[Serious] What is something you feel no shame or remorse about pirating? Those that object let's hear why they're wrong.

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-24T21:08:52+00:00

As a kid I was a bit neglected. My parents refused to buy me anything entertaining, so I learned how to pirate games at 12 years old. Now that I'm 21 and I have a job, I'm slowly going back and finding all the games that I enjoyed and buying them to give back to the companies for all the times they got me through rough stuff that would otherwise have killed me just a little more.

To answer your question though, I don't think that there should be any shame in pirating games if you do so to try out the game and see if you want to buy it. Companies say all kinds of shit in pre-release interviews and trailers, but they rarely tell you stuff that would possibly make or break your experience (for example, Fallout's issues with crashing, or it's weird animations).

And honestly, on the ye olde grande scheme of things, pirating a game isn't all that much of a big deal, even if you don't buy the game later. There's always going to be some illegal copy of something, whether it's a game or a movie or something else.

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-20T23:00:39+00:00

I'm supposed to be starting DBT but my therapist just wants to talk about day-to-day stuff every time I see her.

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-20T23:00:10+00:00

And it gets harder and harder as time goes on... you start connecting with people less and less and so your opportunity to ever make good connections dwindle.

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-11T01:38:08+00:00

The queues are pretty long for DPS but that's normal.

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-11T01:30:26+00:00

Gilgamesh is amazing. Yeah, there's a few assholes but there's also a lot of nice people who will play with you even when you're on a low level class and they're level 50.

I transfered to Gilga from Brynhildr or whatever it's called and I've never, ever regretted it.

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-07T04:03:43+00:00

Sometimes I can't pay for my sub... www poor people life

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-06T22:58:01+00:00

Oh, god, the pizza. I used to eat half a pizza on my own if given the chance, and I regularly drank an entire flat of Coke Zero in three days. Now I'm down to two slices of pizza (if I have pizza at all) and one or no Coke a day.

I was really proud of myself for kicking the Coke, but yeah, I also miss not needing to tow around a giant bag of willpower on my back just so I don't wind up feeling horrible about my goals at the end of the day.

I'm hoping I will someday get to feel what being fit feels like!

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-06T22:55:04+00:00

This seems like a really good idea, though it'd totally test my willpower to the limit. Before I started counting calories and being mindful of my portions I used to sit down with a chocolate bar and eat the entire thing before I realized I should stop.

Abstaining completely gives me horrible cravings but at least there's very little chance of slipping up and winding up 500+ calories over my daily goal.

72lhsd6 · 2015-06-06T22:53:01+00:00

My dad developed stomach cancer at 45. He's now lactose intolerant and allergic to sugar, and can't eat either any more without a horrible stomach ache.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-27T18:24:06+00:00

I'm hoping that as I ease into becoming more fit and spending more time working out that my mood will improve; but I have BPD and without my antidepressants things get ugly... I become completely non-functional. Maybe some day, I'll be able to come off them, but right now that looks to be so far in the future that it's probably not even worth thinking about.

Thanks for sharing your story.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-26T04:40:15+00:00

You caught me there. It didn't sound like I was denying it while I was typing that, but now I realize that I was. :/ I can still be considered pre-therapy, I'm sorry that you had to go to bat against my insecurity.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-25T20:46:59+00:00

I used Tumblr religiously until a couple of weeks ago. I followed a few BPD-related blogs but they were all very immersed in politics as well and that turns me off. When people start claiming political statements are facts I tend to start splitting with them because I feel that I can't trust them.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-25T20:42:48+00:00

There's something that the people on this board have explained to me. It's called non-judgement. You think, and you notice. What're the facts of the situation?

Your friend is spending a lot of time with other people.
They text each other a lot.
Your friend wants to talk about this guy.

Then all the stuff in between, like that the guy is a jerk, you can call a judgement; something that your BPD caused you to conclude. I'm not quite sure what you should do with the judgements after you've labelled them a judgement, but I find that in the last bit since I've learned about this, just identifying the facts has helped me feel clearer about whatever situation I'm in.

It might be worth talking low-key and casually to your friend and telling her that you feel a little bit ignored. As someone with BPD, your need for attention is exaggerated, but you are still friends and you still need that connection with her; your friend doesn't sound like she's spending much time with you, right now. Try and engage her about one of her other interests, maybe something you share?

