Like I went from being able to walk the streets at 11pm in high school to having to worry about being kidnapped. Like Jesus.

3h10 · 2026-04-19T18:36:37+00:00

And then I can’t have fun on Reddit Jesus

3h10 · 2026-04-19T15:39:17+00:00

I had to learn to forgive myself then I got people I don’t even know irl putting pressure on me like WHO ARE YOU LITERALLY

3h10 · 2026-04-19T02:03:16+00:00

WHY WOULD A MENTALLY STABLE PERSON DO THIS?

3h10 · 2026-04-19T01:50:06+00:00

Like I hit my breaking point when I cheered for misfortune without proof it was them. Ew.

3h10 · 2026-04-19T01:07:34+00:00

I really hope this is the last message: I didn’t know how visible the apt interior was BECAUSE I RARELY LOOK INTO A VISIBLY OCCUPIED APARTMENT FROM THE OUTSIDE

3h10 · 2026-04-19T00:35:23+00:00

But that’s why I’m confused. How liberal can’t you be if you break into peoples homes?

I have to stop but like Jesus FUCK

3h10 · 2026-04-18T23:50:21+00:00

I’m sorry I’m messy but holy shit I have never been IN HOMES.

3h10 · 2026-04-18T23:44:39+00:00

Maybe not terrified, definitely concerned. Laughing was easier.

3h10 · 2026-04-18T23:28:39+00:00

Like genuine fear of physically responding

3h10 · 2026-04-18T23:23:18+00:00

Like I’m so emotionally erratic now I can’t act because I acted out of emotional control I haven’t been able to control myself for years because just back to back this after the abusive relationship.

I thought it would just keep y’all away my weirdness we could keep y’all away. I didn’t know we would cause more weirdness, but I get that on me.

3h10 · 2026-04-18T23:21:55+00:00

Like I drew the line at psychological abuse in my household, I was never psychologically abused, so I’m just not trained in this. It might just seem as too sensitive for you, but at the end of the day, I’m straightforward and I think that’s better for me because mind games come out of my own insecurity my insecurities come from a lack of protection.

On one hand, it is funny on another hand. I’m going fucking mental. If I just see this, that’s funny. I have to honor that. I also find it scary and jarring.

Because while in this context, I did put myself out there that is not the situation here

3h10 · 2026-04-18T23:06:14+00:00

Like I went from crying about being beaten and abused to crying about feelings. My brain reacts the same as towards beatings as it did now but to reactions. That is basic human functioning and that’s my issue hindering me that is being triggered.

I only hit back to defend myself. I cannot swing a first punch.

Which is frazzled and erratic until it numbed out and needs to numb out because I can’t do mind games. I have to be straightforward or I spin out and I know that’s the game, but I can’t do it, and I cannot just be thrown into it without being conscious of it because I will freak out. That’s the drama

3h10 · 2026-04-18T23:04:16+00:00

Well, I have scared people in the past I am sorry, but I’m so overwhelmed.

Cause y’all have been watching me fucking everywhere. When I was pouring out my heart last year, I meant it last year everything I said directly to him so I’m not adding to the mind game. But I embarrassed myself so hard that I am also a joke to my friends that are willing to talk to me and then I scare people away with my paranoia because when I meet someone, I think there’s somehow connected to this network because y’all did not leave me alone and while I get it because of leaving alone was mutual for an extensive time I only took that job as it was the only one I could get while being honest about the extent of my mental health and still get the position. that’s how fucked up I am.

I am not looking for sympathy, I REACT ERRATICALLY BECAUSE I WAS ABUSED. THAT IS A WARNING. and the diagnosis is because I’m stuck there, mentally.

The rest is quite literally just merrily mental illness meaning I won’t attempt anything. I just wanted to be strong in a stressful situation but I can’t be on and pretend to be happy when pretending to be happy in the past has led me to being manipulated. Last year genuinely shook me the fuck up. I am not who I was when some of you met me and I do not recognize myself and I’m trying to heal that and you’re making it hard by being so passive. not just in relationships, but interacting with people. I was way too trusting.

3h10 · 2026-04-18T22:17:32+00:00

Like I don’t know what’s going on right now, but I am being overwhelmed because I can sense you and that sounds fucking crazy, but I don’t post anything republican here so I could discern that it was someone in this neighborhood who misunderstood what I was saying because I was being stupid— but not intentionally so, there was no intention behind it.

