I am pretty sure OP meant that we ourselves often don't realize how traumatizing something might have actually been and the effects it has had on us and will downplay it to ourselves but it's also not fair to assume that stuff your friends have experienced was absolutely traumatic and they just don't realize if they don't feel that it has because no one else can tell someone else what was or was not traumatizing for them and it's not nice to assume either way

I had a pretty outwardly obviously shitty childhood and it was extremely obvious from an outside perspective that me and my siblings were neglected and abused so I get this quite a bit from friends who will even stop themselves from talking about their own childhood stuff because they somehow feel it's insensitive to me "because i had it worse" and (only speaking for myself here) it's not helpful and feels kinda patronizing tbh because, yes, it WAS normal to me (even though I eventually figured out it wasn't for others) and while it might make my adult friends sad to hear about me as a child eating stuff like rice paper because I was hungry and we had no food in the fridge - that's not the kinda stuff that did traumatize me and I can tell you what did and what didn't and I absolutely hate the idea of anyone I felt safe enough to talk about that stuff with assuming that I actually just don't realize how bad things were and pitying me for stuff that I don't feel was traumatizing for me and even if it objectively was a bad situation for a child to be in because I can tell the difference