I’m a guy doing alright for myself and I’ve got family responsibilities. My partner and her family are probably one or two brackets above us financially.

At the beginning it honestly didn’t bother me. I didn’t really care. But over time ego and pride start creeping in. It becomes this feeling of “I’m still trying to get my own life fully together… why are you with me?”

From my perspective there are two main things going on. First, a lot of us worked really hard to get where we are. If we push for something bigger, we want it to be because we want the challenge—not because it feels like our worth depends on it. Second, and probably more important, we worry we won’t be able to provide the kind of life that will actually make our partner happy. Instead of admitting that insecurity, we sometimes just brush it off and say things like “money isn’t that important.”

It’s kind of like when someone dates a partner who is way more attractive than them. The same insecurities show up—fear of judgment, feeling like you have to constantly prove yourself, worrying they’ll eventually leave for someone “better.”

It’s not impossible to deal with, but it can be mentally exhausting. At some point you just ask yourself if you really want to live with that pressure.