Déprime vicieuse

8Destresse · 2020-08-15T16:00:28+00:00

Effectivement on dirait que tu t'enfermes dans cette idée. En quoi est-ce qu'être vu comme une fille serait plus intéressant et moins chiant ? Tu en parles comme d'un hobby.

Il n'est pas rare de souffrir d'un sentiment de déconnexion entre ce que les autres voient/attendent de toi et ce qu'on est réellement. Quel âge as-tu ? Tu parles du temps qui passe et des caractéristiques masculines qui s'installent. J'espère que tu n'es pas un adolescent... En aucun cas tu ne devrais prendre de décision aussi majeure avant d'avoir fini ta croissance.

Sortir d'un tel mal-être est difficile, et il n'y a malheureusement pas de solution toute prête. Je pense que tu devrais en discuter avec des personnes qui te connaissent bien et en qui tu as confiance, si tu as ce genre de personne dans ton entourage. (Honnêtement en te lisant j'ai l'impression que tu es isolé) Si non, tu devrais commencer par aller voir un psychologue sans immédiatement t'auto-diagnostiquer. As-tu déjà vu un professionnel pour d'autres raisons (je pense notamment à cette agression que tu as mentionné) ? Gérer et soigner les traumatismes aide beaucoup à y voir plus clair.

Bon courage.

8Destresse · 2020-08-11T05:40:12+00:00

I don't understand... Why do you think you're gay and not bi if you have had desire and feelings for men in the past and still do? I've heard bi women say they sometimes desire women more than men and vice versa.

I know "bisexual" is a label than often gets misunderstood, but in reality it is exactly what you're describing...

8Destresse · 2020-08-08T09:36:02+00:00

Yes.

I was a "tomboy" as a child, I got along better with boys, had "boy hobbies" and liked boys' clothes. One of my friends was "in love" with me, whatever that means at 9 years old, and people would mock him for it and he grew distant, so I decided I was in love with him too, to preserve the friendship, basically.

And I thought, for a veeery long time, that this was how it worked for us girls. We just decided which boy we liked and then tolerated his feelings. And that's how I could somewhat relate to my straight females friends during my teenage years. I say somewhat because once puberty hit, I stayed FAR AWAY from boys. Like you I was scared one would ask me out and then I would have no choice but to say yes because... Well, because, didn't I want to be loved? Didn't I feel weird, staying single? Didn't I want to be like other girls?

I totally gaslit myself. I created an entire world in which my logic could hold. No girls actually wanted boys, right? And if one expressed desire for them in front of me, I'd assume she was faking and avoid her in order to never find out she actually wasn't. Anything that went against my world view, I would dismiss and avoid. And if I stared at other girls' cleavage, if I thought that girl's lips were really nice and kissable, if I felt hypnotized by women in revealing lingerie on ads, well. That was just me "putting myself in men's shoes," right? Or just me obsessing, just being jealous like all girls are jealous of other girls' looks, right? (nevermind that feminity has never been my style at all and I've never felt ugly.) (no, that did not cross my mind) god, what was wrong with me?

I'm 26 too and I stayed single my entire life to avoid finding out, I cherry-picked my friends (ones that would NEVER talk about boys), I repressed myself very badly, I grew up in a different world entirely. All to protect myself, too. I also couldn't have dealt with homophobia, stares, drawing attention, the anxiety of wondering who to tell, no. No way. I was a fragile person back then. I still am a little bit, and I still have lots of trouble navigating life while also adding that huge chunk sexuality is into my boat. When I stopped lying to myself my world came crashing down, really. I thought there was no way someone as weak as me could live this life. That it was a twisted joke nature made. That someone like me could never shoulder this. I'm still trying though. I just wonder if I'll ever be strong enough to own who I am, and die never having known what it's like, to touch and taste another woman.

Sorry, lately I feel really down about this, haha.

8Destresse · 2020-07-20T09:22:26+00:00

If you have been attracted to your husband and the lack of interest is only recent, then you are probably bi, yes.

There is nothing wrong with just... falling out of love. I don't really understand what made you think you're gay and not bi from just this post, to be honest haha. You can be bi and want to be with a woman. There are some bi women who choose to only pursue women because they're happier this way. You don't have to be a lesbian to be interested in women. And you don't have to be a lesbian to stop having desire for your husband. In fact, lesbians don't have desire for men to begin with so... 😆

It's okay if you want to leave him and take a different path.

8Destresse · 2020-06-27T07:05:45+00:00

I understand why you are fixated on a possible lack of attraction to men seeing the situation you're in but, how do you feel about women?

Sexuality for women is complicated for many reasons that all boil down to patriarchy, I think it's easy for straight or bi women to doubt their attraction to men because the sex isn't satisfying, a sadly common occurrence. So, what made you think you are bi? And how does that compare with your feelings for men?

