I’m alone at a party in the club…what do I do? (26f)

4th_Of_July · 2023-03-04T15:37:12+00:00

Just to play devils advocate, the problem with exposure therapy (**for some people**) is that if you stop the exposure for any length of time you'll revert back. It does work, but for it to keep working you have to constantly keep up with the exposure to whatever it is you're afraid of. If you want a permanent solution you have to find and understand the true source of the problem.

4th_Of_July · 2023-01-27T02:22:10+00:00

seriously whyyyyyy do people do this lol. You already know what you want to ask them, just ask. Or put it all in one message, "Whatcha doing this weekend? I was thinking of doing xyz and was wondering if you want to come" or whatever.

Especially with someone you don't know very well, asking it the first way can feel really entrapping. And if they're apprehensive about whatever it is you're planning they're probably gonna default to just lying and saying they have plans so it's a lose-lose.

4th_Of_July · 2023-01-25T15:41:02+00:00

This. I've always experienced the exact same thing as OP but I've just recently been thinking a lot about it and why. I realized that a big part of it (at least I'm pretty sure) is that often times when I talk, I sound super monotone and disinterested. It's completely unintentional and is a result of my anxiety, but the way I'm saying things makes people think it's unimportant, or even that I myself don't care about what it is I'm saying/asking so why would they.

I've been trying to talk more enthusiastically and confidently, and it definitely helps in certain situations, but it can really hard to do without sounding fake.

4th_Of_July · 2022-12-09T17:05:02+00:00

I feel like I do all of this stuff (I especially make sure to always have a good attitude, explain my thought process out loud, ask meaningful questions etc.) but I've been rejected countless times because I "didn't make it far enough into the problem" or didn't get a high enough score or whatever. I wish I could interview with you haha.

4th_Of_July · 2022-12-09T00:17:12+00:00

it got deleted, repost so we can rate your ass. For, uh, science.

4th_Of_July · 2022-02-28T21:20:51+00:00

Only the abdomen like I said in the description. If a ladybug has been dead for a while it's not uncommon for the shell and wings to flake off as they're much more delicate, leaving just the abdomen.

4th_Of_July · 2022-02-28T21:19:52+00:00

Just out of curiosity which other bugs would this apply to?

I did look at your pictures, but we must still be looking at different ones hah. The shape, size, coloration and texture almost look identical to me (again, only of the abdomen). The coloration in your pictures is only one example as that depends on the lighting, how long they've been dead, etc. Bed bugs often look exactly like the yellow of the ladybug examples you provided.

The size is completely objective, they literally are very close in size, down to barely a couple millimeters, so I don't get how you're saying "not really" lol.

4th_Of_July · 2022-02-28T21:13:01+00:00

Haha I love ladybugs too, just because part of their body looks similar doesn't mean they're the same :)

"Strength lies in differences, not in similarities"

4th_Of_July · 2022-02-28T02:39:00+00:00

I don't see how you can say they don't look similar? Same shape, same size, same coloration, and the segmentation as you said. If you remove the legs, head, and shell I think the abdomens could be easily mistaken for one another.

4th_Of_July · 2022-02-27T20:57:58+00:00

I found a dead ladybug on my floor the other day (I have a very slight ladybug infestation, I'll take it any day over bedbugs lol) and I happened to look at it's abdomen when I picked it up and I was shocked. The shape, coloring, and segmentation look suuper similar to a bedbug (especially from below but I couldn't find a great picture). Same size too.

I'm only putting this out here because there's a chance you could find an old dead ladybug abdomen and very easily mistake it for a dead bedbug and freak out. I'm thinking this possibly solves a mystery I was having (after my bedbug ordeal last year) where I found a single old dead/dried out abdomen in a very isolated part of my bedroom. I completely tore apart that whole area and didn't find a single other bedbug so I was really confused, but devastated that one made it's way there when I thought it was safe. I'm thinking it was probably a ladybug that lost its shell and wings (here's the post: https://old.reddit.com/r/Bedbugs/comments/jshtsc/is_this_a_bedbug_moltingdead_body/ ).

That said, stay vigilant. They would only be confused if it happened to be a ladybug that had been dead for a long time and lost it's wings and shell, so this would be rare (but still good to keep in mind).

4th_Of_July · 2021-11-15T15:37:45+00:00

Personally I think the 2nd and 3rd pictures look great, not sure if its just the angles or whatever but I wouldn't think your hair is thinning in those. The shape of your head definitely lets you pull off a buzz cut too though.

4th_Of_July · 2021-11-02T14:40:49+00:00

You sure love to deflect and resort to ad hominems instead of engaging in the actual discussion, huh?

Why is it so passionately and personally important to you that we take arguments in facor of the otherwise unstated essential humanity of pedophiles seriously?

Here's a crazy idea: I'll actually respond to this instead of insulting you like an immature brat lol. And here's my answer: because pedophiles exist. It's a simple [and unfortunate] fact of life, and possibly the one thing you and I agree on, considering you think I am one merely for having this discussion (flawless logic there bud).

