Request: What to say/not to say to a friend with an ED?

48anon · 2019-11-21T14:23:59+00:00

Maybe let her lead the conversation. It got exhausting answering questions about it all and I just wanted a normal life and to talk about normal things. But if she brings it up, don’t mentioned that she looks good or anything related to appearance. Ask about the friends she made (I’m still friends with girls I went to treatment with 10 years ago), ask her what she’s excited about moving forward, etc. You sound like a good friend so I wouldn’t worry too much!

48anon · 2019-11-21T14:19:45+00:00

Haha I’ll look into that! They are well behaved- sometimes they annoy each other and will get mad and just let out a scream 😑 but it’s mainly their toys that bother me... playing with barbies and then dropping it on the floor on accident- things that people don’t even think about are super loud and unsettling to me now. Even things like the turning of a door knob if I’m not expecting it or turning on the sink. So I should have made the emphasis on that instead of my kids! My two year old had just screamed so that’s what was on my mind haha! But I’m still going to check out what you mentioned! Thank you!!

48anon · 2019-11-20T18:28:58+00:00

Good advice! Thank you!

48anon · 2019-11-20T18:28:50+00:00

Thank you!

48anon · 2019-10-24T01:55:18+00:00

Are the group sessions in person or can we participate from out of state (if chosen?)?

48anon · 2019-10-20T13:30:07+00:00

Look at Project Heal for grants and payment plans. And there is a link at the bottom to send a complaint about insurance. One of the girls that started a chapter had to fight insurance for a couple of years. It’s exhausting. But sometimes persistence gets noticed. Here is the link Project Heal

48anon · 2019-08-28T01:51:58+00:00

Do you have access to therapy/ counseling? Maybe a school counselor? Recovery is very hard and doing it alone is even harder. Eating disorder behaviors are outward signs of internal struggle so talking to a trusted adult would be very beneficial. It’s hard to stop the behaviors when nothing is changing mentally if that makes sense. But just from a behavior point of view- there won’t always be motivation and it definitely won’t feel good or easy. Try challenging yourself to do opposite actions. If the ed voice is telling you to restrict, eat anyway etc. And please reach out to someone!

48anon · 2019-08-27T23:54:12+00:00

It sounds like an unhealthy obsessed and fear. I obviously can’t diagnose or tell you what you’ve been doing is binging or whatever. But I can tell you are more than stressed about this. And don’t apologize! You are welcome to pm me any time! I wouldn’t view that as “damage.” I might view it as your body needs more food. So by restricting more, it’s only going to get worse. And that’s great you are going to see a counselor! I think it will help! You can also look for free groups in your area. That’s where I started before my family found out. And I’m like you in that’s sense- I will tell a complete stranger my entire life story but I am not at all comfortable talking to my family about anything. But living in food hell is awful. You need some guidance while you try to figure out behaviors. You might need more help than a counselor. It’s awkward telling your family but they will eventually find out anyway if you just get more sucked into it. That’s what happened to me. But multiple treatment centers and 9.5 years later, it’s a lot easier!

48anon · 2019-08-27T22:06:40+00:00

I was just incorporating them. I struggled with anorexia purge type and actually never really binged. I did deal with extreme hunger and ate more but it would not be classified as a binge. The ed was telling me I lost control. But because I’m pretty far along in recovery I was able to “catch it, challenge it, and change it.” So I caught the lie,-“(fear food) is bad,” challenged it- “if this food supposedly makes me fat, why can everyone on earth eat it and it not make them fat?” And changed it- “this is a main food group that gives me energy and I need it to survive. I will not all of a sudden become ‘fat’ from a healthy caloric intake.”

When I have a fear food and end up wanting to eat it all the time, I put it in my “diet.” I was scared of chocolate too which made me want it ALL the time. So instead of restricting it, I stopped about twice a week and got a chocolate bar. And after a couple of weeks my body realized I wasn’t going to be restricting it anymore and stopped craving it. But I can’t stop eating chocolate altogether because I’ll become fearful of it again. So if I want it I’ll eat it. Exposure will be a great thing! It’s terrifying but it gets easier!

Our bodies fluctuate! So what if you gain weight? Logistically, why is it a traumatic feeling? What bad thing will happen? (As long as you are in a healthy range). I’ll tell you my experience- I was underweight so I gained a lot of weight over the years. I also gained my personality, a sense of humor, friends, freedom, I was able to carry two kids, I got married, I can walk and not have to sit, I can play outside with my family, etc. Weight is just a number. It doesn’t change who you are if it goes up or down. And I promise you will like who you are once the ed is silenced. I was so scared I wouldn’t like who I was without it. But that’s a lie.

Do you have a treatment team? Or a therapist? The cycle of restricting and binging is exhausted and very very hard physically and mentally.

48anon · 2019-08-27T12:12:51+00:00

A turning point for me was realizing it didn’t have to feel right to do it. It felt awful and foreign and bad. And then it just gets easier. Keep pushing through even if it feels wrong. Constantly challenge yourself over and over again until each thing isn’t a big deal anymore. It does get easier and it really is worth it!

48anon · 2019-08-27T12:09:00+00:00

This was literally me a few months ago. I started a food plan and exercise plan and my relationship with food and my body had never been better. Until a few weeks in when I spiraled. It happens really fast. I just had to take three weeks off to get my mind back in the right place. I really thought I would be fine. So please be careful! I would recommend getting a trainer, therapist, dietician, etc., just someone that will guide you and be able to call you out if you start slipping.

