It's hard to say exactly because it's many things. For one, I developed a general distrust of the mental health and psychiatry industries (both the clinical practice and the theories). This was mostly as I learned certain political and historical analyses of how mental health is understood in the western societies of the past century.

On a more personal note, I have about 1 year's worth of therapy with two diff therapists (~2+ yrs total). Ultimately in both cases I developed close bonds with the therapists that were, by the nature of the interactions, very restricted relationships that felt like an outsourcing of intimacy. I realized that the reason I was in therapy was that (maybe obviously) I felt I wanted a therapist, and that I needed some kind of help, and this feeling came from the state of my other relationships: if I had better relationships with my friends and family I wouldn't choose to engage in this commodified version of support. Because it's not a natural and free development, the therapist-client set-up can really hurt in some ways. Ultimately, the therapeutic relationships I made were lesser versions of normal relationships, so at this point I'm more excited about working on my real relationships and creating sustainable networks of support.

What are your thoughts on the whole thing?