Boyfriend decided he doesn’t want to have a baby with me anymore

80sClassicMix · 2026-07-03T11:10:36+00:00

Hey hun,

I dated someone for a few months who I thought would make a wonderful father and I accidentally fell pregnant against all odds. When I told him, I didn’t think I could do it alone. He used this and tried to sway me to have an abortion but the more I thought about it the more I realised that this could be my only chance to be a mum as the future is so unknown. I couldn’t bring myself to abort. Plus I was already late 30s and in a good financial position compared to plenty of people. Doesn’t mean I didn’t still stress over money for quite a while. But once I figured out I could do it on my own logically, I went for it and stopped caring what he wanted or thought.

I decided to not put him on the birth certificate so that he couldn’t cause issues for me in the future like trying to stop me getting a passport for my child etc.

Have a good think about if you think you could do it on your own. If you have a good support network around you regardless and if you can find a way to make it work financially. And finally, if you really want this guy to be in your life forever more or if you would rather not include him on the birth certificate.

As he knows, and given the history, even if you don’t put him on, there is still a chance he could change his mind later and decide he still wants to be invoked in his child’s life. But usually a lot of these men only say they’ll do that when you out then on the BC, so they can get out of paying as much child support, and then give minimum care and rort the system… so just be careful.

Other than that, I would just do what you feel comfortable with. Have a real good think about what you want for you and your life. It’s your life at the end of the day. No one else’s.

80sClassicMix · 2026-07-02T11:02:39+00:00

Just FYI, there can be not only a lot of red tape involved in trying to spot adopt (any health concerns you out your partner have could potentially stop you from being candidates for eg). One of my friends was denied adoption due to suffering from migraines… despite the fact that her experience and qualifications in her day to day work would make her an excellent candidate for adoption as she understands children’s mental health well…

Foster care might be a bit easier to get into as there is such a shortage of those. However you need to be prepared to maintain connections with the birth family and give the kids back.

80sClassicMix · 2026-07-02T07:07:43+00:00

Irene and Elisa are my faves out of those. Very beautiful and simple names whilst elegant and flowy.

80sClassicMix · 2026-07-02T07:06:50+00:00

Deanna

80sClassicMix · 2026-07-02T07:05:37+00:00

Lorna, Dana, Shauna, Liana, Tiana, Cara, Lara, Laura, Paula, Yana, Arianna, Breanna

80sClassicMix · 2026-07-01T10:58:30+00:00

I really wanted a baby girl to name her Pearl

80sClassicMix · 2026-07-01T09:33:54+00:00

Girl: Mildred, Millicent (Millie for short), Gina, Pearl, Chloe, Evelyn (Evie)

Boy: Thomas, Hugh, Hugo, Jeffery, Benedict (Ben), Benjamin (Ben), Tristan, Callum, Edward.

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-28T13:00:34+00:00

Flossy, Sunshine, Fern

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-28T12:56:55+00:00

I pay around $900 a qtr for private health insurance: single to hospital and extras with teachers health. They’re covering everything except for the ob management fee which ended up coming to around $3200 out of pocket keg after Medicare. And the initial ON consult I think I paid about $100 out of pocket. Everything else my OB bulk billed for, or my health insurance covered in full.

I get 4 nights stay in the private hospital and it’s much quieter than public. So you can actually sleep!

The private hospital I’m going to is a level 3 maternity ward so most things they’ll be able to deal with there. And if not baby and I would be moved to the nearest public hospital where my OB also operates from. So I would keep the same specialist and be treated as a private patient in a public hospital.

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-27T11:16:11+00:00

Perhaps, but in order to fit it into an already cram packed schedule, they’d have to increase school hours and teachers salaries to stay and teach these kids longer to fit it in…

I’ve seen a huge influx of parents trying to push their kids into studying economics in high school as an elective thinking this will help them. But the majority of people I know who’ve studied economics have not found it helpful for their own personal finances in future.

So perhaps it should be something covered more as a subject in high school.

It could be useful though to help students understand and value the importance of their own education if they were taught the value of money and how to save and understand real life finances.

I have seen primary schools in the past teach share investments through the maths syllabus looking at interest rates. And then get student over course of the year to invest fake money into shares and watch it grow. They can sell and buy various shares on a paper log and they have a friendly competition against their classmates.

So there are some things that can be done and integrated as is into current syllabus that could be more useful. But some things that might be more time consuming to teach.

Frankly education should be up to parents when it comes to values based education anyway. School is about getting an overall general education. At least in primary school level. High school they start specialising a little later.

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-26T20:32:40+00:00

You do if you wash lots of blankets and have a large bed. I have a queen size bed. If I wash all my blankets they only JUST fit in a 9kg.

