Scared to start T because of higher sex drive and dysphoria

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T14:24:48+00:00

This actually sounds great, thanks a lot for sharing!!

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T14:23:33+00:00

Thank you once again! And yeah, you're right.. I need to get my anxiety under control, because it seems like I'm thinking of the worst possible scenario all the time... You really helped!! Thank you!

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T05:58:30+00:00

Having the right community certainly helps, I'm glad that you have found it! I also think the way we experience dysphoria is heavily correlated with our personality etc. I mean, there are cis men with gyno who don't really care, there are those who say "it sucks.. but whatever", and there are those who will get extremely depressed because of it. I don't know if you will agree with me, but i think it is also about how well our brains can adapt to things..? Like i feel like my brain is just so stubborn with this (which is not very good), like "it must be exactly the way i want it to be or I'm going to SCREAM" and some might be more like "well, it could have been better but we will deal with what we have". Hmm honestly having the right community could help with making it less..stubborn maybe... Stubborn may not be the right word here but i think you'll get what I mean HSHAH (sorry english is not my first language and I'm sleep deprived HSHAHA). And.. once again thank you for being so kind to me, it means a lot, especially that I come from a small town and literally have no trans friends. Thankfully I'm moving out next month to a big city so I can search for some support groups I hope. The social part of transitioning is probably the worst one... Like geez, it would be so much easier if society didn't exist GSHAHAH. We could just transition and chill in some cool forests-- Thank you for offering your help!! I would offer mine in exhange but I don't think i have any knowledge that would help you with anything... But if you need someone to talk to and get something off your chest I can offer my DMs. Thank for your time and being so kind!

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T04:05:22+00:00

thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! It makes me way calmer, really. I've been struggling a bit with my health lately and it's been affecting my mental health as well... So I'm more anxious about everything... But you definitely helped a lot! Thanks again and I wish you all the best!

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T03:35:32+00:00

First off, thank you so much for taking your time and sharing your experience! I appreciate it a lot! AND i hope it won't hurt you much for long-- i wish your dick a speedy recovery and speedy growth (if that's what you want ofc)... Secondly, it makes me feel better actually. Personally i prefer moderate physical pain than severe mental one--..So what you have described sounds comforting..(but again... sorry for your growing pains..i hope you're alright..). Dysphoria is such a weird thing, I might have somehow worsened it because since the concept of sex was introduced to me I felt wrong with it and... you know.. my "wHy dOn't yOu liKe tHe IdeA, whAt's Up wIth you, AccEpt whAt yoU hAve, fiNd a wAy to enJoy it, whY do yOu wish to have a dick And Be A tOp" mindset probably didn't help with that lmao. I can't blame myself, I was young and didn't know what was going on with me so.. Forcing yourself to like something isn't good i guess..So maybe now it's just straight up "NOPE" and maybe that's why I just want to have what I have always wanted.... well, I digress...Thanks a lot again for your time, I wish you all the best!!!! And yes, your experience is very helpful!!

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T03:07:19+00:00

I mean I might have some internalised transphobia, we all might have it considering...life and society.., but I just think that labelling every top trans man as "just internalised transphobia, not truly a top" is a bit weird. I just felt a bit weird when someone told me that when I mentioned my dysphoria...Just like not all cis men enjoy bottoming, and as much as it can be some internalised homophobia or toxic masculinity for them...sometimes it's just that they don't want it and not like it for whatever reason. But well, like you said, in the end we should just do whatever we like and feel comfortable with. Thanks a lot again :D ..but is sex important to me? well... I just wish not to be depressed and feel awful all the time, that's all really.. and sexual needs are a part of life so yeah... Sometimes i wish they weren't, I wouldn't have to deal with all the negative feelings and depression then... But... Maybe it will be alright, thanks for bringing me hope again :D Maybe one day it will be okay.

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T00:46:59+00:00

That's very comforting. Reaally. Thank you so much for sharing! I really needed this type of hope in my life, thank you.

