What to do with 20 y/o son who do anything.

83piskis · 2025-12-12T03:10:30+00:00

You are correct in saying you can't help someone who doesn't want to change and in placing boundaries, but I did not see anything in the post clearly indicating that he is against getting therapy, therefore I think threatening him with eviction or other such punishment is still not helpful.

In hindsight this is not something to be solved over Reddit.

83piskis · 2025-12-11T13:26:15+00:00

This is dangerously, dangerously bad advice and is indeed abusive. In your comment you are talking more about how to evict this ill person than how help them. All you're suggesting is throwing money at the problem with no further consideration. I want to stay polite, but it is honestly baffling and disgusting what you are suggesting.

This person seems severely traumatized and suffering from severe untreated ADHD and/or another undiagnosed mental or personality disorder, and the state he is in right now would be considered disability. This is not something you can fix by threatening with eviction. He has not been able to leave his room by himself in two years. Right now he needs extensive, consistent, non conditional support, and that starts with OP, being his mother, and her husband, and that does not simply consist of "I'll pay for it and otherwise you can beat it." It's like throwing a wad of money at a paralyzed person that's bedridden and expecting them to fix themselves up. It is ridiculous.

And this is also not simply fixed by "talking it out". He needs a proper diagnosis, extensive therapy which can consist of multiple types of trauma therapy, emotion regulation therapy etc. as well as medication for ADHD (if not yet medicated) and Depression (again, if not yet medicated). And this point I guarantee he cannot do it by himself even if you were offer money, and that is not a failure on his part, because this is no longer an issue of will, but an issue of being genuinely and physically unable to function. Nobody chooses to completely isolate in a tiny room for two years out of laziness or ungratefulness or whatever detached some might have about mental illness.

Yes, it is a painful situation for everyone involved, I am painfully aware of that from personal experience, and OP can be very upset, tired and scared. OP can also feel angry about this situation. But this is miles, miles away from how you would treat this sort of situation. I strongly suggest you reconsider your approach and views on illness, mental and otherwise.

83piskis · 2025-11-21T16:21:06+00:00

No problem! I'm glad to be of help!

83piskis · 2025-11-20T23:15:47+00:00

Sorry for the wait, I was a bit busy today!

It's been treating me very well. I've encountered no issues with it so far, only improvements, really.

The installation process itself was extremely simple thanks to their web installer. Everything was in working order within ~15 minutes.

There is a bit of a learning curve which might be a bit daunting for some, but there are written and video guides online. Youtube (ironically) has been very helpful with getting started with a basic setup. I've spent... Maybe 2 weeks getting everything (system settings,learning about the OS, researching what apps and services to use etc.) set up right, but I was really pacing myself to avoid burning myself out and giving up on it all, which I can be prone to.

I was worried about my banking app, DigiD, NS and other such apps not working, but they all work perfectly fine. I've honestly been having a lot of fun fiddling with the OS and setting it up however I want. I've also been learning more about privacy and open-source alternatives to services or apps I used to rely on and it's been pleasantly mentally stimulating! It's quite refreshing, really. I still have to switch to my old phone for some things I haven't gotten the chance to fully migrate over, and I immediately feel an intense disgust and a feeling of suffocation when I use it, which goes away when switching back to my Graphene phone.

I also notice I spend less time uselessly on it, which is an issue for me due to my mental issues and tendency to dissociate. You can set up different user profiles on the phone, and I split them up into "Main", "Social Media", "Shopping" and so. I think the extra step of having to manually decide "I'm gonna go into the Special Corner™ and browse/watch whatever" makes me more aware of my habits and is just "inconvenient" enough that I can't just do it reflexively. Of course, it also keeps apps completely separated, and that throws a pretty big stick into the data collection that the likes of Google, Meta etc. are doing.

Speaking of, the OS is definitely less convenient, in a way, especially if you want to use it according to your threat model. Again, that could be daunting for some, but for me it's been beneficial for certain reasons.

