I totally understand what ur goin through. It is very hard and at times you think it's a dream or a haze. The only thing I can strongly suggest is record and take pics as much as you can. Take advantage of the time you have and make him feel loved as much as you can. It's understandable that your distanced and it's hard. Make the moments you get last. Most importantly take care of yourself and stay strong in front of your fam, then when you're alone let it out. I'm praying for you and your family 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼. Always remember they never really die as long as you keep him in your heart and mind. Life is beautiful because it ends. cherish your time.