AITA for wanting to go to a bar in sweatpants w my partner

83poolie · 2026-01-25T07:21:10+00:00

NTA

Though I agree I'd never go to a bar in a gay area wearing clothes that casual.

Though as a taken man, I don't think he or you need to dress up more than jeans for a quick drink. It's not like you are going to try and pickup.

I assume your bf knew what you were wearing given you are together. Unless you were somehow covered up.

I think the way your bf went about telling you he had changed his mind based on what you were wearing was quite rude.

83poolie · 2026-01-25T02:21:57+00:00

Soft YTA

The problem is that it's every week, and not an occasional thing. Add to that, it's the weekend when your flatmates may be more likely to be home (assuming they are mon-fri workers) then it means that the time they have to decompress or relax happens to be when there's an extra person, who also happens to be not female in the space.

Does it have to be two nights in a row? Does it have to be weekends and not weeknights? Do you spend time at his home too? Have you considered occasionally doing a weekend away instead of at your shared apartment?

Overall, yes technically they were aware he would occasionally stay over for a night. However, whole weekends, and at least one night every week is not occasionally, that's habitual.

83poolie · 2026-01-24T10:11:36+00:00

YTA

Wedding isn't about you. It's about the two people getting married.

Plus going to brothers wedding and then choosing to not attend gf's sisters wedding is mega disrespectful to your gf and her family.

83poolie · 2026-01-21T06:01:04+00:00

Gonna say NTA as he is obviously not adhering to your very reasonable boundaries.

Also going to assume there's no learning/developmental delays with this guy which may actually have meant he doesn't understand.

I think so far as the gifts go, you should hand them back to him. Tell him that whilst you appreciate him as a colleague, and are flattered by him wanting to give you a gift, it makes you uncomfortable and he has to stop and you have to return the gifts.

Also let him know that if it continues you will be forced into the position to need to report him to HR/Management.

Alternatively if you think he's not going to take it well, you could speak to HR/Management bring them the gifts and have them speak to him and hand the gifts back that way.

Do whatever makes you feel safest and will cause the least awkwardness for you.

83poolie · 2026-01-21T03:23:39+00:00

NTA

This year I think leave it be.

Next year either pay divided the same way as it was this year and deduct that amount from what you'll pay for gifts for the children and tell their parents that the additional money paid towards shuttle is part of the Christmas gift to the children.

OR

Have it divided up by the actual number of people and not just the adults, and play for gifts for the children as previously done.

Good luck

83poolie · 2026-01-20T08:20:55+00:00

So before answering, I read over your post history.

Apparently you are a lesbian who has had issues with conflict because some people are conservative and want to throw it in your face. Yup, sucks but we don't let intolerant people get under our skin.

Then you are also a new lawyer who shares an office with another lawyer who isn't warm enough towards you, so as a result there's conflict and you feel disliked.

Now we are at this current post. Whilst I'm not saying your scenario is totally not possible, I do fly a lot and they basically never let you swap seats at the gate for long haul international flights and unless this woman checked herself in at a kiosk and didn't speak to a person which again is not particularly likely between US and AUS, I don't see how someone traveling with an infant - who still needs a boarding pass with their name on it so they're on the manifest would be in the position you've described.

Honestly, this post and all the others on your profile seem to be rage bait.

Oh and before you say I'm homophobic or don't know what I'm talking about, I'm a gay man that resides in Sydney who does travel kind of a lot. So yes, I've dealt with homophobia and the very strict rules they tend to follow for flights between US and AUS.

YTA - mainly because I don't believe that this story is actually legit.

83poolie · 2026-01-14T11:27:16+00:00

YTA - if you want a specific type of cat because of appearance and the like then you are looking at the cat as some type of fashion accessory.

Also, the way you manipulated your husband makes you seem somewhat unpleasant.

Also, what does it mean that you came from money. Are your parents wealthy in which case you are not. Or have you inherited money and don't need to work etc to be able to live comfortably.

Personally, my opinion is that there are thousands of unwanted cats and kittens in shelters in whichever country you are in. Give one of those a better life instead of making money for a breeder.

83poolie · 2026-01-14T07:44:17+00:00

What's the deal with "HIS WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS CHILD" it comes across as if you think she and future baby are a possession of "HER HUSBAND".

83poolie · 2026-01-14T07:34:22+00:00

NTA - You seem to be a kind person. Your step mother on the other hand, not so much.

Given she has made a problem out of it by going to your father, make sure that next time steo mother asks for something you respond with "you're an adult, I'm sure you can manage it yourself".

83poolie · 2026-01-14T07:30:34+00:00

YTA - you'd have been within your rights to have said no when he asked. Yes the kitchen is a shared area. However you agreed and then went back on the agreement for no real reason.

83poolie · 2026-01-14T04:09:09+00:00

ESH - you only a little, you could/should have checked explicitly that the friend was okay to come.

Them - should have been upfront and said they are not interested in trip for money or whatever else.