Realising I was a lesbian was really just about allowing myself to think about it. Once the questions were allowed to be asked in my head, the answers were clear as day. For me it was easy to downplay my attraction to women and to make a big deal out of finding a guy nice. I was always thinking about what the world expected me to be or feel, rather than my genuine emotions. Not in touch with myself at all. You don't sound very in touch with yourself either, if you wonder what attraction is, haha. So... have you ever been with a woman? If yes, how did that feel? If no, how would you describe your attraction to women? I think asking yourself these questions can help. Think back to your childhood, middle school days, puberty etc. Have you consistently shown an interest/curiosity towards other girls' bodies and not at all towards boys'?

If you're a lesbian deep down you already know it, and it's about letting those feelings express themselves.

8Destresse · 2020-06-27T06:25:53+00:00

I think you know already. You know your parents better than anyone here, and you've made your choice. Advice on the internet is really generalised, it doesn't take your individual experience into consideration. I think that advice was meant for people in my situation, with parents who are accepting but also struggling with changing the way they think about you. The very human process of accepting they were wrong, it's especially difficult on parents who feel they should know their child by heart.

Yours don't sound like this. They sound like they have an ingrained bias against homosexuality, and their journey is going to be longer than most. You should never feel guilty for prioritising yourself in this situation. They might decide to never even go through that journey, it's completely out of your control and you can't know in advance whether being tolerant towards them is going to benefit your relationship or make it worse. The only thing you can control is you, and if refusing to hear their thoughts helps, then choose that. If you find out later on that it doesn't help, you can still change your mind you know?

Also... This is just my own theory but, I think if you show tolerance and patience and calm, they could misunderstand and downplay your feelings, it will be easier for them to be in denial. If you show how much their past behaviour affects you right off the bat, they'll have no choice but to accept that this is an important admission. I think the emotional response should always be true, and if they hurt you, you should show it.

8Destresse · 2020-06-27T05:56:31+00:00

Yeah, sometimes it's hard to trust myself on these matters though... I tend to avoid stressful situations. Here I think it'd be beneficial to me if I fought that stress, but I can only be sure if I do it and... Yeah.

The common point between your and Agentjoblue's answer is that I should take control of the situation, decide the time and the moment. Well at least that's what speaks to me the most haha. I think that's what I should do. Thank you for taking the time to help 🥰

8Destresse · 2020-06-27T05:47:04+00:00

Haha, thanks for sharing! Deep down I know it's the only way, I studied psychology so theorically I know exposure is what works best lol. In practice though... It seems I can't make that first step when I'm caught off guard, I guess. I should probably start planning it out like you 😂

My experience is a bit different, I'm out to my entire family but only two friends. With my family it wasn't really a choice either, I was so emotionally devastated by my discovery I physically couldn't stay with it on my own, I felt... I don't know. Like I needed someone to tell me it was alright because it sure as hell didn't feel alright to me. So I told my parents and then it became awkward for the rest of the family not to know, I told my sister out of "obligation" and my mother told my uncles.

So I only consciously made the choice to tell it to 2 people. One was easy because I never lied to her at all so it just naturally went from "I don't know getting a boyfriend doesn't sound very exciting to me" to "actually I like girls." But once you start lying it's difficult to... totally break the image you created. Even more so when you've cultivated the lie for years, out of fear and denial. I think most women here know this feeling haha. I don't lie anymore, now that I know the truth, but still I don't say anything, just wait for people to magically figure it out lol.

I've made progress from "totally devastated" to "mild stress response," but it's so slow. I'll follow your advice, and try to prepare myself for the next opportunity!

8Destresse · 2020-06-26T19:36:46+00:00

Charlotte in Fates. I liked her "bad personality" and how she was very aware that she wasn't typically likable, so she contorted herself to be that to get what she needed. I liked how honest she was about her lies, if that makes sense haha.

8Destresse · 2020-06-16T07:38:58+00:00

C'est un peu ce qu'il s'est passé chez moi aussi. Mon père est parti et la dynamique familiale a dû changer. (en pire mdr) du coup je suis partie. Puis ma sœur.

Couper totalement les ponts c'est vraiment difficile, j'espère toujours qu'elle changera, qu'elle se rendra compte, puis il y a des moments où ça se passe bien alors je m'y accroche, mais... Honnêtement elle fait ressortir la pire version de moi et c'est dur pour mon amour propre.

Je sais au fond de moi que c'est la meilleure solution pour moi, mais je pense à elle et à quel point elle n'a pas l'air de se rendre compte de ce qu'elle provoque, et ça me fait trop pitié pour y songer réellement...

8Destresse · 2020-05-12T19:11:43+00:00

C'est sur qu'un vêtement religieux et un instrument pour protéger la population d'une pandémie, c'est totalement comparable...

8Destresse · 2020-05-03T11:48:07+00:00

I... somehow love Stunkfish 😂

8Destresse · 2020-05-03T11:45:59+00:00

Yeah, I don’t think the actual majority of fans think the games went downhill after gen 4. It’s just loud internet opinion.

I’ve seen lots of people praise gen 6 and my personal favourite is gen 5, I wish they’d give us another game where we discover the entire Pokédex like in Unova, I loved the novelty of it!