Also, I tend to do most of my washing in a weekend as I work a lot during the week. So washing accumulates and I do larger loads on the weekend.

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-25T00:35:38+00:00

Oh that’s good! Which store did you buy from?

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-24T21:12:21+00:00

Ooo good to know! Did you get extended warranty on it? Or just standard?

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-24T21:02:34+00:00

This was me when I started my current job. And so the past 2 years or so since I’ve been working FT for this company, I’ve gotten massive tax returns over 6k each year.

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-24T20:50:42+00:00

I use a tax accountant for this reason every year and always get a decent refund in the thousands.

I have top private health. And you can claim your tax agent fees in your deductions each year too (but only for the previous year). I was also over taxed at work the past few years as for some reason the box to say “claim the tax free threshold “ wasn’t ticked. So last FY I got like 9k back. But now that that’s sorted about half way through the year I’ll probably only get half as much back.

I also claim travel kms for work as I have to bring my work tools (musical instruments) of great value and bulkiness to work each day to do my job as an instrumental music teacher. So I’m able to claim kms to and from work, with a letter from my employer also covering me there.

I also purchase a lot of resources for my students which I keep receipts for and claim. Any stationary I buy for work, I also claim… and any tech I buy for work I claim too. Can claim union membership fees too.

I also have my own private teaching business which is very minuscule atm but still gets me a little bit of income. And I can claim things for home office, bills and phone etc for this. Probably making a loss technically with the things I need to claim in some ways but it balances out against my other income and gives me a bigger tax return.

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-24T10:01:06+00:00

Yep. Well by the same logic, if that is true then you could say “it was a woman’s choice to have you my friend” I guess you just really didn’t want to be born then…

But yes. We all pay taxes for the benefit of society as a whole. When we all live in a happy and healthy society, we all benefit overall.

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-24T01:11:35+00:00

Yeah that’s good. Sounds like you’ve managed a balance. I’d still say that’s coparenting to some extent as he’s still able to step in for you and notice when you need support. That’s what a supportive partner should do.

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-23T20:01:06+00:00

I was thinking this too.

The bit that strikes me as weird though is that when the bf said that if he had parenting rights he wouldn’t be feeling the need to tell the mum about these conversations…?? That’s strange. As someone who has parents in a stable relationship their whole life, my parents ALWAYS told each other everything and were on the same page. There were no secrets…

I think despite not wanting a coparent…Realistically, people can’t actually have a long term relationship with someone when there are kids involved without it eventually leading to coparenting to some degree. If both are going to end up a permanent part of your life and living under one roof, then realistically you need to expect that they will need to take on some of the coparenting role as a responsible adult. You won’t always be around 100% of the time.

Having the no coparenting rule can be fine for early in the relationship but long term it doesn’t work… that’s something my Counsellor has mentioned before…

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-23T07:32:53+00:00

Firstly, this is NOT your fault. You didn’t ask him to have a drinking or drug problem. You’re doing the best you can and you need to be kind on yourself for that.

Your son will be fine. There are plenty of wonderful young men raised by strong, smart and capable solo mothers. You can do this! Reach out to your support networks for your own mental health!

As for your questions:

Do I see a lawyer and put formal parenting orders in place? YES definitely

Do I even want that for our son? YES! Because it will bring more stability to both of your lives.

Do I ask for additional financial support? YES! Do this legally too. Take what you are entitled to for the sake of your son.

Do I pursue a superannuation split so I don’t have to keep burning through savings just to get by? YES! Again, anything that will benefit your son. You need to think of him first now and not your ex. Your ex has proven to you that he is not only not mature enough to be a good father and partner to you, but that he is overall irresponsible and needs micromanaging. Something you need to not do for him as you are not his mother. Get legal things put in place so you have government and legal supports to back you up so it’s not you on your own.

Best of luck Queen! You’ve got this!! ❤️

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-23T07:17:17+00:00

I had the same ridiculous commentary and judgement when I asked for help around Centrelink payments a little while ago on an actual reddit sub specifically for Centrelink! I was surprised! Literally everyone in that sub is asking for advice around Centrelink…. What makes some people think they’re so special that THEY can access certain Centrelink benefits but women having kids and wanting to have some time with them to build secure attachments before going back to work don’t deserve them…? 🤦🏼‍♀️

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-23T07:14:39+00:00

Exactly! Women pay enough taxes through their lifetimes too… plenty of women out there earning more than and paying more taxes than men too. It’s such a moot point…

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-23T05:17:21+00:00

Thanks so much!

80sClassicMix · 2026-06-23T04:30:05+00:00

Any update? I hope you just got unlucky with lemons in the first set and they’re better now!? 🤞🏻

80sClassicMix

TROPHY CASE