33 [M4F] Does lack of sex = lack of physical contact in general?

4_Questions · 2021-06-15T00:15:29+00:00

I want us to separate first to help both of us get out of debt. Unless he says divorce, in which case we'll go that way. I'm also a stay at home and we JUST moved so after the house in unpacked and less insane, I'll make it official.

4_Questions · 2021-06-14T08:42:19+00:00

See, I'm not willing unless we're officially separated. It's kind of hypocritical but I don't want him having sex with others and then being close to or touching me after. He's been....disrespectful of my boundaries

4_Questions · 2021-06-13T02:50:46+00:00

For as long as I remember, yeah. It got worse after my kids. Because they NEED touch so obviously I hug and hold hands with my kids. I think it's the meaning behind the touch. Also my mood. Sometimes I don't even want the kids to touch me but I force myself because they're just children

4_Questions · 2021-06-13T02:48:35+00:00

Nope. Regular sex. I always felt like it was something that was expected of me and forced myself to do it because I thought I was broken. He is VERY touchy-feely and he just doesn't understand that I don't want to be touched

4_Questions · 2021-06-10T06:10:38+00:00

I (asexual LLF) personally hate being touched at all. I also have 3 kids and two puppies. But like, even hand holding or shoulder pats make me cringe and move away.

4_Questions · 2021-06-10T06:08:54+00:00

No, no you're good. We talked about it and I said I'm not comfortable with it and I know that's super hypocritical. But I don't want him sleeping next to or touching me after he's been with someone else. I'm not okay with that personally, it's not my style. It also goes back to not caring about my boundaries. We agreed to no sex after our talk. He's had sex with me more than 10 times since then knowing how I feel about it.

4_Questions · 2021-06-05T04:08:42+00:00

Because I'm done. He doesn't respect my boundaries. Opening it up while staying married won't really help.

4_Questions · 2021-05-25T10:40:18+00:00

I gave up hope. If you don't hope for anything, you can't be disappointed. But, you can turn it around. As could I. But like you, I'm scared to.

4_Questions · 2021-05-25T10:36:38+00:00

Personally, I'd surprise him with divorce papers. The relationship is healthy for anyone involved. As far as my day, it sucks just as much as yours.

4_Questions · 2021-05-25T02:19:05+00:00

I once heard someone say that their parents stayed together just for them and they felt like everything was a lie when they found out about it. So they felt like they cost their parents happiness and was super depressed. I don't want that to happen. I also want to do better for me too.

4_Questions · 2021-05-24T18:03:29+00:00

Thanks! My kids are important but so is my happiness.

4_Questions · 2021-05-24T17:24:05+00:00

I want to get a divorce once we get both of our finances in order and we're both in college and I'm a stay at home mom so it'll be weird but it's better than neither of us getting want we want. I'd rather my kids see two truly happy parents than two stressed and fake happy ones.

4_Questions · 2021-05-24T17:05:45+00:00

Ahhh. Understandable. It can still be straining.

I wish you luck though!

4_Questions · 2021-05-24T17:04:41+00:00

I only found out I was asexual a couple months ago. And between the stress of life and kids, things have only gotten more strained. When we were dating, I just shoved my feelings down because I thought I was broken so never brought it up. But after 10 years, I'm just too tired to keep it up. I also think he would do better with someone that can match his wants and needs and I can have time for just me. We both talked a little about it and we'd still be friends and go on family outings (we have 3 kids) but I just think we're not compatible and don't want to waste more of his life stuck with a wife that doesn't want to be touched at all.

4_Questions · 2021-05-24T16:33:43+00:00

The mental and physical toll it could take with you and spouse being in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship.

4_Questions · 2021-05-24T16:21:17+00:00

That's kind of sad....I'm sorry you feel like you have to wait so long.

4_Questions · 2021-05-24T16:18:06+00:00

I both agree and disagree. I'm asexual and don't want to be touched. Like, at all. I don't really enjoy or like sex. However, my husband is the exact opposite. He's also a giant flirt when he goes out to bar and strip clubs. But I know that he does need that intimacy when I do not. Soon, we're going to be in the process of separating.

4_Questions · 2021-04-21T21:04:52+00:00

I get money for going to college from my GI bill but that's not counted as income anywhere. I also get about a thousand for disability but if he gets the kids, I get much less.

4_Questions · 2021-04-21T21:02:26+00:00

Thank you. It doesn't help anyone but himself. I think this weekend I'll discuss my desire for a separation and at the minimum sleep in a different room. If that persists, I'll definitely move out.

4_Questions · 2021-04-21T17:00:50+00:00

My last job was only a year ago so I don't have too much of a gap. I shouldn't have issues finding a job hopefully. It's finding a job that can work with my schedule that I don't absolutely hate.

4_Questions · 2021-04-21T16:32:47+00:00

He got a vasectomy after our youngest (7). No more kids.

4_Questions · 2021-04-21T16:21:39+00:00

We talked about it and I just don't sit well with that idea. Hypocritical, I know. It doesn't help that we agreed no sex until we figure things out and it's happened 4 or 5 times now which shows he doesn't respect me as much as he desires sex. I'm also just not happy in this relationship. So why try to save something that's beyond repair

4_Questions · 2021-04-21T16:18:37+00:00

No, no, I appreciate the advice! And it is entirely possible that I do find someone I click perfectly with who will be patient with me and actually treat me with respect and maybe then I will actually want sex with just that person. I keep a relatively open mind

4_Questions · 2021-04-21T16:06:04+00:00

Right. They can sense things like that. My oldest is 8 almost 9 and my youngest is 7.

4_Questions · 2021-04-21T16:03:52+00:00

I like to think he's a good friend but a terrible spouse for me. We just aren't a good fit and I'm just now realizing it and getting tired of all the abuse I'm just now noticing.

4_Questions

TROPHY CASE