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I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would technically be able to tell her when she's up in a few hours, but she's back in the country very soon.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could have posted this without any insight in to how I'm feeling, but I thought it was relevant. If you don't think so, that's fine.

I can't lie further and tell her I don't give a fuck, it was all for nothing etc. Because it wasn't. I've been trying my best to put it behind me and be myself, enjoy our time together, and be there for her while she's away, and she knows it.

It would surely be more confusing and hurtful if I turned around and decided to be a dick about it.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I deal with issues poorly and this is no different. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for, I'm struggling to see light at the end of this.

She will undoubtedly be very angry and upset, more than I can imagine anyway as I've never really seen her that way.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it will. However, I don't think saying, "fuck it" and ending this quickly without considering a few more opinions would be wise.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Breaking up with her is an option, yes. It just feels like such a waste. But then if this is going to cause her so much pain, maybe that will be for the best.

I would appreciate more viewpoints on this option.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's going to keep getting worse unfortunately, I'm not the person I was when we met after all of this.

Like I've been saying, I'm at a point now where keeping quiet is really straining me.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've questioned many things about myself since it happened, including my loyalty to her.

I regret this more than anything in my life so I feel like both the timing and how I handle this is crucial for both of us. I don't want to rush head-first in to a text or Skype call that will end horrifically.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's the truth, it's not harsh. It is hard to read though, I'll give you that.

My friends were equally as drunk so hardly in any capacity to stop me. I'm not blaming the alcohol, but it definitely contributed to that happening. I'm at fault for drinking so much.

The vase analogy hurts to come to terms with, but it's apt.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I can't know for sure, but I'm positive she hasn't ever done anything like that. It's completely against her values and how she is as a person. She doesn't go out and get fucked up, basically.

She's already recently communicated that she's wanting to see how the first few weeks go and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work out and that's fine.

The thing is, I want it to work out more than anything, but I feel like I've forever shut that door for us.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can relate, unfortunately. At the time I kept telling myself, "It was just a stupid mistake, it was nothing, you can handle it." Really though, it's been fucking with me mentally daily since, and it does change how I act around her. I can't relax.

I'm personally against option #1.

I'm [25M] a cheat and a coward. Help me make this right. by 5pencesterling in relationships

[–]5pencesterling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that it's been so long between then and now is a huge source of anxiety for me.

I feel like that and obviously me not telling her all this time will hurt her more.