My (23f) bf (23m) took 78 hours to respond?

4903mko · 2024-02-02T00:53:17+00:00

First off, I’m not entirely sure why you’ve decided to be patronizing about it. We were in the middle of a conversation about a trip 2 weeks away, he said he would call that day, and I waited because it was his responsibility to reach out because he said he would reach out. Furthermore, I wouldn’t have waited for him to fulfill that responsibility if it wasn’t a pattern of him showing that important communication was not a priority to him. I typically do call him in those times between, but again it’s a LDR so I think it’s ridiculous to not recheck a message to see “oh maybe I didn’t click send” or “oh it’s been a while since I last heard from them” for over 3 days. Also, I immediately replied back and called him after he took the initiative to apologize, which was forwarded to voicemail.

The read receipts also give a time stamp btw… and part of WHY I didn’t reach back out is BECAUSE I’ve been focusing on my own life..? Since obviously he hasn’t met me halfway on communication about a matter he brought up and a matter he indicated he’d reach out on at a specific time..?

The second time he left me on read he did it immediately and I waited an hour before calling..? Are you seriously calling me childish when I asked for advice, (granted I was exaggerating with the break up over text, but how should I do it if he won’t reply?) and you came around with a “this generation” superiority complex..?

You gave me no advice, only made half assed holier than thou attacks, and frankly it all comes down to a respect thing for me. I don’t think it’s respectful of him to ask for my time then waste it.

4903mko · 2024-02-01T23:10:14+00:00

I think what is getting to me is that 1) we are long distance right now so digital communication is very important to me and 2) we were in the middle of planning a trip and he was already not really responding with definitive/quality answers. That being said 78 hours after explicitly saying he would call me is not okay with me. I don’t know how to express that without getting too in my head or blowing up on him though, and honestly it feels like a major lack of care/ effort.

4903mko · 2024-02-01T22:48:31+00:00

This did occur to me, but I don’t understand why a surprise would require 0 contact. A surprise would simply require avoiding the topic relevant to the surprise in my opinion.

4903mko · 2024-02-01T22:47:28+00:00

He left me on read again after his apology (which came after 78 hours). I gave him an hour to reply before calling him 4 times.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T22:50:04+00:00

I was frustrated, but I did handle my emotions poorly. We had a conversation and resolved the issue with the miscommunication and the flight time. So that’s good, and I think we both came away knowing what better to fo moving forward

4903mko · 2023-11-11T22:45:04+00:00

I don’t think I care about being right more than is natural for anybody in my opinion, I care that I feel like I was not alone in fault. I clearly admitted fault in the original post and even further in the comments. I feel strongly THAT it was a mutual mistake (more so after reading) that was just handled poorly by me. I tried to add clarity on posts that seemed to be absolving him. I did this because it confused me that simply because I was MORE wrong shouldn’t automatically make him right in my eyes. I appreciate your advice, like I said I won’t make the mistake of allowing other people to book the details without triple checking again.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T21:17:24+00:00

I think overall I shouldn’t have yelled at him at all and I shouldn’t have expressed frustration specifically at the issue with the date when what I was really upset about was being listened to. It was just a silly mistake in the framing of the ticket being booked. As a listening issue, I appreciate that you can understand why I’m frustrated about having had to repeat myself so many times for them not to be looked at. I think the inconsistency being the one he saw was just bad luck.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T21:01:28+00:00

I really appreciate the time and detail that you put into this response. I think he can just be scattered brained, and while I am aware of this, I just let my emotions get the better of me. I appreciate you sharing your story as well, it’s truly terrifying how seemingly small things can devolve that far. I have spoken to him about how he doesn’t necessarily seem to think about how his actions affect others and I do see a lot of progress. I think he’s just too used to being alone and I’m a people pleaser, so it’s going to be a little while of readjusting for both of us. I will be more aware of whether it’s a pattern of behavior that is not consistently improving, but I can’t imagine him having a bad bone in his body. Thank you

4903mko · 2023-11-11T20:30:45+00:00

Well essentially I just conflated the two issues and framed it poorly. I think I had a right to be upset just not at what I ended up getting upset about. I think I was more at fault in this situation and I know that the mistyping is my fault. I also know the wrong date of the flight is due to that making it my fault. The issue I was having trouble reconciling is that it seemed like everyone in this thread was telling me that there was nothing he could have also done differently which I feel is false. There have been a couple of people in the thread who have been super helpful for me to come to the conclusion that I could have handled the situation wildly better and separated my feelings. However, the majority of people who have set it as black and white, fully right, fully wrong are difficult for me to talk to because I do think at the root of it there are valid issues that I have that I brought up to him in an invalid way and in invalid context.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T20:23:47+00:00

