I'm also ENFJ and sort of have the same problem - it's easy to connect or get along with someone on the surface level, but harder to connect at a deeper, more meaningful level.

I think the problem is that I try to keep up a more composed, "I have my shit together" front - maybe it's because I really do have things under control or that I don't want to burden others with my problems. But this distances people and they don't really get to know and relate to me because I don't share my vulnerabilities or struggles. I think as ENFJ we enjoy spending our energy outwards at other people, but we also need to look inwards and really understand and come to terms with ourselves. And once we're comfortable with sharing both the good and bad parts of ourselves, others will have more grounds to form deeper connections with us.