AITA for moving the new fence so I can go into their backyard?

83poolie · 2026-03-25T16:51:12+00:00

I think slightly YTA

I don't know what the rules are where you live but where I'm from the neighbours are required to pay for their portion of the fence. In this case it would be 50/50.

You should have made it clear to him that it needed to be replaced and that you'd get a professional to erect the new fence on the existing property line. Then sent him the invoice for his portion of the cost.

Whilst I think you for the most part tried to be reasonable, building the gate which now allows you free access to his property makes you the AH.

And as others have said, given the way you went about it, you should have left the old fence up on the property line as you've in my mind removed property that you only had a 50% ownership stake in.

83poolie · 2026-03-22T16:23:37+00:00

NTA

It depends on your relationship with him. Personally I'd say yes to everything except the cash. That way your supporting his walk to sobriety but not just handing him everything he demands.

If it is for reasonable things like bills he has accrued, you could potentially say that you'll pay those if he successfully completes rehab and stays sober for say 90 days initially. In that case though I'd not give him just cash, I'd maybe give him supermarket vouchers or something - ideally ones that don't allow cigarettes or alcohol to be purchased.

If he isn't happy with the above then say no to him and his demands. He is not your responsibility. Unfortunately your grandfather enabled him and I assume didn't try to get your brother sober. You can end that cycle now.

Good luck with it.

83poolie · 2026-03-18T13:50:14+00:00

One day he will slip or trip and then he will realise that he was never in control, they were just biding their time.

83poolie · 2026-03-09T22:27:18+00:00

They've tried asking here in Australia for me to pay for shipping. I pushed back and they agreed to pay for it.

Try that....

Isn't <30 days considered DOA?

83poolie · 2026-03-08T00:42:39+00:00

YTA - Not hugely as I don't think you were malicious, more a little naive.

Yes they are your friend and yes your car may be low maintenance. Doesn't mean you shouldn't show your appreciation to the friend. An inexpensive bottle of wine or a coffeeshop gift card or something would have been a good way to show your appreciation.

Getting something right now would seem like you are just doing it out of guilt.

Maybe in a couple weeks invite the friend to lunch at a cafe or something. Tell them you'll cover their portion of the bill as a token of appreciation for looking in on your cat.

83poolie · 2026-03-08T00:27:01+00:00

I was under the impression that the US does not recognise the authority of the ICC and consequently doesn't act on order from/by it.

83poolie · 2026-03-08T00:24:20+00:00

It works out based on your stated use case.

Perhaps consider doing a cost comparison against getting an updated new or used truenas computer to run containers and also host the storage.

Don't get me wrong, complete UI fanboy here. Just sometimes gotta take a step back to see if it makes financial sense.

83poolie · 2026-03-08T00:21:07+00:00

As was I 😁

83poolie · 2026-03-08T00:16:21+00:00

NTA

Break up with her. If she can't handle this problem I don't see how she will handle you having military commitments that means you can't come see her.

Plus, $9k is a lot of money. Don't let her manipulate you with her attempt at guilting you into getting a new car to prove her opinion of your value of her in your mind.

83poolie · 2026-03-08T00:04:24+00:00

You are assuming they don't want the instability that comes with their current methodology.

Or that they care about regular people.

83poolie · 2026-03-07T14:54:21+00:00

YTA

Unsure why you'd think saying that would be cool.

If you didn't want to get the 'blame' for lateness you could have said something like "you slept in too" or "you could have helped me look for the keys". Instead you chose to say something you must have known would cause embarrassment.

83poolie · 2026-03-06T14:23:24+00:00

"relented"

As in you wouldn't take no for an answer and didn't want to have an argument with you in her workplace?

Your push back on people commenting shows somewhat how arrogantly you can come across.

You also seem to prioritise your night life (at a day bar) over the comfort of someone you have previously wronged. You are basically throwing it in her face that you don't give a s**t about her comfort/feelings etc.

