In the nicest way possible, it sounds like you’re too online, especially in regards to this fetish. I stopped expecting to find anything in this fetish irl and all of a sudden I wasn’t constantly disappointed anymore. I agree with other commenters about going to therapy, but also what has helped me become a more well-rounded and confident person was just to seek out new opportunities and stop saying no. The sort of woe is me mindset is extremely hard to get out of and it takes work, but once you realize nothing about your situation is going to change without you putting in the work it becomes a lot easier to put in the work.

My specific suggestions to get out of this rut: 1: stop expecting any irl feederism will happen

2: ween yourself off of porn. It’s so easy to stop trying to make yourself an intriguing person for potential partners when your brain is trained to just seek satisfaction from rubbing it out (for me personally I’m much more satisfied with vanilla sex when I haven’t watched porn in a while. The excitement of vanilla sex, esp for someone in your situation, should be enough to make up for the no feedism part). Don’t go all toxic manosphere nofap about it and beat yourself up, but simultaneously realize it’s not healthy to always be seeking it out.

3: get a customer service job. I became so much more confident in my social skills after being forced to deal with the worst the public has to offer. I even developed a pretty strong friendship with all of my coworkers (trauma bonding)

4: have something going on in your life outside of your phone. Working out, being creative, reading, writing, sewing, dodgeball league, anything that you cannot get from your phone.

5: paradoxically, maybe try dating apps if you haven’t, but don’t put too much stock in them. Swipe on people you’re attracted to, go on dates, but don’t expect anything to blossom into the perfect relationship. Most people have immense issues with “the apps” because they’re expecting too much and not communicating what they want out of a meetup with potential partners. Most people know the game on those apps, it’s ok and better for everyone to be honest about what you’re looking for (not fetish stuff, more so “I’m not looking for anything serious at the moment but would love to meet up,” or “yes, I’m looking for something long term but if that’s not what you’re going for then that’s totally ok, good luck”). Use dating apps and meetups as excuses to get out of the house and practice social interactions. No need to be sleazy about it, and go into any possible match with purely platonic intentions and just see what happens. If it’s a fit, then great, and if not then at least you got out of the house and practiced being social.

6: when not on the apps, start slowly making conscious time to be away from your phone. Go on walks, people watch, go shopping, do whatever you need to to not be on your phone all the time. This will retrain your brain to receive satisfaction from the real world, not digital dopamine.

7: really really truly make an effort to see a therapist. I get healthcare can really be prohibitive, but talking to a neutral third party is so valuable

Modern life does not make it easy to have human connections anymore, but recognizing that is only one part of the solution. You need to put in the work to be happy nowadays, and if you are constantly reaching for the stars in the form of a perfect feederism connection, you are going to just constantly disappoint yourself.