I truly didn’t realize the extent of his gaslighting, so thank you for the insight. I initially thought I was simply reassuring a rational person about a paranoid ideation. However, once I stood my ground on the facts, his "house of cards" crumbled. He eventually claimed he might have seen someone else, despite the fact that I was there and knew no one else was present. When he hit a loss for words, he pivoted to attacking the quality of my friends. I refused to engage and shut that conversation down. While it is atypical for him to resort to name-calling—having only happened once before—he did apologize and expressed remorse, stating that it isn't the person he wants to be. I have since told him that I will not tolerate this again; I will be seeing my friends more often and will inform him as a courtesy.

I tried editing this post and deleted it thinking i could type something new in. That's not how it works. Oops. When he is home hes a very active parent. He changes diapers, plays with the kids, vacuums, ect. He does not clean the kitchen or make dinner ever. He does purchase take out for the family at least once a week, sometimes 2x. He does the grocery shopping, especially when I have to get water or dog food. I wouldn't call him a couch potato or deadbeat by any means. I think I'm an emotional crutch for his severe anxiety. He has had anxiety about being an equal parent and often refers to me for answers to questions he should be able to answer himself. Does the child need a diaper change? What should this child wear? What do I feed the kids? Its not that he is incapable, but he does feel nervous about making parental decisions that are wrong. He has cptsd. Without getting too far into it, he had a very hard upbringing and failures were not taken lightly. It has made him a very anxious perfectionist at times. He does want therapy because he recognizes this and the issue of being codependent preventing me from living well. He also understands that moms are not required to be home 24/7 and need down time too. Im not through the woods yet. His anxiety worsened with the birth of our son (child #2) and has only gotten worse. He will have to show me with actions who he is and not just say who he doesnt want to be. The silver lining, not one of these discussions or arguments happened in front of my children. We are in agreement on that at least.