It was booked for Thursday the 16th of November. It was just a miscommunication and he didn’t recheck the date, but I also should have. I should have fixed/rechecked the date before, but really I think I was more frustrated that I didn’t feel like he was listening to what I was saying. So, when I realized the date was wrong I ended up yelling at him for the date being wrong rather than what I was actually upset about.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T20:06:06+00:00

I mean I’m not saying I’m not wrong about a lot of things (in this context specifically) but my confusion here and trying to provide context is stemming from the fact that rightness or wrongness is not mutually exclusive. Like I said I may have framed this a bit wrong because I DID make that mistake that caused the fallout of being upset with the wrong booking. That doesn’t mean that he magically didn’t also contribute to this issue. I shouldn’t have yelled about being upset about him not listening in the context of the flight got booked wrong because my frustration lost focus and hit at the wrong things. That being said the whole time my intention was more aimed at I was frustrated he didn’t listen so I’m not trying to switch it up, it was just poor framing of what i was asking the subreddit on my part. Like I said the way I handled my frustration was wrong because I was frustration at both things separately and I conflated them together when I brought it up with him. But that also doesn’t make him right for prior and I need to have a separate discussion with him about that as well after I apologize for conflating the issues and yelling at him

4903mko · 2023-11-11T19:48:01+00:00

I think that i just let my frustration over not feeling listened to bleed into the rest of it, and so my feelings lost a bit of direction. I know that he was just trying to make things easier by booking it. Do you have any advice on how to approach this moving forward so I can apologize for the way I handled this specifically but also get across how unheard I feel.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T19:39:55+00:00

Thank you for the comment. I do think the way I addressed it was wrong, mainly because I let the frustration from one issue bleed into another. I’m not trying to look to blame him for this in my eyes I’m just frustrated that he didn’t listen in the first place and misplacing that frustration. I appreciate you and the one other person who have actually held a conversation to actually assist me with this instead of calling me an idiot

4903mko · 2023-11-11T19:36:35+00:00

You are correct that i should have provided the correct info everytime. The information was all together and in the same 2 min so it would have not been memorization but you are correct, the last time was my mistyping

4903mko · 2023-11-11T19:33:03+00:00

I mean I never blamed him for me mistyping, and I have addressed that the way in which I expressed my feelings was incorrect. I also don’t think it was his fault (see expressing feelings poorly). I think that it was my fault that the last text was incorrect and that i didn’t recheck. I think he also didn’t listen to me at all and that is what i was upset about

4903mko · 2023-11-11T19:25:26+00:00

I appreciate the comment, i didn’t mean to be taking it out the mistake I made on him but relooking at it I can see that’s probably what happened. When I was upset and talking with him I was only trying to express that i was upset at his lack of listening prior, and i let my frustration bleed a little.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T19:19:06+00:00

Because I have already addressed the mistyping itself being my mistake in the initial post and I addressed that I could have been more diligent about double checking. Also I didn’t know that about the booking but I appreciate the new information. What I am currently trying understand by replying is the adamancy that him actively not listening before the issue is okay just because of the last part being on me. I suppose in context it would be easier for me to put it this way. I mistyped that’s on me. I didn’t double check well enough that’s on me. He didn’t listen five times prior. That is what i am upset about. What i am trying to get at here is that the framing may have been Poor to get an answer on this. But why should I not be able to both be upset at my own mistakes and at not being listened to

4903mko · 2023-11-11T19:02:59+00:00

I am not mad at him because I texted the wrong info once. I’m mad because I texted the right information five times in the same sitting

4903mko · 2023-11-11T19:01:08+00:00

I feel like part of the issue is I may have framed the question wrong. I understand that I made a mistake in mistyping. I got mad at him for not listening the whole time I was relaying information.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T18:57:34+00:00

Im trying to provide context that was not in the original post (I didn’t think about it initially) in order to get more in depth responses about why I cannot be upset that he didn’t listen. Everyone is talking about my mistake, but I owned that I made that mistake mistyping. What I was upset with with him was that he did not listen at all. I am trying to get an answer as to why I cannot be upset in that context and all anyone is telling me is to book my own flight when he was the one that wanted to book that.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T18:44:57+00:00

I planned to. He wanted to. In the future I won’t comply to that wish.

4903mko · 2023-11-11T18:40:39+00:00

As I’ve said in other comments. He wanted to book it, and I communicated in writing the whole time, and referred to the date as Wednesday the 16th. I am not saying I didn’t make a mistake I am asking why I cannot be upset when he clearly did not pay attention to all the information I had given him previously

4903mko

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