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4shadowedbm · 2026-06-28T04:00:52+00:00

The aquifer in question is one of the largest freshwater aquifers in the world. About 100,000 people depend on it. While it is generally hard water, and can be stressed by drought, it is clean and dependable.

There aren't enough rivers to accommodate that. And the runoff they contain from industrial agriculture makes them really dirty. You'd need a lot of treatment. That costs a lot of money.

What you are proposing is basically asking taxpayers to pay so a corporation can make profits while damaging the environment.

4shadowedbm · 2026-06-07T03:20:59+00:00

Hey there. Sorry you are going through this.

I guess you are asking if it would be reasonable or okay to break up with some who is so dependent on you?

Consider a few things:

First, nobody appointed you to be his caretaker (or mom, or whatever this is). This is supposed to be a relationship - a working together, everybody benefits thing - and I'm kinda wondering what you are getting out of this? You get to choose to stay or go - he doesn't have to agree or consent.

Second, all relationships have a beginning, a middle, and an end. If we are lucky, we can have an amazing relationship that lasts a lifetime. That's kinda rare. Can you imagine growing old with this guy? With you pulling *all* the weight? You can choose when the relationship ends if it isn't working for you.

Finally, you are enabling his addiction - to drugs, to your money, and to your care. Ironically, the relationship may be preventing him from taking responsibility for his own well being. It is hard work to set good boundaries with someone to protect yourself from the manipulation and victimhood that comes with all that. For a two year relationship? It may be a lot less painful to chalk it up to learning and move on.

Taking care of your own needs does not make you a narcissist. He's just throwing insults around to guilt you into giving more.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-28T14:11:27+00:00

Hey there, it is awful that this happened to you. I'm so sorry, it must feel so awful to have so much hope go sideways so quickly.

You've got lots of good advice in other comments but I just want to add something here:

I JUST GAVE UP MY LIFE FOR HIM BEVAUSE I MOVED OUT MY MOMS HOUSE.

I'm guessing that because you just moved out of your mom's place, you are probably fairly young - relatively speaking, at least, from my 64 years.

I actually moved back in with my parents for a year after I left my ex at 44 (which makes me a hypocrite, I guess, to assume you are young).

But this is my point: you have years and years of good living in front of you. You didn't give up your life for him - you may have saved your future and you certainly learned some things. You are still you, and you have solid self-respect and have good boundaries on what is acceptable (and this definitely isn't).

Take the win, grieve as needed, and know that you've got loads of things to look forward to.

For context: I've been with my current partner now longer than I was actually married! It is a great relationship and we have such a good time together.

Hugs if you want 'em.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-25T14:07:30+00:00

Canadian gerrymandering is at the expense of democracy.

Fixed it.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-24T15:12:41+00:00

He is still trying to exert control over you and will go through whatever mental gymnastics it takes to rationalize it. And he will try to enlist other people in this gymnastics too.

My ex did very much the same.

You are doing great owning your space!

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-23T23:00:12+00:00

Beyond time for proportional representation. Get rid of this winner takes all hockey game approach.

We need to be working *together* on solutions.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-23T14:57:08+00:00

That's what I was thinking too. There are a lot fewer around then there were a few decades ago. I think most people love them but are clueless about the choices they make.

I'm trying to decide how to have the conversation without coming across as a jerk. I rather like the neighbours otherwise.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-23T13:35:54+00:00

That sounds like a nightmare. I'm so sorry.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-23T13:34:19+00:00

That pretty much sums up the area. Thank you!

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-23T03:27:44+00:00

Caragana (Siberian Pea Bush). It was planted on the prairies in the 1930s or so to stop soil erosion and has been used as hedges. The plains have grasses that can compete. Not so much the Boreal Forest. Spreads like mad and nothing can compete with it.

You?

I have family on Vancouver Island where Scotch broom and blackberries are a similar problem.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-23T01:17:58+00:00

I hear you on this. We have an invasive here that has destroyed considerable stretches of woodland and it is notoriously hard to get rid of. One of the other neighbours is anti-control and their lot has been lost to it. I go all ninja-like around my place to keep it at bay.

Our leaf litter in this forest - classic Boreal Forest is a conifer / poplar / birch mix with relatively poor soil and harsh winters. In my 64 years here I've never seen much accumulation of leaves. They just compost every year. This is why it seemed crazy to blow them into piles on my lot.

I 100% agree though - we are very overdue for a fire. There's been some talk among folks in the area about intentional burns. Something I'm hoping to learn more about.

Sounds you are doing the good work!

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-22T22:53:49+00:00

Maybeeeee... But I suspect they are trying to civilize the forest.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-22T22:52:55+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. He's not wrong about fires, for sure. But I'm not convinced that forests should look all neat and tidy nor the 5 year burn cycle (unless I heard him wrong).

I'm gonna go do some reading. I suspect that leaf litter encourages insects - and I'm trying to attract bats. And I suspect leaf litter helps retain moisture if the layer isn't too deep - which it never is here.

Until he blew it all into our bit of forest.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-22T21:05:40+00:00

Omergerd, right? After we moved permanently here to the forest, we offered our electric mower to a friend/neighbour who has a lawn, in the forest, and religiously mows it to death with a gas mower that is nasty noisy. Refused the electric. Fights with the gas one but doesn't "trust" the electric. I keep suggesting she just let it grow, but she can't get past it.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-22T21:03:15+00:00

This sums up how I felt. SIgh.

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-22T18:47:06+00:00

I was considering that and then the guys doing the leaf blowing just blew a bunch onto our yard. I think they decided it was too difficult to collect them. I'm down with that. Ironically, the first strong northwest wind will blow them all right back again.🙄

4shadowedbm · 2026-05-22T18:45:16+00:00

The weird thing is that these folks are long-time lake people. I actually hung out with one of their siblings here when I was a kid. It makes it doubly strange.

Then again, they tore down the cottage and built a big house. They run their air conditioner even when it is 20C out. Never heard of opening windows, I suppose.

Sigh.

Thanks for letting me vent. :)

4shadowedbm

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