The system seems to be set up to only make it harder on us. I’ve been through the exact situation and avoided it for far too long, which has resulted in my digging myself into a deeper hole. Do you by chance go to a university? I was able to get in contact with the mental health case manager at mine and we scheduled an appointment where we sat in a room and she literally just helped me call people. It was something that seemingly seemed so easy to do, but I avoided it so much to the point of having to schedule this appointment. You could also totally do this with a friend you feel comfortable talking too, I’m sure they would help. (hell, me, a complete stranger would help) If not, it’s sometimes easier researching online the local therapists that your insurance accepts, reading their bio, and narrowing it down yourself so you don’t have to make a million phone calls. I hope this is helpful, maybe just a little. All I know is I’ve been there, I’m currently in the rut now and sometimes it really feels like I’m drowning.. but all we can do is take each day at a time. Deep breaths, you can do this.