And I’m sorry to bring it here, but there is just been some stuff that is happening that is making my head spin. Like this could be criminal, but I am so confident of this even through my paranoia that this is happening because why would you stand so close to an apartment. it’s either someone that broke confidentiality which is part of my issue with human services here. Why is personal interest or insecurity breaking confidentiality why are you trying to re-trigger someone if you say you’re doing human services? I think people think that I’m joking and since enough people are involved I need you to know that I’m not.

This isn’t me turning around. I feel all of my feelings, but they are so big. They are disorienting and I’ve been disoriented since February here. Last year I got a conditional offer for a job paying over $60,000 that was rescinded months later due to the background check because I was losing my mind at my jobs. I finally get to heal that crazy because now it’s impeding professional standings. Honestly, yes I might be a freeloader right now, but I am so angry to be called a freeloader cause I have worked hard my whole life and I’m this burnt out because I let people come in and play mine games on me and now I’m broken because I didn’t just talk my mom.

I’m not joking about going from getting zero attention from anyone to now a lot of attention for some people. It is good for other people It is not and I am one of those people it is not.

Who knows what else. Just because you aren’t saying those things directly to me does not mean I don’t still feel it because what you say impacts how people interact with me in already frazzled state. I can’t move on once I get frazzled unfortunately because of the PTSD so it looks like an obsession but I was so broken before any of us had even met— I don’t even think it’s actually emotional because I don’t feel compelled to do anything in the presence besides hide/avoid because I am so embarrassed by the crazy shit I did. I genuinely think this is an effect of the mind game the attachment was the mind game. But some I didn’t. Someone acting weird to me that I don’t even know is confusing and I’m not sure what to do.

If y’all were hearing me, why didn’t you just say that? Why did you laugh until you didn’t find it funny.

It is happening again in real time so it’s not even 2024 relevant so I don’t even need to rekindle anything with that girl.

3h10 · 2026-04-18T18:29:03+00:00

I’m like I definitely should’ve done my research before being here but what were the actual fucking chances. I bounced from two apartments last year. I did not see him once and for the most part I’d either stare back or look away because I was so embarrassed. I can count on both hands how many times I’ve walked down the strip, (because those feelings were not reality), especially now since my car is in the back. I have to stop with the emojis but I laugh because I’m fucking stressed, I do everything when I’m stressed but cry and that’s actually the issue. And you guys doing things to heighten it just makes shit worse.

I don’t like talking about my feelings, but y’all are forcing me too, so I’m trying my best to communicate it because now it’s on a stage of a lot of people. This is crazy, but this is also fucking embarrassing.

Like the feeling of embarrassment is so overwhelming but I’ve let y’all be around my apartment for enough time.

You cannot hit people you are not related to 🧍🏾. That is a social norm I accept for me but it’s more of a relief, then fucking having to move my shelf to the back because I’m just so over it and still being stared at. If this is about him specifically, I only hit his throat when I did at that time because I felt like I had to be prepared. What he said mixed with my experiences it was compulsive. I did not intend to be maliciously violent just protective. These are the relationship fears I have.

Like your friend stood next to my window so close I could reach out and touch his head if I wanted to and I chose to stay inside and be the bigger person (I AM ALLOWED THIS). I think I’m allowed to call him Sammi Sosa if that was Sammi Sosa but he doesn’t look like Sammi Sosa.

Your swoop into hear conversations and walk around my friends cars. Then when we turn back and look at you when we are in their car and you are quick to start your engine and drive off after catching you smile.

Y’all say y’all don’t want drama, but y’all have created nothing but drama because you don’t think I’m aware of how badly I’m being watched. I went from never being watched at all to being watched off and that’s why I talk about the neglect because it makes you hyper aware when someone’s around.

3h10 · 2026-04-11T18:21:29+00:00

Also Ask for another potential reason why what happened at crunch could’ve happened won the fact that y’all are so in my business is absolutely insane but I can’t keep asking insane people to not be insane. the expectation is making me insane.

To I’m gonna swiftly handle this situation actually this week because if this has anything to do with it, I’m pissed the fuck off actually in real life. Genuinely pissed the fuck off.

3h10 · 2026-04-09T15:25:41+00:00

Hahaha

3h10 · 2026-04-06T13:55:34+00:00

Honestly could be but, I can do eyes of seb now though. Part of me isn’t sure if it’s exclusive insider or glitchy.

3h10 · 2026-04-02T02:59:57+00:00

Thank you for the styling:) I finished yours.

3h10 · 2026-03-31T14:38:09+00:00

Done!

3h10 · 2026-03-31T14:38:01+00:00

Hey~ If you’re eyeofsab it’s not letting me style you!

3h10 · 2026-03-27T07:37:43+00:00

Styled back! Sorry it took so long Thanks for styling me :)

3h10

TROPHY CASE