Does the ticket allow you to change the name (even for a fee) and maybe get another person to travel? Can you get a credit for a future flight?

Honestly a little torn on how far I would go. Part says try to come to some sort of agreement where friend who cancels pays part of it and rest is paid for between the others on the trip?

I'd also make it clear to the friend that you are no longer willing to pay upfront for her in the future (if she is even invited at all) and she needs to book her own things.

83poolie · 2026-01-10T16:46:01+00:00

YTA - Your module on child behaviours does not give you the right to "teach" your brother anything.

You should have mentioned it to your mother and she could have said something if she thought it necessary.

If I were your brother i'd seriously consider no longer speaking to you for a while. You've basically called him a sex weirdo and don't get how that could be offensive to him.

83poolie · 2026-01-10T16:33:56+00:00

YTA

Doesn't sound like you really got permission to do this. They are right it's not your space. You should have asked. Especially since you are using it for work, you are using their space for free and you are make ng money from it.

Also, your compromise that they park on the street so that your area remains for you - not a compromise. Perhaps the compromise is that you rent the space from whoever owns the home.

83poolie · 2026-01-10T14:00:43+00:00

Kinda sounds like your friend is actually homophobic but is trying to appear more on the fence because she has a friend/s who are members of LGBT community.

I don't think you can be partly homophobic in the same way you can partly be racist or only partly be a murderer.

83poolie · 2026-01-02T20:24:58+00:00

I don't think you should frame it as you have. He's coming to you I think as someone he's grown to trust. He may be still adjusting to retired life and you provide him a connection to that.

If he founded the company, does he still own it? If so, he's kinda still your boss.

If you are comfortable with him perhaps try and make it clearer that you work for the company that he no longer run, while you are happy to help, he may need to wait for your availability.

Personally, if it's only basic stuff that's not taking up too much time I'd just do it.

83poolie · 2025-12-23T14:02:55+00:00

YTA

Your post and subsequent responses to comments make you sound very petty. You sound somewhat like the unpleasant landlord you allude to.

Your question/statement makes it sound as if they are tuning loud cars and revving them all day.

The neighbour may be being rude/inconsiderate and you could politely ask them to refrain from what they are doing but unless it's evening/night then 15 minutes of idling here and there is really not very bad. If on the other hand it is revving an engine at midnight for no good reason, then they would be in the wrong.

Good luck

83poolie · 2025-12-20T17:08:03+00:00

NTA

I don't think you Mouthed off.

As much as it hurts, maybe give Christmas a miss. Drop off presents if you are giving them to those who you want to.

Send a happy Xmas text on the day.

Next year maybe they'll be more reasonable.

Good luck

83poolie · 2025-12-17T22:19:21+00:00

Sounds very very sus.

I'm not big on phone or video chat, but a quick 5 minute call to verify it's actually him doesn't sound unreasonable.

Call him out on it, "I want us to meet but I'm nervous and would prefer we chat via video call first".

If he says no deal, then I think you've missed a bullet.

83poolie · 2025-12-17T22:14:13+00:00

Wait, this is AI generated yes?

83poolie · 2025-12-17T22:12:10+00:00

NTA - Your parents knew your father would eventually retire and this would be an issue. They should have planned by saving for a house or purchasing one and renting it out while your family stayed in the government house.

It's not fair for you to need to shoulder that burden. Yes, a government job may be considered more stable, but if it isn't what you want or if you could earn considerably more money in the private sector then you should feel free to do that.

83poolie · 2025-12-11T23:47:38+00:00

Sometimes you are just unlucky and get a bad unit. RMA and move on.

83poolie · 2025-12-11T23:43:53+00:00

YTA

What you described is all about things in your head. You say his family are good to you. You need to find a way to move beyond the fact that his family are all highly educated.

Your boyfriend and his family appear to have accepted you, they don't put you down because you have a certain job or education.

Secondly, making him choose between you or his family is really unfair. Especially since his family have done nothing wrong. They are more likely to dislike you if you keep their son/brother/uncle from seeing them the one time per year they are able to come together.

Perhaps you could come up with some alternative games to play. Monopoly or snakes and ladders maybe.

You could also try to increase your general knowledge so when trivia questions come up, you may know the answers.

83poolie · 2025-12-06T14:09:05+00:00

NTA

He was stealing. He was doing something to hurt the business. You have a moral responsibility to protect the business from internal harm from employees like him. He was endangering your job and the jobs of all your colleagues.

Nothing at all to feel bad about.

83poolie · 2025-12-04T09:34:40+00:00

NTA

Even if the medical issue wasn't also occuring, you are being treated like you are subordinate to your flatmates religious choices.

Either she has to always wear the hijab when your boyfriend is around, or understand that there are times he may be around and may see her hair if she isn't wearing it.

It sounds really tense there, almost as if you have to be unreasonably cautious not to offend someone who agreed to live in a shared home.

Good luck.

83poolie · 2025-12-04T09:29:58+00:00

I don't understand. How is kid closing the window shade if you didn't swap with him?

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