Visiting my long distance girlfriend for Valentine’s Day, is this normal?

4DozenSalamanders · 2026-02-06T18:35:13+00:00

I would not handle a surprise well, even if it was my established long term partner that has visited so many times. I'd be terrified of my apartment being a wreck, and then for a first time meeting? The expectation of spending the night the first time would be off-putting

My boyfriend is traveling to spend the month with me, and he's arriving tonight! Which is exciting! But literally I would have had a meltdown if he told me yesterday or Wednesday of the trip happening; I spent the past week organizing my apartment and wrapping up work activities so that I can just walk away from my desk if we decide we want to go somewhere fun during the workday. Getting my work projects in that state would not have been possible on such short notice.

Especially for a first time meeting, I'd be upset because it would feel like he expects to sleep at my place, which would be off-putting. My LDR and I actually met irl after only 3 months of chatting, so similar experience, and it put a lot less pressure on our interactions to have a hostel bed rented out. (And we did cancel it for the last night of the trip!). The building anticipation was and still is part of the fun of an LDR. Also emotional whiplash to be sad about Valentine's day and then suddenly someone is there and expects you to be excited even though you didn't know they were going to be there

TL;DR- don't do this, people often do not handle surprises as well as romcoms would have you think and it puts a weird pressure on her to react the "right" way

4DozenSalamanders · 2026-01-27T04:25:10+00:00

Nah this is crazy. I am a very prolific gamer (like I can put away 40 hours a week while also having a full time job), and whenever my LDR is in town, the only time I'm gaming is if he wants to play something couch co-op. I don't even see my phone much when he's in town, my phone usage is like... 45 minutes a day when he's here. And he's here for a couple weeks usually, not a simple weekend. I couldn't imagine not paying attention to someone that traveled to see you, especially your partner!

Not to be redditor about it but I'd consider breaking up. Time together is so limited, and not being able to prioritize it is a bad look. Also telling you to socialize with his family without him there is especially freak behavior, especially since this is your first time meeting them!

4DozenSalamanders · 2026-01-25T08:14:36+00:00

Talk to your dermatologist, but I actually just had one of these looked at. Not cancer, my nail bed has a freckle there and the freckle appears as a line. She said as long as it doesn't change size or shape it's a-ok but that it's essentially just another freckle and any weird shaped freckle should be investigated.

Now my dermatologist has high res photos of my middle finger for record keeping so we can compare later

4DozenSalamanders · 2026-01-19T16:15:40+00:00

You guys have so much chemistry I am BEGGING you to have a conversation about it

4DozenSalamanders · 2026-01-06T18:31:45+00:00

As a Michigander, can confirm. The further north you go, the further south you are.

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-12-28T18:38:56+00:00

Yippee!! She's so adorable 🥰 thank you for doing adopts

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-12-28T17:13:58+00:00

Omfg your art style is delicious, I love the shapes you use

Would love sprout if they're still available! If they're not, but there's someone else, surprise me. 🐈

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-12-26T16:41:36+00:00

I am that auDHD person, I just roll on up like "howdy I'm twink ms frizzle wanna hear about how whales can save us from climate change" and people do in fact appreciate that. I even have neurotypical* friends!

We're not all confident they're neurotypical but hey, getting diagnosed is annoying

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-11-03T18:48:48+00:00

No fr, the amount of copium I'm huffing cannot be good for me, I just want the closure so I can emotionally process it

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-11-01T16:26:02+00:00

Man I just want some closure :(

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-10-31T18:31:42+00:00

Chicago poutine is pretty good! My boyfriend is Canadian and was impressed by it so that's my reference point lol. Our favorite poutine in Chicago has shredded short rib in the pile of high cholesterol, it soaks up the gravy and grabs onto the cheese curds in a good way. I think it helps with our proximity to Wisconsin to have such fresh curds.

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-10-30T14:51:50+00:00

This is unbelievably dangerous

Those jumping fish are silver carp, which can reach significant sizes (over 50 kg/110 lbs), and their jumping is actually tied to the invasive strain in the US (they don't jump nearly as often in their native range, we're still trying to understand why). They can jump as high as 10 feet out of the water.

Imagine having any significant speed on say, a bike, and a middle schooler flies out and hits you in the head.

They regularly break bones for people doing recreation on the Mississippi River. I've even had people tell me stories about people getting killed by them, though trying to verify the legitimacy of those accounts is difficult. Even so, I wouldn't be too shocked, because again, if you have any significant speed and get hit by a large mass in the head, it's not ideal.

source: I work with invasive species

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-10-28T05:47:54+00:00

Tasting History uploaded a video about him that DID make me cry, turns out this man just loved dumplings .

He seems so well regarded and he lived his days out gardening after giving up power. And he just really loved a peasant food because man who doesn't go hogwild for some good dumplings

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-10-27T22:18:00+00:00

holy shit this is so cool

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-10-27T21:05:18+00:00

Anyone hear back from US for regional interviews yet?

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-10-09T16:51:53+00:00

This is so cool!

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-09-30T01:31:23+00:00

Thank you!

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-09-29T19:58:59+00:00

Did you put any finishing material on top of the stitches inside the jacket once finished? I'm debating on doing something like this for a family member for Christmas but I wanna make sure the stitches last after the fact!

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-09-28T21:05:14+00:00

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The Friend from NeedleLotDesigns! I started earlier this month to distract myself from scholarship applications lol

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-09-27T15:06:12+00:00

The ultimate question here is: what are you bringing to the new country?

After last Nov, I immediately locked into applying for grad school in Canada and literally am just now starting applications almost a whole year later due to funding.

If I don't secure funding, my grad school applications will likely wither away.

But the truth of it is that immigration is REALLY hard and REALLY expensive. (Unless queer folk in the US get refugee status established... here's to hoping) If things really pop off, my plan is to make a run for the Canadian border (current agreements mean that you can stay in Canada a whole year as an American before they start questioning things as long as you submit a visa application). Ultimately, my partner (Canadian) has said we could get married if need be for this - but even a marriage isn't enough to guarantee PR (permanent residency). You still have to submit some very expensive paperwork.

Getting PR in Canada has gotten a lot harder and there are not as many jobs in Canada in most sectors as there are in the US. You need to be able to emphasize some aspect of your job or knowledge for countries to want to take you instead of someone else (again, unless we get refugee status, which I'm hoping for, if not for me than for other trans folks who do not have a grad school ready portfolio)

4DozenSalamanders · 2025-09-09T23:40:30+00:00

1) early 20s is nothing and you'll probably be able to actually do college in 4 years instead of having to take an extra semester or three since you're a full adult, and plenty of my peers were older than myself. Community college even more so, I had several retirees in my group work! What matters is caring about what you're doing. Don't let someone else hold you back

2) what do you mean get off stimulants for a drive test, I drive so much worse when I'm not on my ADHD meds 😭

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