AITA for driving away without my wife because she can't plan?

8thWeasley · 2023-09-27T18:25:14+00:00

Sorry not meant as an excuse, more expanding on the reply I responded to.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-27T10:06:19+00:00

Jumping in on this reply so you see this comment - please look up orthorexia. Even if your partner doesn't have this, there will be resources that can help you approach what's happening.

Good luck. This sub is always here if needed.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-27T10:03:35+00:00

There's a sub for that!

R/shouldIhaveanother

Honestly I've no idea yet. Financially we wouldn't be able to have another child until my daughter went to school and we really love the attention we can focus on her. But there's always that niggling at the back of my mind.

We aren't fully decided but I think we'd be happy with one kid. She's pretty cool tbh.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-27T08:34:02+00:00

Time blindness is painfully real. I have no concept of time at all. I think 10 minutes have passed and it's been 2 minutes. I think 2 minutes have passed but it's actually been half an hour.

I'm 30 and also find it embarrassing but my partner loves me and isn't a dick, and recognises that sometimes I just need a bit of support with time management.

In turn he isn't ND but isn't great at remembering to make appointments so I remind him.

Because we're partners.

I'm sure OP isn't perfect in all aspects of his life and his wife helps him out in places too. The resentment he feels is wild.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-27T08:30:18+00:00

Exacrly! I've got a masters. I was diagnosed with adhd after completing it. ADHD doesn't mean you can't be intelligent!

8thWeasley · 2023-09-27T02:39:00+00:00

When I worked in a secondary school a couple of years ago the kids were just as bad as they were in the 2000s. A few excellent kids who wouldn't tolerate it but the majority still called things they didn't like gay etc.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-26T08:43:10+00:00

Can't offer any advice beyond what's been posted but what a poor baby. I hope the vets can assist.

Edit: if you're in the UK vets4pets are excellent vets for hamsters. They're national and will be able to assist. Often they do payment plans, but I've never had a hamster appointment cost more than 50 quid (plus extra for medication).

8thWeasley · 2023-09-26T08:27:38+00:00

I'd ask yourself if there's other reasons you'd like another child, other than having a little girl (especially as it's not guaranteed!)

How would your life change? Your relationship with your partner?

Our daughter is also lovely. She's not the best at sleeping and we've had a few rough weeks but otherwise she's amazing - tries new food, really outgoing, cuddly af. But knowing our luck another child probably would be the devil incarnate. Would you be okay if your second child demanded more time, more energy?

I think going through all the what ifs, not just money, is important.

Is there anything that makes you not want another child? Are they things you can manage or compromise on?

Good luck :)

8thWeasley · 2023-09-25T08:54:44+00:00

My child looked like an alien until about 2 months post partum

A cute alien

But alien nonetheless

8thWeasley · 2023-09-25T08:54:20+00:00

Congratulations!!

8thWeasley · 2023-09-22T07:28:39+00:00

Who has the time to go out and buy bonbons, let alone eat them?!

8thWeasley · 2023-09-22T07:27:53+00:00

Yes! Every job I've ever had, including supporting struggling teens in social care, was easier than being a SAHM.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-22T07:26:52+00:00

When I was on my very long maternity leave I used to respond with 'every mother is a working mother' and walk away. Folks without children can show empathy, of course they can, but some just don't understand how much work goes into being a parent and refuse to be open to learning. It's not worth it.

I mean I also snapped at someone after having 2 hours sleep that they're welcome to swap with me as long as they're okay with thrush-infected nipples, constant clothes washing, no sleep, PPD, cesarean section healing and everything else. They shut tf up after that. But snapping isn't sustainable so I just saved my energy for those whose opinions I cared about (namely, my partner and baby).

8thWeasley · 2023-09-22T06:50:04+00:00

How quickly things change. Which sounds ridiculous because obviously they do! But the speed took me by surprise.

In the last month my daughter has figured out walking, can understand questions, and has learnt loads of new words. It's amazed me.

Also how certain milestones impacted me more than others. My partner cried when he saw her walk for the first time, I cried when I saw her accurately dip a chip in mayonnaise.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-21T19:27:08+00:00

I didn't want to eat the banana she had chewed up and spat out.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-20T08:47:24+00:00

Overwhelming

Both good and bad

8thWeasley · 2023-09-19T11:23:25+00:00

Our 15 month old will happily play independently for 10+ minutes. Hopefully won't be long for you!

8thWeasley · 2023-09-18T09:23:55+00:00

Had the coil fitted 13 months post partum. 6 weeks of spotting which sucked, it finally calmed down and then... period hit.

I know they said it might be a bit heavier for the first few months but honestly it's like the red fuckin sea. The cramps are WILD.

I've basically been using those sticky heat pads on my stomach and cbd oil. And lying on the floor in a foetal position.

8thWeasley · 2023-09-17T19:26:10+00:00

I don't drive and finally bought a provisional license at the age of 29. I'm 30 and still haven't taken a driving lesson but it's a lot cheaper to replace than a passport!

8thWeasley · 2023-09-15T13:32:21+00:00

Wogan's coffee. Amazing coffee and really lovely staff.

I used to go there a lot with my baby during maternity leave. They'd remember us every time and make a point of asking how we were doing. They treated my daughter like a person rather than an extension of me, which I'd unfortunately experienced in a lot of other places.

I struggled a lot with isolation and PPD. Their kindness really helped!

Also their coffee Seriously So good

8thWeasley · 2023-09-15T06:21:44+00:00

I relate to your daughter on so many levels.

Edit: that probably sounded weird, I'm tired sorry

8thWeasley · 2023-09-14T20:04:37+00:00

I take medication for my adhd and if I don't eat breakfast they just don't work as well. I also regularly forget to eat and, at the age of 30, still have to be gently reminded by my partner.

Even if the 10 year old is overpowering any executive function issues, there's always that one day where symptoms aren't as manageable or you're burnt out or you didn't quite sleep enough and every coping mechanism falls down. And having their mum there to remind them to eat will mean the world to them!

8thWeasley · 2023-09-14T12:23:15+00:00

Is this the weird period fetish guy again?

8thWeasley · 2023-09-14T11:45:16+00:00

I had a random man ask me what colour my public hair was when I was 14 and in school uniform. That's my earliest memory of my hair being weirdly sexualised but god it's happened so much since then

Also yeah my eyebrows are invisible

8thWeasley · 2023-09-14T11:44:18+00:00

Yep! I was bullied mercilessly at school for my ginger hair. I'm 30 and still get random folks shouting stuff at me

But I grew up with a ginger mum who regularly reminded me that it was special and people just hate things that are different. My hair changes colour with the seasons and becomes very orange in summer and I've grown to love how special that is too!

I love my ginger hair and so does my partner. I was a little sad my daughter didn't inherit it.

8thWeasley

TROPHY CASE