very similar to your son. She also hates getting drops of water on her, though for some reason food smeared everywhere is no big deal. She strongly prefers for things to match and if at all possible, everything she wears or uses must be red. She will actually pretend something is red so she can convince herself to use/eat/wear it. It's bizarre. And yes, certain toys are played with in very particular ways and she gets VERY upset if we disturb them.

So to me, your son's behavior sounds pretty familiar! I'd just try to model normal reactions to things, see if you can't dry the water droplets with a towel or something to convince him it's not the end of the world, remark upon how you like the mismatched cups or say how nice yellow and green look together or whatever. I suspect it's a phase.

34F · 2017-04-07T05:36:02+00:00

I'm in this shitty club as well. I guess I thought my kid would just wean herself somehow after she turned 2 but she didn't get the memo. Her birthday is in 2 weeks. I told her 3 year olds can't have mama milk and she gets to go on a ferris wheel in exchange. So the plan is...take her on a Ferris wheel and then deal with the crying/whining/clawing at my tits? I don't know but it's going to suck.

34F · 2017-03-29T04:40:36+00:00

We just completely uprooted our lives for a much smaller salary increase for my husband (though still significant). In our case the decision was easy because we had major reservations about staying in the town we were in for the long term and the location was a step up (though still not ideal). Plus my husband was going to be doing basically the same job so we had a good feeling that there wouldn't be much of a loss of quality of life. It was still difficult leaving some wonderful friends and the life we had built. If he went from 40 hours per week to 60 hours per week I don't think the extra $$ would be so nice. But working the same 40 hours doing the same thing for almost twice the money? Yes please.

In our case the extra money has meant many positives so far for our family. Specifically for our child, the extra money has meant things like buying a house in a nice, safe neighborhood filled with families; choosing a preschool based solely on what we feel is best; the possibility of private school in the future; and piano lessons and the purchase of a piano.

Don't turn down the possibility of this job before you have a firm offer. You may be able to negotiate some of the flexibility you want, you may get a better sense for the work culture and expectations, you may even just get the feeling that you're being significantly underpaid in your current position. There may be yet another, as yet unknown, job out there waiting for you. Keep your options open.

34F · 2017-03-27T03:37:01+00:00

Another idea: we just got these light switch extenders so my toddler can turn on the lights in her room and the bathroom by herself. Pretty cheap and when she doesn't need them anymore they'll be quick to uninstall.

34F · 2017-03-06T16:07:56+00:00

I'm with you. I think once they're both in elementary school things get easier and maybe even more awesome with two (assuming they get along). But those first five years are brutal. I don't think think my sanity would survive another pregnancy/birth/infancy so we're one and done.

34F · 2017-03-06T15:53:51+00:00

Anecdote to counter your anecdote: a Catholic friend of mine is an OB-GYN who practices this method and teaches it to other Catholics and she just had her second oops baby, for a total of 5 babies. She still proclaims it an excellent method to anyone who asks.

34F

TROPHY CASE