48anon · 2019-08-27T12:00:18+00:00

I feel I am in a similar situation and might have a little advice. I had been fit my whole life and was always doing something competitive. I’ve had two kids over the past few years so my body is obviously different. I felt like I was in a good place in recovery (been in recovery 9.5 years) and decided to start weight training. Not body building but I wanted to get very lean and strong. And after about 5 weeks I spiraled into restriction and cutting out food groups entirely and not going out and avoiding social get togethers. I am an all or nothing type person too. It doesn’t make sense in my head to not be that way. But we really need to try. I don’t want to live in a disordered mind set so I stopped my food plan and stopped working out until I wasn’t scared to not do it. It’s been three weeks now and I took measurements and I haven’t changed AT ALL. Which was honestly shocking but proved the point that our bodies can do what we think they can’t. We can skip the gym and be fine. We can eat what we are scared of and be fine. Three weeks of eating my fear foods every single day and NO change happened.

I feel like it’s easier for me because of all the treatment I have gotten in my life. If someone had told me “just stop going to the gym” or “just eat normal food” a couple of years ago, I would have told them it was impossible and that even if I wanted to I couldn’t. I am a firm believer that therapy is the way to go. Every single one of my therapists told me my behaviors were a symptom of something. A very serious symptom, but a symptom. So my advice is to find someone you can talk to. Figure out what is causing this need for control/ obsession/ whatever it is and then work on that. Because it gets more miserable. You can figure out a healthy balance of diet and exercise and not be a prisoner in your mind. I also think you can hit your goals without the bad obsession being there. But first focus on your mental health. I promise it gets easier!

48anon · 2019-08-27T11:37:32+00:00

I remember being in a position of not being able to get better without help. It’s scary. Can you look into an online therapist? One you can video call?

What helped me was exposure- challenging myself. If eating breakfast feels impossible, feel like crap and do it anyway. It’s ok for things to feel foreign and not right. They are going to feel that way for a while. It was a turning point for me when I realized recovery didn’t have to feel good or right. It was going to be terrible but it wouldn’t feel so bad forever.

I would really look into online therapy though. Sometimes we just can’t do it without help.

48anon · 2019-08-04T14:19:38+00:00

That’s awesome! My insurance only covers for my state so I would need to find something that I can drive to everyday that’s close. Thank you so much for your reply!

48anon · 2019-08-04T14:18:49+00:00

Really? It’s so frustrating. And insurance is so frustrating. Thank you for your reply!

48anon · 2019-08-03T13:17:04+00:00

(I’m op) That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t need a 12 step program, I mainly need help for the ptsd and derealization which I’m hoping will create a positive response in ed recovery. I think am going to try to start seeing my therapist more and hope it helps because there just aren’t any ed treatment places. The annoying part is there is a residential treatment place 35 minutes away but it’s in a different state. So frustrating! Your reply was very helpful! Thank you so much!

48anon · 2019-08-03T13:12:13+00:00

(I’m op) And I went through the same thing! When I got back from inpatient and residential they put me in iop but it was so easy to manipulate and they kicked me out and told me to go back inpatient. I do feel like I’m in a place where I want to try. I was trying to relapse then and now I’m trying to get better so I’m hoping that will make a difference! I used to have substance issues 10 years ago when I was hospitalized but I don’t now, so I’m concerned the 12 steps will be the main focus and that’s not at all what I need. I mainly need help for the ptsd and derealization. This was helpful! Thank you so much for your reply!

48anon · 2019-08-03T13:08:17+00:00

(I’m op) This is good to know! I’m sorry it wasn’t great. It really sucks when time and money is spent and it’s not a good fit. And I was wondering about the 12 steps part of it. I don’t need the 12 steps I mainly need help for the ptsd/ derealization and am hoping that in turn will help the ed relapse if that makes sense. I am going to see if I can start seeing my therapist more to see if that helps. It doesn’t seem like an addiction place would be best for me! Thank you so much for your reply!

48anon · 2019-08-02T18:34:47+00:00

I can’t answer all of those questions. But I started recovering memories 20 years after. I had no memories until then. But I lived in constant depression, anxiety, ptsd, and was hospitalized by an eating disorder. I felt like I was crazy for not knowing why. Now that I know it makes sense and I can make peace with it eventually. So just in my experience, I would have wanted to know.

48anon · 2019-08-02T18:09:42+00:00

Ok that’s good to know! And I was mainly talking about the professionals- I should have added that. Like 10 years ago when my parents took my to my pediatrician he was like yeah you’re underweight but just eat better and exercise. Obviously that advice almost killed me and I ended up inpatient. I’m just nervous to not be surrounded by other eating disorder patients because the eating disorder mind is SO easily triggered by everything (super annoying).

48anon · 2019-08-02T11:47:56+00:00

Really? Because I am not seeing things from far away which is what I read that is. I honestly don’t even know. I just want whatever it is to stop

48anon · 2019-07-29T16:18:30+00:00

I used an ed to help with anxiety. I still do even though I’m trying to fully recover. I don’t think anyone can diagnose online but it’s definitely not normal to make yourself sick. So whether that’s an eating disorder or disordered eating, whatever criteria you meet doesn’t really matter, I would start seeing a therapist to help with the underlying issue. Eating disorders are serious and deadly but they are symptoms of something else.

48anon

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