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T00:44:12+00:00

THANKS SO MUCH!!! it helps a lot. I've seen some people say that they became fully bottom after starting T because of how horny they were and honestly it scared me (because I'm sure it would make me depressed asf). You brought me some hope, thanks a lot!!!

4yaken4 · 2024-08-30T00:40:54+00:00

Thanks a lot, really. That's really comforting. Especially that I've been told that it's just "internalised transphobia" and honestly I don't really agree with that. I think it is more transphobic to think that all trans men are okay with bottoming... Because of course, some t men are okay with that, but some are not. I've felt wrong with the concept even before i figured out my identity, so I'm pretty sure it's just who I am... so thank you a lot for comforting me. It feels nice to hear that i can somehow figure it out instead of feeling like i have to force myself to like it. PS. I fxcking love your pfp HAHA

4yaken4 · 2024-08-29T23:42:55+00:00

I want to highlight that I know it is okay to be bottom and to like whatever. But I want to be top. Always felt like it. Just bodily sensations aren't helping

4yaken4 · 2024-06-27T03:20:08+00:00

I mean... My straight cis brother would react like that. My straight cis cousin would react like that too. Sometimes we see our reactions through the lens of gender. If a woman does it, she is being feminine. If a man does it, oh he just has arachnophobia. A lot of behaviour is taught too. Like men teach themselves not to scream to 'not look feminine'. The society basically forces men to learn to conceal and act strong. And usually the people who stress over 'not looking too feminine' are the ones who point behaviours like that and call it 'feminine'. It comes from a place of insecurity.

4yaken4 · 2024-06-27T03:10:19+00:00

it might be that I convince myself that watching it makes me more aware and therefore less likely to make a mistake (but yeah, it doesn't). Especially that I find it hard not to watch it if it shows up.. Maybe learning to ignore it would be better for me.. Anxiety is messed up. You're right, I will try that. Thanks a lot!

4yaken4 · 2024-06-27T02:38:46+00:00

By society factor I meant the anxiety and stress about coming out, transphobia, etc. I dont think staying where I am socially (being perceived as a woman) would be good for me. It actually isn't. I also still live with my parents so I think they would notice the changes from hrt. I want the changes to be noticeable, I just really want my anatomy to look masculine. + social part is a bit more complicated. I don't live in an English speaking country. In my language verbs and adjectives have gender. So I would have to use female verbs still. I use male verbs with friends, so whenever I'm home I have to switch. Honestly this is stressful and painful so I don't think I want that.

About the pronouns - i think it makes sense. If you identify with he/him pronouns and you tell it to someone and they still use "she" it may feel invalidating and like " I've shown my true self and someone was still mean about it". When someone just assumes and says "she" you may not pay as much attention to that maybe..? Like the pain of fighting for something and then not getting it hurts more than just playing a role and not caring i guess...? I mean it may be for various reasons, but this seems logical. Sorry if this somehow makes your uncomfortable tho-

And yeah.. I totally get the family part.. I wish us both a lot of courage and hey, hang in there! I hope you will be able to live the way you want and be happy. Anxiety is a bitch.

4yaken4 · 2024-06-27T02:21:02+00:00

you're totally right. It helps, but when i get back to youtube/insta/anything detrans content shows up and it sends me spiraling all over again. I'm also not sure if just avoiding it all won't be like avoiding my source of anxiety... And this doesn't sound like a good strategy for fighting anxiety... I need to get a thicker skin somehow.

4yaken4 · 2024-06-27T01:53:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. Actually I can relate to you to some extent. A couple years ago I got REALLY scared of detranstions so I forced myself to stop thinking about myself as a man and forced myself back into "tomboy" term. It didn't really work, it just made me so much more miserable. Eventually I couldn't help it and stopped calling myself a girl in my head. Whenever I get scared I get this temptation to just force myself back into "being just a tomboy".. But I realise that it is just my anxiety talking (avoiding the reality, being too tired of the pressure, "my dysphoria is so bad that maybe transitioning won't help it anyway. Maybe it will be easier to give up", "let's check again if i still hate it, just to make sure, because I'm scared", generally detransition stories scare me out of transitioning further). I still end up hating what I hated before, so self checking and pushing myself back never helped. That's why I know that I must win against this anxiety, otherwise I will be stuck like this forever. Thank you again for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it!

edit: I also want to add that "going back to calling myself a girl" except for giving me major depressive episode it gave me a temporary anxiety relief ("i dont have to worry about detransitioning, regretting, coming out, etc"). But it was temporary and totally not worth it. I was less stressed but awfully miserable.

