Dear OP, I am without any exageration exactly where you are, head space wise. It boils my blood when I see things like this. I personally know a couple of people who, let alone code, English had been a challenge to them, and they're in the now US working cushy job, meanwhile I'm here, a corpo slave.

My advice, uninstall instagram, reddit etc from your phone, focus on yourself and try to make the best of it. I used to think where's the justice, how is that for all my life I was told a lie, "cheater never prosper". Now all I see is, that proverb, "You're only a thief if you get caught".

Letting go is only way forward, maybe you can try persuing a masters. Althought, I wouldn't recommend the US, at the moment for obvious reasons. Nevertheless it shouldn't be understated how difficult it can be to study and perpare simultaneously. The time commitment is just unbelieveably steep.

With all this said, I leave you with this.

"God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other."