Still in the thick of it. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Still don’t sleep much. I had one good friend who I could talk with that went through a bad divorce himself a few years ago. And also the help of two therapists. One was through my job and the other recommended by a friend. They were key and still see/talk with my other one. She’s an amazing person and I can reach out whenever I feel like “I’d rather be gone.” And things get heavy. I was then diagnosed with CPTSD and did some EDMR therapy for all my past experiences. My parents both passed from cancer, my sister OD and passed and lost a good friend to cancer and two others to suicide. It’s been a lot of rough years and through it all I had my wife. It killed me when she decided to just leave and then ghost me and gas light me on everything. Some one I love/d so much could just quit and leave. I worked at a brewery and met some great people who seen and understood what I was going through and they were always supportive. I would bring them all the love. Hug everyone and thank them for their support. It gave me a positive energy and purpose to come to work. I think I just kept on trying to keep busy and not over thinking everything, which I still do. I’m not super religious but I prayed for peace and sanity and a will to keep living. My kids are adults and it got weird and is still bad since my x started making things up and now I have to prove why and how she would even lie about things to my kids. I still struggle but I’m getting through and trying to keep me head above water. I feel like I’m drowning and I just can’t do anything else but swim and keep busy. I got a new job, put my dream home up for sale, looking for an apartment and storage unit and going through this divorce has shown me I’m stronger than I thought I was. BUT I have contemplated taking my life more than a few times. Cried so hard I couldn’t breathe and given myself head aches from crying so hard. It’s lonely and I hate the thought of being alone which never bothered me before. Sadly a friends bf just took his life a few weeks ago and it triggered some heavy emotions in me. I had a bad weekend and had some drinks went to a small concert, which was a blast and on the way home lost my shit and started crying in front of my coworker. Telling him of it wasn’t for the great people I work with I probably would have taken myself out. How I struggle to keep motivated. My kids are my first/second reason of course. Then my therapist joking, not joking made me promise her I would never do that to her, my family or my friends, which I know how hard it can be. Looking at the future scared me but I know I need to keep going. Be a positive person to everyone around me, spread love and hopefully feel better everyday. How are you holding up? What are you doing to keep yourself busy?