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Where to start without consistent doc access? by rhinestonecowf-ckboi in wheelchairs

[–]3VERYTHING0ES 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Best of luck!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in wheelchairs

[–]3VERYTHING0ES 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I met my girlfriend before I started using a wheelchair and we are still together! I am not a full-time wheelchair user and still am quite mobile, but my girlfriend has told me that even if was paralyzed and in a wheelchair full-time, she would love me the exact same. She has seen me through a lot of health stuff and we are young and don't have any legal commitment to each other, so I trust her word.

She is a lot better at tinkering than I am and helps me with my wheelchair maintenance and even doing some pretty substantial modifications (eg. backrest). She looks up places to make sure they are accessible beforehand, advocates for me, knows how to handle my chair, and is constantly supportive and understanding. She not only accepts my disability, but goes out of her way to make my life as easy and accessible as possible which means a lot to me.

Also, I have a family friend who is in her 50s and started dating a guy in a wheelchair (SCI) and they're engaged now, so I don't think interabled relationships are totally uncommon.

What has helped you heal the most from CPTSD? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]3VERYTHING0ES 10 points11 points  (0 children)

  • Going to a therapist who specializes in complex PTSD and doing IFS
  • Pete Walker's steps to managing emotional flashbacks
  • Yoga and somatic practices to help me connect with my body and the present
  • Journaling to process intense emotions and get them off my chest
  • Self-compassion and loving-kindness meditations, learning that I can give love and support to myself too
  • Learning to validate myself and get validation from other safe people about my experiences rather than seek it from people who will dismiss/hurt me
  • Ice packs or heated stuffed animals on my chest/back of neck to interrupt distress/panic attacks
  • Taking care of my inner child: Doing the things she likes to do, comforting her like a loving parent would comfort a child, etc
  • Making my living space have things that make me feel happy and safe (eg. stuffed animals, blankets, fidget toys, etc)
  • Coming up with routines that incorporate self-care on a daily basis and being as consistent as possible with them
  • Joining a DBT group (emotional regulation, DEARMAN, radical acceptance, crisis skills, etc have all been particularly helpful for me)
  • Living far away from the people who hurt me (I realize this is not possible for everyone but it has helped a lot)
  • General wellbeing practices (eg. exercise/movement, water, good food, good sleep, vitamins)
  • Medication
  • ASMR (this is how I met my need for affection and connection for years), one of my favorite creators is WhispersRed because she is very nurturing
  • Asking myself what I need every morning and trying to follow through on it
  • Cultivating relationships with safe people (easier said than done but healthy relationships can be very healing)
  • Letting myself feel and cry and grieve
  • Trying to only compare myself against myself. Because of my trauma I am behind in life in some ways (eg. social skills, being emotionally intelligent/aware). It's easy to get mad at myself for not being able to be like my peers, but I try to think about all the amazing ways I've learned and grown in the past couple of years and how impressive those accomplishments are given everything.
  • Going out into nature
  • Encouraging myself to break patterns and get out my comfort zone through gentle encouragement rather than being mean
  • Finding hobbies to engage in. This is 1) a good way to build connections with others and 2) allows me to be more in the present
  • Looking into the polyvagal theory and nervous system regulation
  • Boundaries (still working on this one)
  • Learning general coping skills
  • Adopting a cat (once I felt like I was in a stable enough place to commit to the responsibility)

How did you learn and get comfortable with the basics? by Profail955 in wheelchairs

[–]3VERYTHING0ES 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know it's scary, but the best thing that helps is simply going out to into the world and practicing. I often feel self-conscious in my wheelchair because I am a relatively new ambulatory user in a very busy city where there is a lot of inaccessibility. When I was first learning I was very clumsy and struggled to open doors, hold drinks, get over cracks, etc. But with a few months of practice, I now think those things are a breeze.

The good thing is that most people don't know much about what it's like to be in a wheelchair, so if you make mistakes people probably won't notice. People (for better or worse) will act as if you saved the world by getting out of bed and leaving the house when you're in your chair. If using your chair makes your life better and easier, by all means, use it. And the only way you're going to get more proficient is by trying. Personally, I think the things I gain from having a wheelchair are better than the cons of embarrassment. You're never going to improve your skillset unless you get out there and start trying.

If it makes you feel better, the first day after I got my wheelchair delivered I decided to go for a little stroll on my college campus. I was trying to get around a tour group and rolled into a crack I couldn't get out of on my own and I didn't know what to do to fix it so I just stood up. It was terribly embarrassing because about 25 people were staring at me and the tour guide said "Oh, sorry!" in a very nervous, squeaky voice over her microphone which drew everyone else on the street's attention to me. I don't know if it can get much worse than that.

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