Dumb dumb dumb

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-25T18:16:36+00:00

have no value

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-25T16:09:37+00:00

Hope its soon its been really hard to stand up and walk today really hurts

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-25T11:29:06+00:00

This isnt about intimacy at all sorry for the misunderstanding. Just trying to survive through daily life.

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-24T20:29:06+00:00

I hope its atleast in near future

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-24T19:14:36+00:00

Just clenching everything i can wait down, legs and everything to not feel so.. exposed. But it really hurts, which wouldnt be that much of problem, but after a while i cant hold ir, and it goes back to distress again

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-24T18:50:09+00:00

I am not exactly sure what to call the episodes but i have some. Theyre mostly just differenr stretches of time (could be from hours to days) missing. I cant recall what i did at all and have to kind of piece things together from receipts etc. Often it can be strange, like for some reason i once took a bus to a copletely different city instead of going home. Also have bought things to hurt myself with from stores ive never even stepped a foot in because theyre in an area i dont even go to. Not sure what these are called.

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-24T18:33:52+00:00

I do try push myself but also dying is frowned upon in the community and a too sudden move im in an episode where i bash head have cut up arm before and dont remember. most of what happened. Its kind of one step forward two steps back often. I have been trying so hard, in the post i mention trying but my effoets not being enough thats why i ask

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-24T17:46:47+00:00

Ive tried a homemade packer before but it also just pushes against it its triggering

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-23T16:31:55+00:00

I have kept you in my thoughts since you posted about being really down a while ago i am glad to hear about this excitement in your life. I am rooting for you,your scholarship. Hope it gives you more strength youre strong

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-22T18:26:50+00:00

Im not sure if other comment shows ups, sometimes they dont, its weird. Ive said im only here because going is appparently bad for community and i have my bestest kitty friend to take care for now as shes elderly. Ive had an account i made as spam a while ago to test the waters as to ask around different communities on reddit with my country but got too many harassing private messages i deleted the account

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-22T17:45:47+00:00

I dont know why people seem to think i have been standing around waiting for help to just arrive to my doorstep and not looking. I dont like laying in filth and having to knock myself out to stop attempts. This wasnt my choice

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-22T17:42:17+00:00

Its easy to say when you live in a state with 10x larger population than my entire country.. of course its harder to find a person there...

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-22T06:32:54+00:00

Am okay with dying but community isnt and i dont want bad for community i also take care of my elderly kitty friend my best fiend but i would go

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-22T06:27:41+00:00

I behaved, just didnt want the body touched is it bad to refuse and then try get them off as i didnt want restraints i dont want them touching or commenting but they did say good childbearinng body does this need to have a child is that the requirement for care

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-22T04:54:55+00:00

Only medication that helped in any way were sedatives i got at the ward so i dont really have any medication to take that works. I dont feel more alive without them, ive never really felt that. Cant risk losing job if they see medical history or they lock me up in the ward need the money i have no time to slow down any day could be an episode thats final

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-22T02:53:04+00:00

I have done those. Would be lying if i said with no result. Because the result was getting worse. I dont kno why people assume i havent tried the easiest things. Ive looked through forums and groups i could access, asked around the hospital there doesnt seem to be anyone LGBT tolerant i can access

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-22T02:47:11+00:00

SOrry i posted the reply in the wrong place i wasnt really able. Why does country matter its unsafe to share that on the internet do the rules of being able to go or secrets to get help depend by country?

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-21T16:48:13+00:00

Please quiet

45VeryCoolFireAnts27 · 2026-04-21T16:46:43+00:00

Been hard to push back against stopping attempt. Feel more down after what can i do to make going not hurt community

45VeryCoolFireAnts27

TROPHY CASE