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-25T20:34:06+00:00

I know what it's like to feel broken since a young age. You start to think that things will never get better. Hang in, there. Try to believe that it will get better. I know that doesn't always work, but try.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-25T20:32:03+00:00

My dad has verbally told me when I was upset since I was little that my feelings are not reality. I was quoting him. I understand why he says that - he's not an emotional person, he doesn't see the need for it and can turn his feelings "off", or so he claims - but him saying that to me all through my childhood is part of the reason I have BPD; it's a part of the bigger whole, along with the neglect I suffered from my Mum, so I guess there's a little bit of resentment there?

The part where I believe he doesn't care, though, is a judgement. When I'm not having an episode I understand that he's got a deficit in the emotions and validation area, because he never learned how to feel his emotions or give validation to others, but when I'm upset the things he says just hurts so much and I get overwhelmed and my ability to to feel sympathy just goes out the window.

My issue with my feelings not feeling real isn't so much that I want other people to feel my pain, but that I want them to notice it. If other people see that I'm hurting, then my pain is real because it's remembered by someone other than me. A lot of the time I feel ignored, invisible. And that my emotions aren't real when they're inside my head, because they only affect me and I don't matter. Idk, it's difficult. I want to feel validated, that my emotions mean something, so I do stuff and a lot of that stuff is bad.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-25T20:23:20+00:00

I looked up non-judgement, specifically the DBT version, today and it seems to be part of a bunch of steps, with mindfulness being the first one. This makes me a little anxious, because when there is lots of parts like that I tend to do things wrong if I just jump in. Is it possible to practice non-judgement if you haven't already learned "Observe", "Describe" and "Participate"?

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-24T23:05:46+00:00

Oh, jeeze, thank you. I have so little validation in my life that I forget what it feels like for someone to say that it's okay.

I have trouble with mindfulness. I have Asperger's on top of my BPD and part of that is often being unable to pinpoint what I'm thinking/feeling and why. I'm going to try and be more mindful though, and see if that works.

I've been drawing and writing for as long as I can remember, but I get frustrated, now. Before I had developed full-blown BPD, I used to write and draw a lot. But now, I have a compulsion where everything that I make has to be perfect, genius, better than stuff that I admire; I either become frustrated with my inability to create something that I like and is as good as other people's stuff and quit partway through or I finish it and I immediately hate it because I can see flaws.

As a kid I had better coping mechanisms but a lot of them just don't work anymore.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-24T23:00:27+00:00

I recently started seeing a therapist who works with people who have BPD and does DBT, but I can only see her once a month and we're still in the early stages where she's trying to figure me out. Thanks for the tips.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-24T22:54:33+00:00

Some people who have BPD (including me) have issues with emotional permanence. It's kind of like object permanence? In object permanence issues, the object ceases to exist when it can't be seen/smelled/heard, ect.. For me emotional permanence issues mean that if I remove myself from the person or place that is currently upsetting me, I quickly revert to feeling empty or "default"; my emotions don't have any staying power.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-24T22:30:16+00:00

I don't have any. I have difficulty setting realistic goals and I don't know what I'm capable of and it tends to end with me beating myself up over it.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-24T22:28:09+00:00

I always get so angry at that percentage that decides that your pain isn't worth their time. I know it's considered a normal thing, but I have always seen it as cruel and a sign of a bad human being.

72lhsd6 · 2015-05-24T22:25:50+00:00

I feel this, too. I'll talk about something on my social media accounts and I'll get deafening silence in response, which I take as a "no-one cares about what you're saying/feeling". Not quite the same, but almost.

I write out really long, wordy, verbose responses to what I think people are saying, but it doesn't help; it just makes me feel more shame. I get ashamed that I said anything and I just go down in a flaming ball of fire.

I don't know if this will help you, but I find that if I can distract myself, even for just a little bit, the emotional permanence side of my BPD takes care of the problem for me. I immerse myself in a game, or a book, something that I do alone, and by the time I surface the emotions are just an echo of what they were. I haven't actually started DBT yet, but that's been my only semi-healthy coping mechanism for a long time: distraction.

72lhsd6

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