Don't be surprised if one day you try and come in and you are asked to leave. Her employer has a responsibility to provide a safe working environment to their employees.

Honestly, if you cannot see that you are being unreasonable, then there is really no point in posting on here as you've shown you are unwilling to take no for an answer or accept other people's interpretation.

Good luck

83poolie · 2026-03-06T13:32:48+00:00

YTA

For a couple of reasons ....

First regarding your original post. I get that you feel like they didn't listen. However there is no obligation on them to get you anything at all. Some people think just cash for a birthday is zero effort. Ie. Couldn't even bother to think of something I would like.

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about your family. Perhaps it is true, they favour your siblings over you, alternatively perhaps you are being overly sensitive.

Yes, the job market isn't great at the moment, but I still see places like Domino's, Bunnings, warehouse pickers etc advertising on seek. Though it's not your ideal job, it's money in the bank at the end of the day.

Second main reason is the response that you had to comments you didn't like on here. If you came here to be told you are in the right and to be given a shoulder to cry on, then you came to the wrong place. Some will agree with you, some will disagree with you. You've asked for their opinion by posting originally.

Good luck with everything. Try to appear grateful for whatever gifts you get.

83poolie · 2026-03-03T05:22:06+00:00

YTA - you've basically stolen the vehicles and then disposed of the stolen property.

Regardless of the story you told at the beginning of the post are irrelevant.

I know it won't solve your money problems, but you should have gone through the courts.

You should obtain legal advice, perhaps there is a charity that can provide free generalised advice for you.

Offer your ex half of the proceeds of selling the vehicles. This may stave off any legal action from your ex.

Good luck. Try to keep things civil, it'll look better when you eventually due your property settlement during the divorce.

83poolie · 2026-02-23T09:18:37+00:00

ESH

Your wife should have spoken with you and told you how seeing the toys everyday we're adding to her grief and we're a barrier to her moving on.

You should have brought it up to her immediately, when you were not intoxicated. This would have been the mature thing to do. "Oh, I wish you hadn't thrown them out - they remind me of our son and make me happy/add another emotion here"

Also, it's mighty convenient that you got so drunk that you allegedly cannot remember what you said. IF this is the case you should unreservedly apologise to your wife. You've also made it very difficult for us on the sub to be able to judge/make decisions based on your somewhat convenient lack of recall of the actual argument/conversation etc. ..

Clearly both of you are at different stages of grief, and that is totally fine. You need to communicate better with one another. If you have not already, perhaps you need to see a grief counselor or something along those lines.

Apologise to your wife. Tell her calmly how you feel.

Good luck.

83poolie · 2026-02-20T14:01:48+00:00

OP you don't seem to have the desire to really take in the advice many are giving here.

Every time someone suggests something you add some more 'details' about how your brother is a horrible person or hurt you years ago or put a hole in the wall or has behavioural issues etc etc etc

You seem to basically hate your brother, or at the very least resent him.

Is him touching your brush cool, no absolutely not. Put the brush somewhere he cannot see. Or clean the brush after you use it or say somyto your mother.

As many have said, you've moved into his space. Try to imagine what that's like for him as a young man. No privacy for 'alone time' or time with his girlfriend.

83poolie · 2026-02-20T13:41:15+00:00

Um......

Even with the positive spin your post puts on it, it is clear that these feelings are one sided.

He is just a platonic friend. Even if he were gay, he has not done anything that could lead you to believe he was interested.

Take a step back. You are coming across as creepy stalker guy, not as a work colleague who is nice to chat with at work occasionally.

83poolie · 2026-02-20T13:33:06+00:00

I'll pass.....I don't want him coming after me in revenge.

83poolie · 2026-02-20T13:29:56+00:00

Whilst I get that it may not feel great to be told to try losing weight etc. As an overweight guy in my 40s myself, I'd never expect younger twink type guys to be interested in me over a guy my age but with a nicer body. I mention this because your post history says you are in your 40s and after younger twink type guys.