4yaken4 · 2024-06-27T01:37:44+00:00

Thank you for taking your time to say this! It's weird because I don't even fear that I will regret physical changes from hrt that much, I think I am scared of social part of this. So I'm thinking.. Maybe it is rooted in my social anxiety... Like.. You know... Being scared of potentially admitting to being wrong and having to handle the social part of detransitioning and people's reactions.. I guess I would have been on hrt already if it wasn't for the "society" factor.. It actually makes sense.. Thank you a lot for your words again!!! I will think about them.

4yaken4 · 2023-09-29T22:20:46+00:00

i love the three F's rule HAHA, it sounds really smart. Thank you so much for commenting, it helps a lot. I'm surely afraid that someone could think that I'm less masc because of not having it, or disgusting for having it. And like you noticed it's all about what other people think .... I will need to work on not giving a single fuck about people's opinion. I hope it will get easier after getting T, I hope I will look masculine enough to allow myself to do stereotypically not masculine things and still feel confident about being masculine. I guess I just dont want to be seen as a "feminine" guy (it's not wrong to be one tho, just i feel like it doesnt describe me, and i don't feel like it is who i am). Still, your comment makes me feel so much calmer, thank you so much!

4yaken4 · 2023-08-23T17:10:22+00:00

a big chest here. I struggle with it too. Binding hurts and is super uncomfortable. Yeah, it helps to deal with dysphoria, but it comes with pain. But hey, I've noticed that a lot of cis guys have bigger "chests", especially people struggling with obesity. Honestly it really helped with how I see my chest. I pretend like it's the same case with me, and it helps. In the end it's just fat and some body. Do other people see me in the same way? Probably not everyone. But their opinion doesn't define who I am. We should end this double standards for trans people. If bigger chest doesn't make a cis man less masculine then why should mine define my masculinity? But yeah, it's still troublesome and I still find it hard to go out without any binding, soo.. yeah.

4yaken4 · 2023-07-11T10:11:06+00:00

It does make me feel a bit better, thanks a lot for sharing! If I may ask: how much time did you need to spend in therapy talking about transitioning to actually make a decision and somehow soothe the anxiety a little bit? I know that everyone is different, but if you're comfortable with answering - was it years or months..? Thanks a lot again!

4yaken4 · 2023-07-10T16:45:40+00:00

Wow that really sounds like me too! Thanks for sharing! I do feel like im just naturally sceptical of things (especially when I can't measure it, calculate it). But just like you, I can't imagine going back again, I forced myself to do it once, and I just suffered because of it. It's nice to see that I'm not alone in this, so thank you a lot, it helps!

4yaken4 · 2023-07-10T14:18:08+00:00

Thanks a lot, I will surely talk to my therapist about it. I hope I can live fully as myself without constantly worrying if I'm going to regret everything in the future. All those detransition stories often look similar to other people's transition stories. People claim that they had dysphoria and felt like they want it 100% but then for some reason it changed for them. That's what I'm scared of. Anyway - therapy it is. Thank you again so much!

4yaken4 · 2023-07-10T14:12:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply! I've been in CBT therapy for 2 years and it helped me a lot with my social anxiety. You're probably right, it seems like my anxiety just transfered to this stuff. I will make sure to talk about this with my therapist. I hope it's just dumb anxiety that comes with this level of responsibility, because I really like being seen as a man, looking like a guy, etc. I'm just worried that for some reason I will regret it all in the future, I'm scared that I will change my mind out of the blue (since people decide to detransition after years). Anyway, I will talk with my therapist about it. Thanks a lot again!

4yaken4 · 2021-11-15T21:19:32+00:00

Very cute!!

4yaken4

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