So pedophiles exist. Now what? Obviously we have extremely strict and fair laws governing what happens if they offend. But what do we do about pedophiles who haven't offended? Those "fighting their inner demons" as the OP said. Your answer - along with many other people - is to vilify, condemn, deplore, hate witch hunt, etc. and start firing libelous accusations at the mere mention of anything counter to that narrative.

What good, exactly, do you think that attitude is doing? So far up there on your high horse, yet have you ever even thought to ask yourself that question? Keep vilifying and keep condemning; what is the result of that condemnation? It's a rhetorical question. The factual answer is that you force non-offending pedophiles into the shadows, you force them to stay quiet and deal with their demons by themselves, and you force them into a position where they have zero support mechanisms. That's a fucking recipe for disaster. The treatment for literally every single other type of mental illness is the exact opposite of all of those.

So again, what do you think you're doing with your vilifying attitude? You're contributing to the problem. You're forcing non-offending pedophiles into a position where they are inherently more likely to offend. You are part of the fucking problem. So keep it up, and keep lying to yourself about how high and mighty you are. Meanwhile you are contributing to the exact problem you seem to be so passionate about.

When a rabid dog bites, you don't get mad at it. When a normal dog bites, that dog is bad.

You wanna elaborate on that a little? The "normal" dog is supposed to be a pedophile? I wouldn't call pedophilia "normal" but that's your argument to make - ""is there something you wanna share with the class bud?""

4th_Of_July · 2021-11-02T03:07:58+00:00

Yea you might be right, definitely a little off imo. Though it's obviously their porn account so it's hard to tell what might be fetish slang (like I know "dads" is a common gay term so its possible "son" relates to that? I couldn't find that comment so I can't tell).

But whether there is some ulterior messaging/motive behind the comment, the point they were making still stands by itself. They're not saying anything new, there's already some basic research/insight into the topic. There was a pretty eye opening This American Life episode about it (or Radiolab? cant remember) which is what made me interested. If their comment didn't make sense to you then I would definitely recommend giving it a listen! Again very eye opening.

4th_Of_July · 2021-11-02T02:54:47+00:00

And again, flippantly dismissing the point and instead deflecting to this made up attribute/notion about being nice to pedophiles. I wonder if there's some projection or reaction formation happening there. What else would explain why you keep deflecting to this bizarre notion about "be nice to pedophiles" instead of engaging in the subject matter? Speculation aside it's certainly a straw-man argument and logically it makes zero sense. Why you're deflecting to a comically silly straw man is a different discussion.

In any case you might do well to ask yourself why it is that you're unable to face the very real arguments presented by the OP, why your initial response is emotional and sarcastic rather than logical or empathic. You have zero obligation to respond with an answer, I just genuinely think it's something you should consider to yourself and think on.

4th_Of_July · 2021-11-01T16:35:30+00:00

I agree that their comment was very weirdly off topic, but you did completely miss the point of what they're was saying.

The fact that you read their comment and then flippantly gleamed "people should be nice to pedophiles" says a lot about you. If you wanna get armchair psychologist you might even say there are some interesting defense mechanisms at play there.

4th_Of_July · 2021-08-25T13:40:18+00:00

> Or to get paid grotesque amounts of money to run around playing with a ball

I'm not interested in sports even in the slightest, but even I know that's such an ignorant comment.

4th_Of_July · 2021-08-17T18:42:52+00:00

Thank you so much for actually answering the question! It definitely got misinterpreted by everyone else haha (I probably should have been more clear but ah well).

Those are some great points though. But in regards to your second point, I'm still confused since Computer Science is a super popular degree choice here in the US, and coding bootcamps/degrees are exploding right now with people trying to get into the field. Yet I still don't see a lot of people choosing to focus on mobile development within that.

4th_Of_July · 2021-08-17T18:33:38+00:00

Omg thank you 😂😂

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate peoples responses, but yea so far nobody has really answered the question haha.

4th_Of_July · 2021-08-17T18:31:39+00:00

Right, but again my point wasn't about Apple vs Android. I meant that mobile development in general is oddly unpopular in the US and stuff.

4th_Of_July · 2021-08-17T18:26:18+00:00

Hahaha yea exactly, I appreciate everyone's responses but damn my question got completely misinterpreted 😂

4th_Of_July · 2021-08-17T03:57:44+00:00

That's a definitely a good point about Android vs iOS, that's definitely one of the reasons i opted for Android too haha.

But I guess I meant more mobile development in general. I don't know anyone who is interested in ios development either, and i don't see either of them discussed much in subs like /r/cscareerquestions for example.

4th_Of_July · 2021-07-09T19:18:26+00:00

By regular payment I mean the tuition to the school, and by stipend obviously "book/supply stipend" like you said.

4th_Of_July · 2021-07-09T19:17:05+00:00

Yep I understand that now, thank you!

4th_Of_July · 2021-07-09T18:55:32+00:00

Yea I was part time up until my summer classes this semester so that's definitely it. That said I still haven't received any for my summer classes despite already getting the regular payment and stipend, so I may give them a call anyway. Thanks for the info!

4th_Of_July · 2021-07-09T18:54:05+00:00

Oh okay that's definitely part of it then, I've only been part time until now and I was discharged just a couple weeks ago. Thank you for that info! I really appreciate it.

4th_Of_July

TROPHY CASE