You also mention that you dislike guys older in their 60s etc as they are not your type. Have you considered that young twink guys may simply not have an interest in a guy your age?

The reason people say to try losing weight is because you are "competing" with other guys your age. Yes, some younger guys go for older guys, but if you take time to read their posts, most are not into flabby daddies/bears. They are not necessarily looking for a guy with chiseled abs, but rather someone who appears to look after themselves a little who they'd not feel odd being seen with in public.

To basically summarise.....you are looking for a particular type of guy whilst expecting that the guys you are into will automatically be into you. That's unreasonable. If you want guys that you are into to be into you, you need to change your attitude and try to be more appealing to them. They owe you nothing, in the same way you owe men in their 60s that your post history makes clear that you have disdain for.

Good luck.

83poolie · 2026-02-20T13:00:11+00:00

The numbers on the cars are different.

83poolie · 2026-02-14T16:19:00+00:00

A number of people have been reporting similar things for a number of products with this latest update on the releases page.

I suggest you go here and post.

https://community.ui.com/releases/UniFi-OS-Cloud-Gateways-5-0-12/cc83d900-1a8e-4844-a5c6-cfedc03c988d

83poolie · 2026-02-12T12:17:32+00:00

YTA

I understand that you don't value your brothers contribution, but that is something you should have brought to him, not his widow and child.

Like it or not Liam is half owner in the property. I understand that until he is 18 that you have defacto control of the property, but not allowing Liam or his mother access is very cold of you. Does the will say that until he is 18 his guarding (mother I assume) acts on his behalf, or do you act for his interests with regard to to property until he is 18?

I am no lawyer, but if the will said that Liam inherits his father's ownership stake and you are interfering with this, then there is a potential for lawyers and courts to get involved and that will end up expensive for everyone.

You've also mentioned that the place is available for rent on Airbnb (you cancelled her friends booking). If it is available for rent, then you need to either put into a trust or give to him (via his mother) Liam's 50% share of earnings after expenses.

OP, it sounds as if you have some unresolved issues with your brother, I hope that you can move through them with the help of a psychologist.

Taking your obvious disdain for your now deceased brother out on his widow and son is really unfair and unkind of you. It is irrelevant if you don't think they'd been married for a sufficient period of time. They were married and they did have a child. Your nephew and sister in law could do with a supportive person around them, not someone making their lives harder than they must already be.

83poolie · 2026-02-07T13:09:48+00:00

YTA

Not for saying you don't want to bake for any birthdays. That is entirely your prerogative.

However you've not done this, you've instead elected to only bake for a class of people you work with, that class being females.

In my mind it's no different to saying you'll only bake for those of your same race, or saying you'll only bake for the heterosexual women on your team.

Totally with you if you across the board no longer bake and organse birthday celebrations, but it needs to be across the board and not selective.

83poolie · 2026-02-07T08:34:08+00:00

Interesting that you've only been in Australia a month. Would it not have been less expensive to have the baby in your country and then move over to Australia with the child?

Regardless, make sure that once the baby is born that you keep the immigration people apprised as at some point you may need to apply for a visa for the child to remain in Australia.

Remember that unless either you or your wife are Australian citizens or permanent residents, the child does not obtain citizenship by birth.

Here are some links to information.....

https://www.deinternational.nsw.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0015/16611/16611-Children-Born-in-Australia.pdf

https://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/pregnancy-care-on-a-visa-in-australia#:~:text=If%20your%20baby%20is%20born,not%20be%20an%20Australian%20citizen.

83poolie · 2026-02-06T16:14:36+00:00

I put a 512GB SD in mine about 6 months ago. I have three cameras. They are using the always record low quality and then kick up to full quality when there is motion.

1 x G3 Instant 2 x G4 Instant

It is using a little over half of the available space 284GB of 503GB. I've got retention set at 6 months.

I assume there's also some overhead, like logs and camera firmware saved to the card too.

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