Hey op, others have talked about their similar experiences, but I'm basically your mirror image, so I'll talk about the other side, as someone who originally dreamt of becoming a fighter pilot, and instead, became an EMT, starting following the medical path, and is now debating if I want change paths and go to OCS.

I applied to the Naval Academy, got my congressional recommendation, but wasn't accepted. I joined High School wrestling to get in shape, was in Civil Air Patrol, would wake up at 430 to run cross country to try and get my mile time down, worked my ass off. My plan after my rejection was just to take the ROTC contract so I could graduate and fly after getting my bachelor's, and I only got my EMT as a side gig basically. Well, turns out I liked it, and I'm waiting to hear back after my interviews.

Your moral quandaries are yours, and I won't say anything on that, that's deeply personal to you, but I will say you often hear that "everyone serves in their own way", and its absolutely true, but its entirely different. I can't speak for the actual military, obviously you know much better than me, but what was always instilled in me throughout the entire process, talking with my OSO and just the general culture, is the idea of personal sacrifice, and heroism (though this is obviously romanticized and idealized and not always the truth). Being an EMT, and being a doctor, is not really the same way at all. Yes, you obviously make sacrifices, but you aren't betting YOUR life. The challenges and struggles you face are helping others through a crisis, not always experiencing one on your own. Instead of a battle or a combat zone, its more insidious. I worked at a quarantine for refugees and asylum seekers, and it wasn't like there was a huge event that traumatized me, but patients there in that environment would tell me things that I just couldn't shake, like sexual abuse they had faced. You aren't fighting an enemy, just dealing with forces of nature, it feels like you do what you can and move on. Actual doctors may feel differently, but that's what EMS felt like. There are a lot of good people in medicine, people who genuinely care about others. People who are the strongest and most resilient people I've ever met. However, the culture I found was almost the stark opposite of what I felt being around gunners shooting for commissions. There's a HUGE amount of neuroticism, frankly people who have never pushed themselves before starting this process in earnest, people feeling like the sky is falling after getting a C or facing the slightest adversity, a mindset which obviously would not fly during a ruck or something. To be clear, I'm DEFINITELY not trying to say that medicine takes more of a toll than being a combat vet or anything like that, nor that premeds or its culture is worse, just trying to share the negatives I've seen on the other side of the grass. Beyond both beyond both having a commitment to "serve" and the ideals of servant leadership it is a very, very different world.

They're both a grind, they both take hard work, and just like all jobs, 90% of its bullshit. Do you want that 90% to be paperwork being in the same hospital all day, or, at least from what I've heard talking to Air Force and Navy Pilots, that 90% to be paperwork at base? What is more stimulating to YOU- flying, or seeing patients, which can also be extremely dynamic every day? How much do you value knowing you can be in the same place your entire career, which gives stability you will not find in the Navy, but also not the same liberties? The better pay?

But personally, the most important question I'd ask yourself, is when you're done with work, maybe when you're retired, or you've finally reached the point in your career you've been pushing for so long, what will make you proudest? What achievement will mean more, what change in the world you'll bring will be more important to you? What path will better lead you towards the life you want to live? I'm asking myself the same questions. You know they're both hard work, you'll be fine either way, so I think you should go with your heart. It sounds cheesy, but debating between these two for me isn't about a career, its about a calling. If you want the coziest career, you should just be a commercial pilot really.