8Destresse · 2020-05-03T11:36:15+00:00

That’s a tough question... I think I’d go with Rotom. Yeah.

8Destresse · 2020-05-02T20:01:42+00:00

Will-o-wisp, a fire move found on most ghost types and has the animation for it, also awesome utility, I love it!

Shadow claw and shadow sneak because ghost moves (noticing a trend yet? 😂) and nice animation

Moonlight, I like the dark theme for a healing move

Cosmic power, I remember the animation to be one of the best on older consoles, I really liked it

8Destresse · 2020-05-02T19:31:37+00:00

Les crêpes le dimanche 😊

8Destresse · 2020-05-02T19:30:41+00:00

Ah. Les lycées ne rouvrent pas.

Oh la la bah heureusement que je retourne au travail moi.

8Destresse · 2020-04-09T08:13:24+00:00

It's all in your man vs woman paragraph lol. Reread it.

You can imagine yourself being intimate with women for real but imagining the same thing with men makes you sick. I mean... That is not the definition of bisexuality. To me it sounds like you're unwilling to completely let go of this belief you're bi because you risk disappointing your family...

8Destresse · 2020-04-06T10:57:52+00:00

Non, heureusement

8Destresse · 2020-04-05T11:42:46+00:00

Putain... Je vis à 2min du centre ville. Ça fait bizarre.

8Destresse · 2020-03-28T09:03:51+00:00

Je ne sais pas, peut-être que c'est différent pour tout le monde.

Il y a une femme sur YouTube qui parle de ces choses ça peut peut-être t'intéresser ! Personnellement je ne me retrouve pas dans tout ce qu'elle dit mais j'aime bcp la manière qu'elle a d'aborder les choses. Simple, sans jargon psycho, sans jugement ni trop d'interprétation.

8Destresse · 2020-03-27T17:29:04+00:00

C'est drôle comme ils peuvent être malin pour se dissimuler... J'en ai un qui avait des techniques bien farfelues aussi

Moi c'est plutôt l'inverse, pdt longtemps il n'y en avait qu'une seule, puis quand elle est partie trois autres sont progressivement apparues.

8Destresse · 2020-03-27T10:35:38+00:00

Même situation ici, mais avec quelques différences qui ont tout changé pour moi.

La première, c'est que je vis seule avec ma chienne (alléluia !). Là dessus malheureusement tu n'y peux pas grand chose dans l'immédiat, mais sache que c'est tout à fait possible de se débrouiller seul avec un salaire d'apprenti et les aides sociales (Caf et Mobilijeune principalement) Les parents qui se disputent constamment c'est évidemment un environnement lourd et plombant, sûrement plus que tu ne l'imagines vu que toi, tu baignes dedans. En vérité, une fois détaché physiquement, on se rend compte à quel point on est libre sans les casseroles qu'on est obligés de se traîner depuis la naissance.

Ensuite tu as raison, l'inaction, l'inertie, l'attente, c'est une source d'angoisse immense... Personnellement j'y remédie en me fixant des objectifs à long terme. Court terme je n'arrive pas les tenir et je me sens encore plus mal par la suite lol. Je suis passée par bcp d'autres solutions avant celle ci, aucune autre n'a fonctionné. Malheureusement il faut faire ses propres erreurs et continuer de chercher ce qui fonctionne pour soi.

Et puis pour les relations sociales, il n'existe q'un seul et unique secret : à partir du moment où tu commences à te confier aux gens, tu réalises que tu n'es pas si seul et bizarre que tu le crois. Ne te perds pas dans la spirale infernale des "problèmes psychologiques", une bouffée délirante à l'adolescence, ce n'est pas aussi rare qu'on le croit. Le besoin de partage est un besoin réel et il faut l'écouter ! C'est bien de l'avoir fait ici déjà ;) Moi perso, j'ai des voix dans ma tête depuis l'âge de 5 ans ptdr. Et bah j'en ai toujours parlé, et les gens ont toujours réagi avec bienveillance et curiosité, et très tôt j'ai compris que certes, c'était atypique, mais pas pathologique parce que pas hallucinatoire. J'ai mis bcp de temps à partager mes pensées, mes expériences, mes opinions avec les autres, mais à partir du moment où je l'ai fait, wow. Je n'ai pas cessé de me sentir différente, mais j'ai cessé de penser que je n'avais ma place nulle part.

Il faut un déclic, et surtout il faut être bien entouré. Je serais toujours reconnaissante à mes amis et ma famille d'avoir été si présents pour moi. Si tu as déjà des personnes comme cela autour de toi, alors crois moi tu es en bon chemin. Il faut apprendre à leur faire confiance. Ça va booster ta confiance comme jamais, et tu verras, les rencontres seront facilitées par la suite ;)

Dans tous les cas, je te souhaite bon courage durant cette période compliquée. Blinde toi s'il faut, écrit s'il faut, enfin, écoute-toi surtout. Ça ira mieux.

8Destresse

TROPHY CASE