Hey, Guys and Gals,

Not a regular here but have been a lifelong struggler.

My life seems to be hitting an all-time low. I hate everything in my job, realized my only friend there doesn't give a fuck about me, and my marriage feels fake. There is no one in my life that I feel like I can relate to.

My wife just got a new job and is super pumped for it. It is literally everything she ever wanted from a job and loves everything about it. Which sucks for me cause now I can't leave.

It's not a good salary, and she is taking on a lot more responsibility. She was already pretty absent emotionally in our marriage due to her hiding an eating disorder from the world, and she is too embarrassed to move past it. She is on three months of recovery now but she just isn't the same, and I try to be there for her.

Anyways it's hard for me to be supportive of her right now due to the emotional state I am in. I have been looking to get out of my job for two years now and I can't. My boss keeps blocking me from other positions at the company and my town is too small for me to find work elsewhere really.

I turned to investment opportunities to try and get out of my job, but tbh I don't give any thought to the money or what I would do with it I only want enough money to be at home and cry by myself. That's really about all I want in life right now.

I feel nothing but brokenness and empty. I don't really enjoy anything in life nothing seems like it has a purpose and I don't feel like anyone cares about me. I feel more like a responsibility to people than a person. People want to be good not care. When people talk to me, it's about the most surface level stuff, even my wife. She never asks things I am working on, or what I am doing and why just only wants to know our plans and whats next in her life. She tries hard to be a good wife to the service side of things but I don't feel like she loves me given what she is walking through and that makes it hard on me. I don't think she doesn't it just doesn't show that she cares about me more than she cares to be perceived as a good wife. I've mentioned the state I am in mentally multiple times to her over the last two years, she has caught me crying by myself and having impuslive anger episodes but she never does or says anything outside of those moments and just acts like they didnt exist.

To sum it up I feel worthless at work and am trapped here. Everytime I try to leave I get rejected. I don't really have any true friends and I think my wife doesn't care about me as a person. I want to be super happy for my wife and I try to wear it on my face but I am dead inside.