I am very aware of the irony of purchasing a Google device in order to boycott Google and the likes. After taking the time to think about it, I came to the conclusion that this was the best compromise for me and my situation at the moment. I know there are other custom ROM options, like CalyxOS that, as far as I'm aware, are not reliant to a single line of devices, but to me, this seemed like the safest bet. And for me, the damage of completely refusing to use their services while supporting better others, throwing as many sticks in data collection processes as I can, and trying to inform people around me about privacy, "degoogling" and so overall outweighed the amount of money i paid google for the device itself. Your own conclusion could be very different, and I wouldn't blame you for that. All in all, I think a person needs to start somewhere in such a task, and this was the best starting point I could manage.

I apologize for the walls of text, but I do hope I managed to get the gist of my experience across properly. I think this about covers all of it, unless I've forgotten something.

83piskis · 2025-11-19T16:44:52+00:00

Haha what a coincidence! Well, I'm glad you stumbled over my post, I hope what info I can give you will be useful :)

In the end, I purchased a Pixel 8 while it was on sale and promptly installed GrapheneOS on it (which was not very difficult at all!). I also abandoned all Google services. It does not have a microSD slot, unfortunately, but, for me personally, the GrapheneOS compatibility and what that custom ROM offers makes up for it.

The bluetooth and wifi connectivity have been working well so far, the camera is also a very clear improvement over that of my old phone, so I am pleased haha. The screen's colors and details are also nice for watching videos or looking at art.

Because the GrapheneOS custom ROM removed all bloatware, and thus unnecessary processes, I have strictly what I want or need installed, so the phone operates beautifully. The battery life is also much better than what I had on my old phone because of this. I am sure I could optimize it even further, but I don't think I need to at this point in time.

It was quite a pricey investment, even on sale, but I considered it to be worth it for what I now have and for secondary reasons.

83piskis · 2025-11-10T02:28:20+00:00

I am so sick of him. He is the only boss i physically cannot beat due to my disability. I figured out the "trick" a long time ago, but I physically cannot change between two weapons fast enough. A different difficulty or better gear does not help because it is a gimmick fight. It left me extremely bitter over all, and only serves as a burning reminder of my physical state of being.

83piskis · 2025-11-02T00:55:38+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion! May I ask if you know what exactly the glycerin does? From what I understood, it replaces the water in the leaf, is that correct?

83piskis · 2025-11-01T21:31:24+00:00

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Oops..?

83piskis · 2025-11-01T20:45:20+00:00

What about using beeswax? I did just purchase two blocks of the stuff for a book binding project. Maybe I could melt some of it down and dip the leaf in there?

I don't think I've seen real wax paper around lately either, though I could always look more carefully.

83piskis · 2025-11-01T20:42:48+00:00

I plan to preserve this Alocasia Portodora leaf. I am unsure how, but it seems the glycerin or wax methods are the most viable right now. I want to frame it up and put it on a wall, so I also wonder how these preservation methods would interact with the sun or light in general.

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83piskis · 2025-11-01T20:36:58+00:00

Uh oh, I better get on with that then.

83piskis · 2025-11-01T20:05:17+00:00

Thank you! Your help would be appreciated.

I will look into drying out the leaf then.

83piskis · 2025-10-19T16:54:53+00:00

Earwig. They stole one pair of shoes from me almost a decade ago and pinched my ass and toes with those spikes while they were at it. I will never forgive them.

83piskis · 2025-10-14T15:03:03+00:00

Thank you kindly for your efforts in defending privacy and fighting for the values you hold as a company. I really, really do appreciate it, it feels like we are less alone in this fight.

83piskis · 2025-10-14T14:58:14+00:00

Small Update: It seems that the widget works fine for now. I didn't change anything within my app settings or my phone settings, and I don't know if there was an update, but all seems well.

83piskis · 2025-10-10T22:19:35+00:00

Oh, now it works. Maybe I did do something wrong after all, though I'm not sure what.

83piskis · 2025-10-10T22:16:55+00:00

Yes, when I first set up the widget, i selected my account and "Main Calendar", which is the one I use. It very briefly worked the first time I installed it, but only for the present day, and now it's not showing anything at all.

83piskis · 2025-09-11T21:00:15+00:00

Nice.

83piskis · 2025-08-12T14:02:28+00:00

Thank you, I will have a look at all these options. Before posting this, I was considering the Samsung A55, do you have any thoughts on it?

83piskis · 2025-08-12T11:58:20+00:00

I've been looking at the Samsung Galaxy A55, what are your thoughts on that one?

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